MY H HAD AN AFFAIR ONE YEAR AGO AND WE HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR 11 YEARS AND DATED SINCE I WAS 16 OR 5 YEARS. I WAS IN MARITAL BLISS WITH A PART TIME JOB AND 2 BEAUTIFUL KIDS AND A BEAUTIFUL HOME...WE JOINTLY DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF STATE AND START OVER TOGETHER BUT MY H DIDNT LIKE HIS JOB SO HE HAS MOVED BACK WITH HIS PARENTS AND WILL TRY COMMUTING ABOUT ONE THIRD OF THE TIME WILL BE AWAY FROM US... I AM NOW IN A WARM CLIMATE AND LOVE MY JOB NEW HOME ...EVERYTHING EXCEPT THAT I AM VERY LONELY AND WORRY HE WILL HOOK UP THE OW OR ANOTHER NEW WOMAN...HE WANTS ME TO MOVE BACK UP NORTH BUT I DONT LIKE THE COLD AND CLOUDY WEATHER AND COULDN;T STAND BEING STUCK UP THERE IF WE HAD PROBLEMS AGAIN...I HAVE NO FAMILY THERE JUST HIS SIDE AND HE IS THE ONLY CHILD WHO CAN DO NO WRONG! I AM SO CONFUSED.

Wow you are a strong person and I thin can work through most things. Can you help him look for work closer to where you are??<P>This way you will have helped with his feeling as well, not only on the work front but help him get closer to his family.<P>Good luck and God bless.<P>P.S. Next time speak softly. (no caps)<p>[This message has been edited by anthonyv (edited July 16, 2000).]

TAN -<P>He should not be living with his parents, you should not be living separate from him. I agree that you should be very concerned about the possibility that he could have another adulterous relationship. <P>It seems to me that moving back to his folks' house is a way to go back to no responsibilities and being a carefree child again. <P>Unfortunately, you two have your own children and a marriage to hold onto. <P>My advice would be to talk with your husband about this. Be very upfront and honest with your concerns, and state with no equivocation that your place is together. Whether that's where you are or where he is. <P>He cannot just bail on his life now. We all get weighed down with the burdens and pressures of our grown up existence, but this is not the time to decide you don't feel like it anymore. <P>If he is not motivated by any other reason, like your marital vows, his commitment and promises to be with you forever....tell him that the children deserve to be raised in an intact, loving, committed family. <P>To destroy what you two have built for yourselves and your families because of his own fears and insecurities, is unacceptable. <P>Yeah, and say it all with love! Can you do that?!! I hope you know what I mean here. I can come off kind of strong, but remember your kids, okay? It's them that can help you both keep your focus, when you're feeling overwhelmed by selfishness on his or your parts. <P>--Lisa

it just seems to me that only a year after something as staggering as an affair, he would choose to be away from you for any amount of time. whatever happened to sacrifice? the kind you had when you moved away from your family to be with him in the first place. you say youre happy now. warm climate...good job. i say dont fix what aint broken. occupy your mind with something else. the truth will come out in the end. things will always work themselves out the way they were meant to be worked out. <BR> i'm going through a "do i stay or do i go?" situation myself and i feel your pain. it's hard. i know. i just keep telling myself to hang in there until there are no longer any doubts. doesnt make it easy, but at least if it DOES end, then i can be sure i did everything in my power to make it work. youre in my thoughts and prayers.