My husband and I have been married for just over a year. We have been together for 4. When I met my husband he was in the Army and a very happy and kind man. For the first year that we were together he never even raised his voice at me. The trouble started when he got discharged from the Army and we decided to move back to Kentucky, my husbands home state. I am originally from New Hampshire but all my family now resides in Florida. He told me how warm and wonderful his family would be toward us and how much help they would be. That's why I agreed to move here, also so that he could be close to his 5 year old by a previous marriage. When we moved to Kentucky I was 8 months pregnant with our first child. His family has never helped us with anything. They are condescending and treat my husband like dirt. He has gained weight as he's gotten older and to them this is aparently the cardinal sin.I myself am fat so I can just imagine what they think of me. His parents never tell him he has done well and he craves this so desperately from them. They favor his younger brother who can do no wrong. They will not lend us a dime, hell they wouldn't piss on our gums if our teeth were on fire beacuse that wouldn't teach us a lesson. My parents constantly give to us both in times of need and not, they call every other day to check on the kids. My husbands parents would not call or come to see them if we did not bring them over. My parents have offered us a house in Florida, rent free to get on our feet and offered to babysit our kids while we work. Right now I'm staying at home because we can't afford child care for 2. My 2 sisters and their kids also live down there. My daughter LOVES my side of the family, she has a ball when she gets to see them. Not to say she doesn't love my husbands parents but they just treat her differently. I feel like we are staying here being put under unnecessary stress and financial hardship because my husband is being hard headed and won't leave the state of KY. This is one of the main reasons he divorced his first wife, because she wouldn't leave. He also has no problems taking handouts from my parents when they are offered or having me ask for money when we are in need. I feel like we are depriving my children of people that could be really positive and wonderful for them to be around to be near people who could care less if they exist or not. My husband says it isn't his parents , it is to be close to his daughter from a previous marriage. She has MANY MANY emotional and behavioral problems. The mother is hostile and not to stable. I have tried to understand where he is coming from but this other child shows him no love whatsoever, unless she is in trouble or wants something and she is terribly mean to our other kids. She has pushed my 2 year old so hard it gave her a concussion. She is sexually explicit and has been caught trying to do stuff to my 2 year old. I have had it and asked for him to put her in counseling but there is always some excuse and they say she will grow out of it when she is just getting worse. I feel like he is putting the welfare of his first child way above what our family needs. I would never deprive him of seeing his child, I would allow her down there or him up here as much as possible. She has been a constant source of conflict because of her behavior and the lack of consistency. I know my husband feels guilty for not being there for her while he was in the Army, but it was his ex wife's ( wife at the time ) choice to leave and bring her back here. He had no choice. I've tried to get him to go to counseling as well to try to get over the guilt, but to no avail. I feel that if something isn't done soon we are going to be headed for divorce. I love my husband with all my heart, but I can't continue to put my kids through the fighting between us or the sexual and violent behavior of his daughter. Please someone give me some words of wisdom!!!!!<BR>

Hi KyMom,<P>There in a post called something like<BR>"General welcome for new builders", which<BR>is a wealth of information. Maybe someone else will give you a link.<P>You are really dealing with a lot of stuff. I agree that the 5 year old could use counselling, but she isn't your child and there isn't much you can do about it. It may be a faint hope but she should be starting school soon and maybe a teacher will give the same advice.<P>Take care and keep posting.

Hi KyMom,<BR>Welcome to MB. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. You have a lot of difficulties. Oddly enough, what's missing from your post is what I noticed most. You didn't mention your H very much. Financial hardships are tough, believe me I know. You'll need a plan to get out, and I sure hope you get more help from your H than I get from mine! The initial hardship is bad enough, and in my situation, the way H deals with the problem is a problem. If you know what I mean. Read through some material here, especially the emotional needs questionnaire and the information on lovebusting. If you start with just a reduction of LBs, you'll see encouraging improvements in your relationship right away -- if you're having LB problems, that is.

If you are a "Housewife" then what is stopping you from leaving KY and "visiting" with your family for...a month or so.<BR>I heard how women put the man before the child.....and that sounds like what you are doing. GET YOUR CHILD OUT OF THAT SITUATION......the step-child is doing sexual "thing" to your daughter???Put your foot down. DONT let ANYTHING happen, that you'll blame yourself for later.<BR>Visit your parents, and give your husband a taste of what it's like without you.<BR>Finally, a question for you.<BR>Re-read your post....If this was from your daughter what would you say??????? and after you've read it, again......tell yourself the same thing you would tell your daughter.<BR>If the situation wouldn't be good enough for your daughter, then WHY is it good for you.<BR>Stay strong......your parents will always be there for you, and love you.<BR>