What i have done wrong is that i have lied to my wife about an investment that i made when it was brought to her attention she asked me about it an i denied it thinking that the money would be replaced soon. My wife decided to have the bank investigate the issue when i found out two weeks later i knew even if i do replace the money i would still have to answer the question why did i lie about it in the first place at tis point it's three weeks later and after given me three chances to tell the truth about the money i told her the truth it did not go over well because she had already knew the truth because of my actions i had let this situation consum me and was not ther for my wife physically or emotionally i was not not the same person that she married at that time, so in processing the situation she went back to past issues and questioned those answers was he lying to me then i know everything goes back to trust and is it possible for that to be regained ( if so could you please tell me how ). About three weeks to a month prior to all of this coming out as i said befor i had let the situation take me away from her completly and that was another issue so at htis piont it's not just about the money or the lying it's about the trust and the question do you realy love me.<P>I love my wife with all of my heart.<BR>

OK, the issue is that you lied to your wife about an investment, and now she does not trust you. <P>I am sure you will agree she found out about this in about the worst way possible. You could have confessed a few times, but never did. <P>The key question to answer (to your wife, not me) is why you wanted to lie to her about the investment. I assume the investment went sour, or that you used money that your wife felt should have been used in some other way. This is not a trivial issue. <P>You need to go over all your financials with your wife and be completely honest about all of them. If this was not an investment, but the money was spent on something you do not want her to find out about, you need to let her know. If she is open to it, your wife may need to be the one to handle your money, at least for a while. <P>Were your past issues, the ones your wife brought up, also related to money? I get the feeling there is more going on here than appears at first glance.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by rs0522:<BR><B>OK, the issue is that you lied to your wife about an investment, and now she does not trust you. <P>I am sure you will agree she found out about this in about the worst way possible. You could have confessed a few times, but never did. <P>The key question to answer (to your wife, not me) is why you wanted to lie to her about the investment. I assume the investment went sour, or that you used money that your wife felt should have been used in some other way. This is not a trivial issue. <P>You need to go over all your financials with your wife and be completely honest about all of them. If this was not an investment, but the money was spent on something you do not want her to find out about, you need to let her know. If she is open to it, your wife may need to be the one to handle your money, at least for a while. <P>Were your past issues, the ones your wife brought up, also related to money? I get the feeling there is more going on here than appears at first glance. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>The past issues were about money at all they were about an exgirlfriend showing up at my apartment unanounced one morning at the same time i had invited my wife over ( girlfriend at that time )we had been seeing each other for abount two and a half to three months i introduced the two of them and ask the other to leave she then told my wife that we were still seeing each other which was not true i thought that we had delt with that back then because we took a week away from each other to see if that was where we wanted to be and we decided that it was, i was not seeing the two of them but when you have told a lie to someone that you say you love it's a natural reaction to think back on other issues so at this point she thinks that i lied then also.<P>

I don't think there is anything you can do about your old girlfriend showing up. <P>I still think you need to let your wife run the finances for a bit. If there is ANYTHING else you haven't told her, or that you don't want her to know about, let her know now. <P>Sounds like time for plan A. See the rest of this site for how to set this up. <P>The only way to build trust is to be trustworthy for a long time. Sorry there are no easy answers.