Hi there,<P>Posted when H first left, guess it wasn't a good post cause never got a reply. It has been a week since he moved out. I have gone to Plan A, keeping doors open for any negotiations. H's bday was the 5th, made dinner for him and some of the neighbors. When I started to take out the garbage he said, "I can do that, honey" so feel we can still negotiate. We have had daily dealings because of the business. He said he has read all of the stuff I printed from the MB site, and he took Love Busters with him on Sunday to read. I have mowed the lawns and kept up with everything in the house, when he comes over he looks for things to fix or help with. Each time he leaves, there is a hug and a kiss goodbye. He called my brother and sounded kind of sad the first night he moved out, he rented a room in a house with 3 other guys who he had never seen before (guess they are all just renting a room, and are very different from each other and have nothing in common otherwise).<BR> <BR>I think there is hope for our marriage, but it is going to be a long road. The neat thing is, the neighbors who were having difficulties have decided to work on their marriage. I loaned them my His Needs, Her Needs book for a bit. The neighbors are still in total disbelief about my H, even my mother-in-law called me and she said she thought he had lost his mind (this was a total shocker). <P>I'm staying pretty stable through all of this, just replanted a front flower bed, geting ready to repair some stucco and fix some paint spots. Continuing to walk and stay on my diet and spending more time with the kids. Maybe I needed the time apart, too? Definitely less stress in the house of always trying to keep H happy, of course, now I know what the problem was and we can work on fixing it, but it is nice to have some peace.<P>I guess I should set up counseling for myself and the kids. The 9 year old misses her dad a lot, and the 13 year old acts like she is glad he left and doesn't want a whole lot to do with him. They have pulled together and don't bicker between themselves as much, so that is a nice thing, too.

bangarra,<P> Hi, I am sorry you are in pain. This is a good place to look for answers. <P> Toni<BR><p>[This message has been edited by SheRa (edited August 10, 2000).]

SheRa,<P>Thank you. I am working on a lot of private issues, too, been visiting Bill Ferguson's site and have Guy Finley's book on Letting Go. I figure the best thing I can do for the kids is to stay as stable as I can. H is coming over tonight to discuss what is going on, so taking small steps in the right direction. <P>Lori

I am so sorry you didn't receive a response from your first post, but you sure didn't let grass grow under your feet. It is neat to see you grabbbing everything you could from the different sites and learning as you can. <P>Staying busy is one of those ways to feel in control when you can't be in control. Did you print out the emotinal needs questionaires and do you think your hubby would be willing to fill them out? That might be a good conversation subject too. I will be praying that your time together tonight will be a good one. Good luck!

Thank you SueB,<P>Well, not sure what happened. H came in and we sat and talked, he was really upset that his mother had said what she did and that it hurt me so badly. He did say he didn't think he could see us ever getting back together, but he wasn't ready for a divorce and we would have time to do lots of thinking. He said he would make no promises, but he would think about what I had told him. He's walled himself up so much he doesn't know what he wants. He said he was ready to give it all up and just start over, when I asked doing what?, he said he didn't have any idea. He asked a neighbor about vasectomies, I said why, he said he couldn't see having any more children at his age (37). He said he was over in his rented room and he didn't miss me, and that told him that it was over. I said, well, since we either talk to each other or see each other every day, why would you miss me. I told him I missed him because I was living in a house that was OURS, he was in this house as a presence all the time.<P>He fixed a broken door and the dryer, we meet tomorrow morning to do a bid on a job. He said no promises, but he'd think about what I said. I hugged him and told him to open up his heart again. I told him I have scheduled an appt with Dr. Steve on thurs, he doesn't understand how telephone counseling will work. This time it's for me, also setting up a family counseler locally for myself and the kids to talk to. I've done my part, now I need to let him go to figure out his own mind. <P>I suppose there really isn't much hope for a reconciliation, but at least I tried, and years down the road, I will know that I tried.<P>Lori