I think the W and me have gotten through the original problem (See need to resolve conflict under resolving conflict). <P>After a lot of talking she sent me this via email. We had been much better even before I got this email.<P>"I never thought that I was really that unhappy, a friend pointed out to me, that there was a time where I was blue feeling like we had lost that spark, and that the attention from you wasn't there. Honestly I don't know if I was conscientiously seeking attention from the OM, but I did enjoy knowing that he was there to talk to and to respond to my emails. Not in a sexual way but I was happy with that. I never felt unloved by you. I never felt like walking away from what we had. I was sad that we had lost it, and didn't know how to get it back. I am truly sorry for any hurt that I caused you by spending time online with him. But I did try to get you to hear me~ I guess I was upset that I even had to try. I suggested the counseling, the gratitude journals, <BR>talking in bed at night, but there was something, some link that had been broken."<P>We have become much happier until this weekend. We went to my W High school reunion and a guy that she had dated has moved back to the area and he is living, as she found out this weekend, in the same neighborhood. I don't know what affect this will have on our relationship or if I am going to be jealous about him being here.<BR>He has said to her that he will probably remain in our neighborhood at least a year (He is living at his moms old house that she still owns).<BR>I am not quite sure what to do. I love my W with everything I am and<BR>am trying my best to trust her. But I don't think she is telling me everything. I feel like she is keeping things from me. Like she does not want to talk to me. Is it because she thinks I will be jealous? I really want to know how she feels. How do I get my W to open up?<P>I don't want this to become what the previous person became and that was just email. This person is here in living breathing flesh. I think she regretted his leaving the country. I am not sure if he left the country while they were dating. I think we have a lot to talk about. I am not sure how to get things rolling.<P><BR>

Can you think of something she's asked for that you can give her? Figure out what her needs are and meet them. Remember that there may be a difference between what she wants and what you <I>think</I> she wants. Same song second verse -- what you want is probably different than what she wants. Even if you miss the target, just showing an interest and making an effort counts for a LOT.