Except for the fact that I'm a woman, I could have written this entire post myself last year. Our stories are identical, except that my husband ended up leaving me to live with his internet flame -- 1,000 miles away.<P>My advice to you -- start reading about Plan A if you haven't already. I read it too late to do anything about it, and when I did read it, I couldn't do it. My hurt feelings and anger kept getting in the way. Also, read Michelle Weiner-Davis DIVORCE BUSTERS. Follow her advice! <P>With some work, you can turn your marriage around. You need to remind your wife why she fell in love with you in the first place. It took me months to get my act together enough to do that with my husband, but finally, eight months after he left, we reconciled and our marriage is better than it ever was. And just think, the only contact I had with him was through e-mail and occasional phone calls! He was living the free and easy life, having fun and dating! You've got your wife in the house! That's wonderful! Just concentrate on not chasing her away, like I did with my husband.<P>You need to make your wife feel safe being around you again. So, no more accusations, no more name calling, and no more threats. Don't follow her, don't check up on her and don't spy on her. I did all of that -- every bit of it. It was like a compulsion with me, that I had to look into every part of my husband's life. Think about it. Wouldn't you want to be more secretive if someone was doing all that to you? I know I sure would.<P>Anyway, best of luck to you. You can do it. Your wife was right, it ain't over til it's over. And even then, I'm not sure it's over. This is something I told my husband every time he talked about divorce and us not having a snowball's chance. <P>
