Hi friends,<P>I just would like to know if you can help me.<P>I see the problems in my marriage are<BR>that <P>*there is little compromise<BR>*Little taking turns at leading<BR>*problem solving<P><BR>There is <BR>*powerplaying<BR>*control<BR>*constant criticism<P>How do others compromise???<BR>Take turns leading??? <BR>Problem solve????<P>Hope to hear from you soon<BR>Theressa

Theressa1,<P>Welcome to Marriage Builders! Please take the time to read and study the information that is available here.<P>From what you have written, I see a communication gap between you and your H. IMHO, the question needed to be answered is "Why?" there is a communication problem.<P>Is open, honest conversation safe between you and your H? Do you feel comfortable being open with him? Why or why not.<P>Is your H meeting your emotional needs? Are you meeting his? Do you know what his needs are?<P>I see meeting my W's emotional needs as key to creating a safe environment for you to be open and honest with me. And, the same is true for me.<P>There is a complete section concerning emotional needs in this site.<P>But, if you do attempt to meet his needs, it may be a while before his you see a change in him.....took a while for my W.<P>Hang in There!

Hi nowhereman,<P>I have been a full member but for some <BR>reason my Theressa account won't work so <BR>I had to re-register.<P>I have been through this site many times.<P>The problem isn't that I don't know how to <BR>communicate because I do, I've learnt lots<BR>of skills.<P>The problem is that I am so unsure of what<BR>being in a healthy marriage is suppose to be.<P>I've been passive for the early part of my<BR>marriage. Then I realised this didn't work<BR>and I was losing my self.<P>Then I started to stop doing everything just<BR>to please my h, I started doing things my<BR>own way.<P>The reason is he was constantly abusive and<BR>controlling, he would tell me how I should<BR>do every task, he would yell if I didn't<BR>get things the way he wanted.<P>I began to feel attacked and angry, rightly<BR>so I think.<P>Now my problem is I am unsure what is a good<BR>balance, how to handle this without being<BR>arrogant or by being so passive and thus<BR>feelings so powerless.<P>Any ideas???<P>Theressa1

Might glean some ideas from this thread.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000588.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000588.html</A>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by nowhereman:<BR>[B]Theressa1,<P>Welcome to Marriage Builders! Please take the time to read and study the information that is available here.<P>From what you have written, I see a communication gap between you and your H. IMHO, the question needed to be answered is "Why?" there is a communication problem.<P>Is open, honest conversation safe between you and your H? Do you feel comfortable being open with him? Why or why not.<P>Is your H meeting your emotional needs? Are you meeting his? Do you know what his needs are?<P>I see meeting my W's emotional needs as key to creating a safe environment for you to be open and honest with me. And, the same is true for me.<P>You have all the reasons that there is a problem w/your marriage. In fact, many are the same as mine. But, as for answers, I do not think I would be looking in this forum if I had any answers. Today is my first day. I just finished "Give & Take, The Secret to Maritial Compatibility" and was so impressed with Dr. Harley I just had to check out this site. I very seldom use the internet, but after finding this site, I have spent most of the afternoon and evening sitting at my desk.<P>