I know what it's like to be a "normal" person, who has always "done the right thing". I've always followed the "straight and narrow" and then...I jerk the wheel and take a side road. Talk about a rough one too!<BR>AND WHAT A MISTAKE! Just because H chose it, I didn't have to follow! Anyway...<BR>my point...<BR>It's not too late to get back on the right track Curious. I don't think you'd be here if you didn't know what the right thing to do is. You just need confirmation. (correct me if I'm wrong). You're struggling with what is right and what feels good. <P>P.S. By stating the obvious about his children, I didn't mean to offend. Just gentle reminding/persuasion... <p>[This message has been edited by Kyra (edited August 28, 1999).]

LWB>>yes, I did read it...I'm the one that said 'kick him to the curb'

Is it me, or is this thread moving at the speed of light? *l*

Kyra>>yup, I guess you just about nailed it on the head.

curious -- I'm not trying to say your not a normal person. Everyone here normal, or at least we were once upon a time.<P>I guess I'm just a slow learner soemtimes. Maybe I'm wrong here, but it sounds to me like you are at a stage in your relationship with the MM where you think you need to be "out of the relationship" but for whatever reason don't know how to "get out."<P>IF that is the case, then I do not know what help I can offer you other than being willing to listen. I have never experienced what you are going through, but like most everyone else here, I am willing to listen and offer advice when asked or when I think I can offer something to help.<P>I hope that makes sense.<P>Since I have been neglectful so far . . .Welcome. I am sorry that you find yourself in a position where you need to be on this forum.

Kyra>>no offense taken. Just didn't want you to think I was some wide-eyed pie-in-the-sky dreamer. <BR>Mad>>I'm beyond that "how does he feel about me" stage. But I do think things are coming to a head...

yeah, you did read my post. i would kick him, if i could get my pregnancy swollen feet to the level of his @$$. <BR>(who, ME, angry? nahhh)

Madelyn,<BR>It's not just you. <P>Curious,<BR>Girl, I know how you feel! You've got a bad case of "Want to love 'em but need to leave 'em". OK...that might be corny but my excuse is it's 1 am here...

ES>>thanks, but I'm not sorry I'm here...this is the best forum for getting many different views of a situation. I've read some of the posts in here and I'm sorry that people do some of the viscious things I've read about here to each other (I know I know--I'm being hypocritcal). what can I say, it isn't always black and white.

Sooo...if it came to a head...what is your best guess of what would happen:<P>1. If MM had his way<BR>2. If you had your way<BR>3. If wife had her way<BR>4. If it went the right way<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

love Was Blind,<BR>When is your baby due? And thanks for the message above, I almost missed it.<P>Curious,<BR>You and I both know what the right thing to do is, in our respective situations. Why don't WE GET OFF THE PROVERBIAL POT?

Kyra-<BR>baby girl, due 10-9. 2yo sleeping peacfully. "infidelity diet" is getting me a lot of grief from the doctor, 'EAT MORE!'<P>curious-you aren't bad, just misguided. it's very tough, but you know what is right.<P>i'm going to bed now.<BR>good luck

curious -- I don't think your being hypocritical at all. I know that I have done things in my situation which I wouldn't have done under "normal" circumstances.<P>Correct me if I am wrong, but wouldn't you rather be in love with a man who did not have a family that he was playing against you. I mean if you had met your MM when he was single wouldn't things be a lot easier for you? That's what I mean when I say that I am sorry you have need to be here. This is a very good place for me to be as well, so I can understand what you are saying.

FHL>>You know, I really don't know. I think it would play out like this....<BR>1. If he had his way...he'd continue to have his cake and eat it to...(me and her)<BR>2. If I had my way....I'd have all my bills paid off, a clean kitchen, richard gere cooking in it, and an aerobically toned body.<BR>3. If wife had her way....She'd probably want #2 as well<BR>4. If it went the right way...see #2 and #3<BR>:-)

If you're beyond the "how he feels about you" stage, you've already tackled a major hurdle. Sounds to me like you're kind of between the "he's not an honest person, how could I contemplate wanting a future with him" and "getting it all out in the open, bringing it to a conclusion" stage. Sounds as if you want closure, one way or another. I betrayed before (as did my Husband) so I can see where you are coming from. But here are some things I've learned (my perspective only):<P>The relationship built upon lies and deceit, (married partner) will ultimately bring forth the same...lies and deceit in the new relationship.<P>The person who is involved in an affair has to "own up" to what is driving them to seek a relationship other than with their spouse. Is it really the spouse that's "so bad" or is it something that needs to be addressed within themselves?<P>You're having some serious doubts about this, which is good, because you are knowing the difference between right and wrong here. This is wrong, I know it, I was there. And in retrospect, it's so easy to say, "geez, what a complete fool I was to ruin what I had". You aren't married, but you have the chance to change things NOW. Take a look at this guy, he's not honest with his wife, he's (I'm sure) not honest with you. Take it from someone who's been there, it's the most horrible pain one can inflict upon another, causes IRREPERABLE damage to lives. Would be happy to talk to you if you want more in depth.<BR>

I'm going to call it a night. Curious, if anything, in trying to help you, I've helped myself a little. Now I'm going to "sleep on it".<BR>I've posted to you as someone who's been both betrayed/betrayer. I was pregnant like LWB when my H first cheated on me. The pain his W is facing in her future is UNREAL. I cannot convey to you in words how it feels. My oldest child is old enough to know something's amiss with Mommy & Daddy but too young to understand what it is. His W & children...I just don't know what to say. Anyway, since the affair cannot be undone, his W cannot be spared the heartache. As long as this situation continues, the hurt is only postponed and her healing cannot begin. You cannot be a whole person either, not being a player in deceit. <BR>Good night everyone.<BR><P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR>

Kyra, I was wondering about this fast moving thread, there must be some record here on MB for this..

mad>>you know, this is very interesting: <P>"The person who is involved in an affair has to "own up" to what is driving them to seek a relationship other than with their spouse. Is it really the spouse that's "so bad" or is it something that needs to be addressed within themselves?" <P>Somebody should write that in stone somewhere. <P>You've given me stuff to seek within myself here...what do I need to address in myself that drives me to be with someone who is unattainable? very interesting.......<P>

Great answer. But if he couldn't have his cake and eat it, too.<P>If for whatever reason his wife did find out or one of the three of you brought it to a head...what do you think would really happen?<P>Do you think MM would choose you, or come to you if wife kicked him out?<P>Would you want him to? Would you allow it?<P>Who ultimately has the most control in your triangle?

Yes, I'm going to bed too...Definetly have stuff to think about...Thank you all SO MUCH...this is my first time on a bb and really proved to be worth it. I will be checking in with you guys again SOON...TTFN<BR>