My husband and I have been married 4 years now. We have had a very rough time but have managed to stick together through it all.<P>Not too long ago he hit me. I, of course, got mad and called the police and pressed charges against him. We ended up getting through the whole mess by Marriage Builders. Even though it was horrible what he did and what we went through it helped us to understand each other better through Marriage Builders.We figured out where our problems were and started to try to make ourselves happy again.<P>Our biggest conflict is children. I want them, he doesnt. So I decided it would be best not to pressure him because I did not want to bring a child into our already fragile marriage especially if it would make him resent the child and me. I expressed to him that I wanted children with him but I would try to make myself deal with it. I will admit I feel a little "cheated" but what can I do?<P>Since we have had that discussion I feel like he is starting to take away everything that I want or like. We had a dog he didnt like it so we got rid of it. He didnt want to spend the money for me to join a different gym (even though it was saving us almost $200 a year) so I didnt. He tried to tell me to get rid of my cat that I had before we even met but I drew the line there. When I finally do stand up for something I want or need I get called the dreaded "B" word and he tells me Im arguing with him and leaves.<P>Reading these Marriage Builders topics has helped me open my eyes to what I was doing wrong and where I needed to change. But I feel like he is trying to control me or something. But I also think maybe Im acting like a brat. Im starting to get very angry with him and I see us starting to follow the same paths we were on before he hit me. Im starting to put in longer hours at work and when I am home he either goes to sleep or goes to the back room. When I ask to talk about it he doesnt want to. Iam starting to feel like I am in a living hell again! I am getting so angry with him becaue I feel like I am selling myself short. Children are very important to me but so is he. And if I have them I want them with him. He has told me so many times that he knows I want to have children so I should go have them with someone else! What is that??!!! I dont understand any of this. I am confused and was wondering AM I THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH THIS?

Hi Cubbie,<BR>I don't usually reply but I saw myself in your post. Or rather, I was with someone who made me feel the same and treated me the same as your H. Mine never hit me, but I believe that everything else he was doing was emotional abuse which is just as damaging only it doesn't leave visable scars. <P>I am so sorry that the only advise I have to give you is to see a councelor. Hopefully, your H will go too. However, if he's anything like mine he will not admit that there is any problem and if there is a problem it's yours. <P>Another reason I can't give you any good advise is that I am getting a divorce. Along with his emotional abuse, controlling and not wanting to have children, my H had an affair. By the time I found Marriage Builders it was way too late. Hopefully for you it isn't. <P>One last thing I will add, if you truly want children be careful in your decision to stay with H. I waited too long to end things and now I may not have another chance. <P>My thoughts are with you.

Thank you so much for your reply. My mind is begining to work overtime thinking about everything I have been thinking about. I have thought about what you are going through now with getting a divorce and having no children and not being able to have children now. I hate to admit but that is on my mind alot! Like I said I want to have children with him but I do wonder if Im selling myself short? Is there someone out there who will treat me better and I will want to have children with them? I am so confused! I am seeing a counslor myself and my husband and I see a counslor together through the church. He is very set in his ways though and I really dont think he feels he is doing anything wrong. He thinks thats what he wants to do and thats it! I see us getting further and further apart. In fact last night was the first time we talked to each other in about 4 days. I know I cant go on living this way. Its just not right. But Im having a hard time "giving up". Has anyone else felt this way? Is it worth it to stick it out? Do men really change or am I living in a fantasy?<P>cubbielove

Dear cubbielove,<BR>I can also relate to your post. My husband pushed me, and when it is mentioned now it was "because he didn't want me to leave".<BR>I keep wondering too, how much do I have to take before I decide to stop playing these awful games.<BR> I know this is a marriageBUILDER site but I'm so glad I found somebody to discuss this with.<BR>Hang in there! I'm on your side...