My Fiance of one year has a 5yo daughter (soon to be 6) and I have 6 and 7yo boys. He and his daughter moved to Maine to be with us from S.C. My problem is that my family treats all the children equally which is the way it should be. If they can't do for all of them they won't do for any of them. On the other hand, his mother is constantly buying clothes, toys and treats for his daughter and my children get nothing ever from her. I have tried being patient about the situation but my children are constantly being left out and it leaves me feeling resentful. I've tried telling him how I feel about it but he just gets angry with me because he feels that I'm putting his mother down and I'm not, I love his mother, she is a wonderful woman but I also love my children and I don't feel I can tolerate them being made to feel less important because he and his mother don't know how to be fair when it comes to the kids. It's not the material issue that upsets me, my kids don't want for much, it's the principle of the thing. He feels it's "different" because she lives so far away (I'm sure he could justify anything if it concerned him or his family). I don't feel it's "different". Where she lives doesn't matter my boys are right there everytime a box comes from her and are also there when it's opened to find a load of special things just for Hannah. I don't expect them to love my children as they love her (right now) but I do expect them to be fair and considerate. We visited with the three children recently for a week and his mother made no attempt to get to know the boys. I felt (as I'm sure they did also) that they were being "tolerated". She never went out with us and the kids but took Hannah out for a day by herself, atleast 3 times a day she brought her to her bedroom and shut the door so they could "spend some time together" and you would hear them laughing and playing but when one of my boys went down to join in the "party" was over and they came out and joined the rest of us again. She wanted pictures but only of Hannah. Am I being selfish and unreasonable or am I just in the way I'm feeling? I really need some advice on this, I've been contemplating asking him to move back home. That's how serious this disturbes me. Has anyone been through a similar experience?<BR>PLEASE HELP!!!

You are not being unreasonable. His mother is making it clear that she is not accepting your children as "part of the family". Possibly she will after marriage, but doubtful.<P>The bigger issue, however, is that your fiance seems willing to support his mother's position over yours. Not a good sign. <P>Consider going to couples counseling together prior to getting married. Blended families are hard & If you & he cannot communicate and work together and support each other, you will not likely succeed.<P>Good luck--<P>Kathi

<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Somber (edited November 01, 2000).]