My husband and I got married shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I have always had weight fluctuations and he has always pressured me to lose weight. We fought about it before I got pregannt and even broke up for a little while over it. Now we have been married for 6 months and our baby is 5 weeks old. I am still overweight and I know it. My husband has now told me that if I do not lose 1 pound a week he will not shower for that week. I do want to lose weight but without the pressure and without him being so insistant. He says I am disgusting with my clothes off and he will sleep in another room rather than see me naked. I have some weight loss video tapes and I have a sit up machine, I do have plans to gradually lose weight, but it seems to be less of an issue for me than for him. What should be done?

Ouch!<P>This would have been really hard for me to deal with 5 weeks after giving birth. Tell your husband that you agree with him, but the physical changes in your body are biologically programmed. When pregnant women gain at least 20 lbs., they don't lose all of that instantly. It takes some months for most (I still pack a few lbs from the 3rd one). <P>Can he come up with something more pleasant than not showering? How about a nightly walk with the baby? How about doing a few exercises together. Could you go swimming together, take turns caring for the baby? Could you plan more low calorie meals together?<P>Take care.

Thanks for the reply. He has actually tried to get me to go running with him and if I have something else to do, he yells at me saying that I just don't want to go running and I want to "stay fat". He pushes me so hard that I don't even want to excersize with him at all. Now he's imposing punishments set to his goals for my body and I feel he has overstepped his boundaries. I work and he doesn't. He's a "musician" and I've told him now that if he wants me to lose weight he'll have to get a job.<P>

Sounds like the weight issue is just a symtom to other issues between you and your H. <P>But, first I will make a statement concerning extra weight and spouses, whether H's or W's, one's spouse is not going to change weight until they decide to do it for theirself. <P>This is just my opinion that developed through experience. Last summer, my W lost all the weight from the last child (now 2) and was looking so hot....we were at the beach and I took her shopping for some great looking summer wear....she seemed so happy to be in smaller sizes and looking so great! But, this summer, the new clothes are just setting in the closet bc she put the weight back on and then some. She works out, but she hasn't changed her diet. So, I need to just accept it; when she gets tired of being overweight, she'll change habits. Even though I don't like her so over weight, I'm not going to love bust over it, I'll just deal with it.<P>Other issues, you feel like he's controling your body and yet you respond with demanding her gets a job. Well, I do agree that husbands and fathers need to provide an income for the family; you seem to be fighting fire with fire.<P>Have you taken the time to read the concepts here at Marriage Builders?<P>Is your husband willing to learn and apply them with you?<P>Please do so, I think it would benefit both you and your H. I wish my W would spend more time with the concepts here, it would strengthen our marriage so much. But regardless of what your H does, you are responsible for your actions and if you want to make your marriage work, you will need to learn and apply the principles taught here.<P>Hang in There!<P>ps<P>Enjoy the baby....he/she will grow so fast. My oldest starts school this year....she can't be that old yet, she just got here.<P>

<p>[This message has been edited by Lisanne (edited August 22, 2000).]