We have been married for 5 years. For our first aniversary, my husband was fired for alleged sexual harrassment, which he emphatically denied. The same day, he was taken to jail because a trouble making co-worker accused him of threatening her. <BR>This all cost us alot of money and grief.<BR>I am a loving person and I chose to believe his side of the story.<BR>But that is when the trust stopped.<BR>Since then he has done many things I do not understand.<BR>When I bring up things that I am uncomfortable with or don't understand, he becomes very defensive, most of the time to the point of throwing things and being verbally abusive.<BR>Summer 1999 I had questioned him about several things over several weeks and each time he got madder. Finally, I ended up in a shelter. After a week, I decided to give him another chance because he is normally a kind, sensitive person. He agreed to go to counseling and give up the internet. But he didn't read any of the recommended material.<BR>Recently I have found empty vodka bottles...a couple at a time...hidden in the garage. Each time he explained that they were from last year before we had our terrible time. Yet I wondered why he started brushing his teeth before I came home from work...or eating doritos!<BR>I started going to Al-anon meetings and he was so offended he told me if he was going to be accused of it, he might as well go ahead and do it. He got in my purse and took $4 and bought a bottle of vodka and drank it the next night.<BR>We went around again last week about the drinking. He got very aggravated and said he was probably never going to get it "through your thick head..." and swore he hasn't had any alcohol since last year except that one time.<BR>Am I crazy for staying with this man???<BR>I keep giving him the benefit of the doubt but increasingly my mother and daughter think he is lying and want me to break free of him.<BR>He is very good at smoothing things over after the damage is done and making me think it's all me...and my insecurities. <BR>I am a nurse without health benefits and cannot afford a counselor.<BR>Thanks!:-)<BR> <BR> <BR>

Sounds like he is a skilled liar, master manipulator, and that others have caught him and held him accountable, but you are willing to hide your head in the sand.<P>Time to set some boundaries on your own behavior and what you will do. I'm glad you went to alanon. Don't stop. His bottle in your face was totally adequate justification.<P>Respect yourself, don't sell out your soul and your daughter's life for a measly health insurance policy!

Dear Karenna,<BR>Thank you for your reply. I needed to hear that. <BR>This man has told me that "I will never let you leave me", and he refuses to go when I have asked him to. <BR>I need to stay with the house and list it on the market, because I don't want him to damage my credit by letting it go onto foreclosure.<BR>What is the first step? Do I need a lawyer at this point?<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Karenna:<BR><B>Sounds like he is a skilled liar, master manipulator, and that others have caught him and held him accountable, but you are willing to hide your head in the sand.<P>Time to set some boundaries on your own behavior and what you will do. I'm glad you went to alanon. Don't stop. His bottle in your face was totally adequate justification.<P>Respect yourself, don't sell out your soul and your daughter's life for a measly health insurance policy!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by A56dove:<BR><B>This man has told me that "I will never let you leave me" </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This sounds like a threat to me. Get a lawyer, get back to the shelter, do whatever it takes to keep yourself and your daughter safe. Contact your lender and find out what you can do under the circumstances to protect your credit.<P>Your safety comes first!<P>

Talk to a lawyer experienced in Domestic Violence family cases. The local women's shelter should have referals even if you don't feel you need to check in yet.<P>Throwing things is physical abuse and violence because it is a physical demonstration of force calculated to INTIMIDATE you. <P>Be sure you get the resources you need. Move fast to protect yourself and hide your moves from him completely. Cover your tracks for now. There are legal ways to get him out and to have him pay family support or the bills even before the details of separation are worked out.<P>Good luck! You can do this.

Karenna and smidgen,<BR>I just wanted to thank you for your answers to my post!:-)<BR>I have been soaking up information from very good internet sites on alcoholism as well as Marriagebuilders, and have learned alot.<BR>I have an appt. with a counselor tomorrow.<BR>Offer up some positive thoughts on my behalf....<BR>BLESS YOU