Looking for a little help again....I posted below regarding my fiance's issues with jealousy and, while I accept that I play a role in this, I'm wondering if this is something that can be cured down the road. Will I always have to endure fights every single time that someone of the male persuasion talks to me, or if I happen to be standing near someone he feels pressured by?<BR>I feel we need help, but he feels that why should he get help for something I am doing? <BR>I am at the point where I don't want to go out anywhere, out of fear that I might have to speak to someone who is a man and that will cause a fight because he will inevitably read into my asking where the bananas as some blatantly flirtatious act. I am trying and trying to show him how much I love him, holding his hand, being very close to him when in public, but it just seems to keep getting worse. He is going through an extremely stressful time right now and I don't want to be an additional stressor for him by being responsible (at least in his eyes) for these fights. I want the love of my life back, not this green eyed monster that is so angry all the time.<BR>Thanks for reading, and thank you for letting me vent

I dated a guy that acted the same way as your fiance. If my x asked me stay home, I would do it, so I wouldn't create problems between us. I was 18 yrs old at the time. He asked me to marry him several times. I was dumb to be with him a little over a year but smart enough to know not to marry him. I told him I would marry him when he showed me change in the way he treated me. His response was "once we get married it will be different because you are going to be my wife and I therefore I won't act this way". That wasn't good enough for me. I knew he would never change, it would only get worse. He met a 16 year old, got her pregnant and proposed to her while he was still dating me. My point here is that because he knew he was messing around with other women, he thought I was do the same to him. He was jealous, controlling and mentally abuse. If I would've stayed longer in the relationship it could have gotten physically abusive. After he was out of my life, well so I thought. During his engagement, a week before the wedding he called me because he wanted me back. I found the strength to tell him I would rather shoot myself in the head before I went back with him. Even after he got married he continued to call me. His new wife knew he had been messing around with other women (which did not include me). I was just happy she put herself in that situation and not me. In a way I am glad I went through this experience it made me become a stronger person both mentally and spiritually. After a year from the breakup, I was able to start dating again and was able to detect guys who where the same way as my x were. I dated nice professionals with an education who had alot going for themselves, who always treated me like a lady. Now I am married to someone who is almost the same as my x, which really bothers me because I refused to be in that situation again and I am in it now. It's not so much the jealousy part that the problem it's the control issue I am having a problem with.<P>Every time I hear someone going through what you are going through it breaks my heart. You should never feel guilty for what you do. There is nothing wrong with talking to other guys or looking at them. He is the one who has the problem but is turning it back to you. He is trying to make you feel guilty (which you shouldn't feel that way at all). By you trying harder to show him that you do love him is only making te situation worse. It sounds like he is a very insecure person just like my husband, but of course they will never admit to it because they think they are to much of a macho man to feel insecure. Please get counseling before you get married. That is one thing me and my husband didn't do which I regret. If I knew back then what I know now, I would rather spend the rest of my life being single. I seemed to be much happier.<P>Marcy

Dr. Harley suggests you date at least 30 men before you choose your spouse. A wise suggestion indeed. Trust me, there are men who aren't that jealous and who you will love once you get to know them. Sounds like you should leave this one to some one who likes a jealous H.

<BR>My wife is the same way. Her jealousy is outerageous.<P>She is extremely sensitive and competely intolerant of even the most casual contact with other women.<P>That is only one of the the things she wanted to fight about continuously.<P>You name it, and she would start an argument over it.<P>I couldn't take it anymore so I left her and moved 900 miles away.<P>This hurt her so she filed for divorce.<P>When we talk on line, all she still does is argue.<P>I would like to work things out, but after 6 weks apart, she has not shown any indication that things would be any different than the way they were when I was there.<P>Everything is all my fault.<P>But I don't argue anymore.<P>I signed the papers. I don't want to get a divorce.<P>There are many things we can do to work it out and I am actually excited about getting started, but I can't make her go along any more than I can get her to stop arguing and fighting.<P>I don't know how it will all turn out.<P>

I need some advice. I am married 4 years and previously divorced. I am the jealous one. My husband has never given me reason to be jealous, but I am so insecure. I love him to bits, but now I am sure I have lost him for good. He has distanced himself to such an extent that there is no more affection. He has taken a new job as sound and lighting technician and at night he works as a ligting DJ. He has been working every night for the past month. He gets 3 hours sleep a day and weekends he sleeps the day away. It looks like he doesn't want to be with me any more. This job allows him free meals as a job perk, and I can't remember when last he ate at home. The pool is going green (algae). He started doing house extensions and now this is standing still. I am the one tending to the garden etc. I can't ask him questions, then he gets all defensive. he says he loves me still, but things will never be the same again. What do I do?

I need some advice. I am married 4 years and previously divorced. I am the jealous one. My husband has never given me reason to be jealous, but I am so insecure. I love him to bits, but now I am sure I have lost him for good. He has distanced himself to such an extent that there is no more affection. He has taken a new job as sound and lighting technician and at night he works as a ligting DJ. He has been working every night for the past month. He gets 3 hours sleep a day and weekends he sleeps the day away. It looks like he doesn't want to be with me any more. This job allows him free meals as a job perk, and I can't remember when last he ate at home. The pool is going green (algae). He started doing house extensions and now this is standing still. I am the one tending to the garden etc. I can't ask him questions, then he gets all defensive. he says he loves me still, but things will never be the same again. What do I do?

I am the jealous one in the relationship with my W. However hard I try something always crops up that brings my jealousy to the front. I have thought many times that I am over reacting, am insecure, etc. Insecurity has to stem from something and many times my W does not realize she says or does things to trigger the insecurity. W and I have tried to talk about it but it is funny how people only see one side of the story. She thinks I am being ridiculous and just laughs. Funny though when on a different occasion I do the same exact thing she gets upset! I know it is hard but try and determine what things trigger the jealousy and work to avoid those. To love someone is to understand them but does not necessarily mean to change them.<P> My W used to always hold my hand or arm when we were in public also. It felt good and made me secure, but then she would quickly glance at another man and go umm. What would you think?<P>It is also funny how jealousy is perceived during the courtship and after the marriage!

I have a jelous husband and i warn you to not get married until this is dealt with. It is an ongoing battle for us and it is infuriating! Its not right, and if I could turn back time I would of worked this out before we got married. It didn't get better after getting married - it got worse. <BR>I wish I knew how to stop it, but I am coming to the conclusion that no matter how hard I try, he will find something to be jelous about. It is sooo frustrating! It is ruining the possiblity of a very close and wonderful relationship b/c of the jelousy.<BR>I hope things for your sake get better, but I strongly suggest that things change or you get out before you get married