I have never seen my potential marriage-buster situation anywhere, because what I'm about to describe is usually reversed in the wife/husband roles. I have been married before with 3 teenage/adult children who are living with their father, with ups and downs, but mostly they're doing well. My now-husband did not have children from his first marriage, so at the age of 39, I agreed to have another child based upon the following commitments/agreements: I would continue to work because I loved my career/job--agreed by husband and wife. With the birth of our son, my husband discovered his aversion to day care was so great, we agreed I would stay home with the following agreement: I agreed to stay home with the understanding I could return to work if I had a difficult time; I did have a difficult time and wanted to return to work--husband threatened to quit well-paying job in order to keep son out of day care; pre-marriage agreement--I would agree to having another child at 39 years of age if husband would stop smoking for his health and as an example to his son--he has broken this commitment twice, with other short-term breakdowns; pre-marriage agreement--husband would eat healthy, as wife had to for pregnancy, and both would lose weight for health--wife did lose weight, husband did not which has prompted not sleeping together for 3 years because of sonic boom snoring; husband's job requires entertaining on weeknights and weekends, and husband refuses to "let" wife hire a babysitter based on his feeling there are no humans alive, other than family (family are not available on an on-call basis), who would be mature enough to take care of his son. He even threatened to quit his job if I hired a babysitter on occasional 2-3-hour bases. This means when last-minute entertainment crops up, husband expects wife to "accommodate" and change her "attitude" to be accommodating. No options are presented for relief of wife. The marriage is now at a breaking point where wife requests counseling, and husband refuses stating all these problems are the wife's--not husband's. Since the child has been born, wife has felt she's #2--not #1. Husband's feeling is that even though he made all these agreements before the marriage, and the wife did most of the compromising, he is changing his mind for the welfare and well-being of his son. The wife feels the husband is willing to sacrifice the wife's self-esteem and individuality and mental health based on the well-being of the son. I am very interested in telephone counseling and have read His Needs, Her Needs and many of the other posts, including the "control" scenario. Ironically, I find my husband extremely attractive and love him very much and have no desire for an affair, which is strange considering my vulnerability with what I consider my needs not being met. We rarely have sex any more, and still I have no desire to fulfill my needs elsewhere. Of course, I am so isolated, my chances of meeting someone who could fulfill my needs is very small. There aren't too many opportunities with a 3-year-old attached to my leg. How many broken commitments can a marriage withstand before it collapses? Even though I know I could not bring in the kind of income my husband does, at this point, I am willing to be the wage-earner and have my husband quit his job. This would mean giving up the lifestyle we are accustomed to, nice house, woods, rural living, etc. I question whether a marriage would survive that kind of adjustment, but I have no ties to material things. I welcome any feedback and constructive criticism of my position. If my husband chooses to ask for advice, he may.