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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 2 |
I've been married six years. I started counseling sessions about 4 months ago. My husbabd does not see the problem. I'm getting very frustrated. My counselor says that I need to set a consequence for him refusing. But I don't want to rock the boat. There are other issues that are affecting the marriage, one of them is that he is some what controling. He is 32 and we only "make love" about 1 to 2 times a month. I'm 29. He is not having an affair. I need help. What should I do?
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 311
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Member
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 311 |
You should continue to go to couseling alone. Do not pressure him to go. If need be find a counselor who will work with just you. You mention that your H is controlling. Well guess what he is trying to do by not going and insisting that there is no problem. A lot of progress can be made in a marriage even whne just one party is working at it. That is what Plan A on this web site is all about. You need help with your feelings and how you can improve your marriage alone for now. I would disagree with your couselor about setting up ultimatums. Take some time to explore this site and learn what you can do to improve your marriage.<P>Mud.
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 980
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 980 |
rebeca,<BR>Without knowing more of your situation, it's hard to offer advice. There are several books you can read:<P>1) The other side of love by Gary Chapman<BR>2) Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward<BR>3) Toxic people<BR>4) Passionate Marriage<BR>5) Sex begins in the Kitchen<BR>6) Boundaries in marriage<BR>7) His needs her needs<P>Toxic people and emotional blackmail deal with controlling people. READ THEM!!<P>Also your couselor is correct. For controlling people, you have to set limits or they will never respect you.<P>Take care - ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P><BR>H
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 74
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 74 |
I think you marriage counsellor better go back to school or give up reading the tarot cards. A relationship is not built on ultimatums. This will only build up resentment towards you. Remember to tell some-one to do some-thing will commit hostility in them to suggest something will make them feel good as it will be their idea. <P>Mudder is right look through this site and you may pick up a few good ideas. <P>You may need to work on yourself a little and you will find you will become a better person, it takes very little to change some-one but a lot to change yourself. Got for it, you know you can do it. Good luck and god bless
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