I'm new to all of this so please bear with me. My husband and I don't talk any more. He has a lot of anger and resnetment toward me because of periods of time in our life when I failed to put him first, and failed to tell him how I really felt about issues because I wanted to avoid conflict. Now we hardly ever talk, mainly because I feel that anything I say will be resented and will put both of us on the defensive. What can I do to help us get beyond this?

Nearly 40,<BR>I was very much in the same boat. I was not very good at expressing how I felt to my wife. It can do a lot of damage to your marriage, trust me when I tell you that. <P>We started taking baby steps with the way we talked to each other. First we started talking about things that we agreed on. <P>Then we moved on to our past with each other. Things that we thought about each other when we first met, how we felt and what emotiions we were feeling. <P>What these two excercises do is get you comfortable talking to each other. Notice that you start off with things that you would enjoy talking about. No fighting or disagreeing. It also helps you get to know your spouse better. This will get the communication channels open again.<P>Doing this helped soooooo much in my marriage. I also WANTED to change myself by being more open with my wife. I'm sure your husband doesn't want to keep all these yucky feeling bottled up. So give the above listed excercies a try. Talk about pleasant things and rediscover each other. <P>I wish you the best. I hope it turns things around the way it did for me.<P>------------------<BR>PSALMS 133<BR>AMOS 7:7-8<BR>ECCLESIASTES 12:1-7

I hope these two cents worth will be useful.<BR> <BR>I developed resentment for an attitude my wife had and seemed unwilling to even discuss ways we could compromise. Eventually I developed a counter attitude. When she began pulling away, I was hurt and confused because I needed information. (Most of what I have seen on the MB site is what I needed.) I began thinking about why I was behaving that way and tried to let her know. I had to be careful to NOT sound like I was pointing fingers (her term) to keep her listening. She has. <P>Unfortunately she developed an EA and left. I have continued to try a Plan A which now is long distance. I was about to go to B though it will have to wait a couple weeks.<P>He is still at home, right? What I asked my wife was why did she not grab me by the lapels and say "lets talk" instead of saying nothing at all. I was guilty of the same offense simply because I, too, did not want to upset the apple cart. For me, a little argueing would have been prefered. I was also unhappy with myself and my habits. I was HOPING she would bring up the arguement one more time so I could let her know I wanted to change. It never came.<P>Sorry to ramble, but I sure wish I could go back in time and TALK. I pray and hope it is going to turn around for us both.<P>RRunRR<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by nearly 40:<BR><B>I'm new to all of this so please bear with me. My husband and I don't talk any more. He has a lot of anger and resnetment toward me because of periods of time in our life when I failed to put him first, and failed to tell him how I really felt about issues because I wanted to avoid conflict. Now we hardly ever talk, mainly because I feel that anything I say will be resented and will put both of us on the defensive. What can I do to help us get beyond this?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Hi, want some input from somebody who's at a further stage along from where you are? Did the same things (not consider H's feelings, not put him first, avoid talking about things in order to not upset the apple cart.) Can you find a counselor, or talk to the Harleys? <P>We're in counseling, and our counselor is very good, <BR>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Bellevue:<BR>[B] <BR>Hi, want some input from somebody who's at a further stage along from where you are? Did the same things (not consider H's feelings, not put him first, avoid talking about things in order to not upset the apple cart.) Can you find a counselor, or talk to the Harleys? <P>We're in counseling. I'm afraid it may be too late for us, that we've let it go too long and too far. Try the Harley books, read about Plan A, and I agree with SALEM's suggestion about the non-threatening conversation exercise. My H and I did some of those exercises. He doesn't see the point, but I found it very enlightening because I read between the lines.<P><BR>