I am currently having marital problems. I am 42 and my wife for 16 yrs. is 36. We have 1 son, 15. The week before Mother's Day, my wife told me she was not in love with me any longer. She had been feeling this way for over a year but never revealed her true feelings to me until now. To her, our marriage is over and although we have talked with our clergy, she still says she has no love for me. She is determined to move out, or for me to 'give her space' by separating so she can find her "happiness" . She says there is nobody else in her life, and I believe her, but where did I go wrong? All this time I thought I was providing her with all the happiness she wanted -- emotionally, mentally and physically. I don't drink, smoke, and I'm not abusive to her or my son. We do things together, and as a family. My son is athletic and we attend all of his events, at home and away. We even make a weekend out of it when we have to travel out of town on the weekends. Her answer to what is wrong, or where has her love gone, is always, "I don't know." She says it's nothing I have said or done, but that she just don't love me anymore. But for some reason I'm not worth a second chance. <BR>She wants to continue to stay here until we can financially afford to separate. But I'm living an emotional roller coaster. I never thought she would stop loving me. Do I move out and give her our house? Do I let her move out and find her way? Should I financially support her if she moves out. I love my son and don't want to lose him either. I have no problem with taking him with me, or having him stay with me but how do I approach that subject. What can I do to save my marriage when she is so determined to be by herself. She tells me she thinks she can find her happiness with herself. She says that she might just need the time, and space, to see what she is missing. I love her, but if I allow her to leave, won't my love for her be in jeoparty? Will I start building a wall to avoid rejection again? What can I do? Any advice for what feels to be a hopeless case? I will always love her and do not want to lose her. <P>R.P.<BR>

I am sorry for the problems you are having. You might want to post this in the Emotional Needs section...there are a couple of guys there in your exact situation.<P>Have you read this article?<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_leave.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_leave.html</A> <P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi

<P>Welcome, I'm sorry you're here but also glad you found the Boards. I'm always curious how new people find this place. So, How Did You Find Us?<P>There's a man here whose wife left him, he goes by the name NSR. He greets newbies and provides them with handy links to helpful spots (I forget the term for them, but some of the people here know how to put things into their posts in red, underlined, and you click on them and they take you to the place with the things you need. I'm new to computers and have not spent time on the Boards of other sites, just in chat room with other moms or visiting Catholic sites and other religions sites.)<P>I'd like to address the fear of rejection thing. It's something I'm wrestling with myself. I understand it, because my H is involved in an EA with a married OW, and we're in a mess here at home, and trying to improve our marriage. But there's no affection, no touching, and even our counseling sessions turn into loud arguments. I'm so afraid of rejection that I can't make a move, and I can't finish this sentence.<P>Try to find the Plan A, Plan B section and read it. <P>About your son: He really needs you at this age. You can't leave. It's your wife who needs to move if anybody moves. Read the posts of NSR and Goober, as well as Grandpabri, and there are other men who are holding down the forts while their wives go off to "find themselves". <P><BR>By the way, here's more unsolicited advice: DON'T CONFIDE IN ANY CO-WORKERS, ESPECIALLY WOMEN, ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS WITH YOUR WIFE. (Sorry to raise my voice, but this is important.) If you need to talk, come here, or find a counselor whose bias is restoring marriages, not facilitating divorces. <P>Also, check out the posts about Retrovaille - a marriage restoring weekend that MB'ers have written about. They speak highly of it.<P><BR>