I've been married three years and have a 2 year old daughter. Nine months ago, we moved from my husband's home town of Michigan to my home town of Pennsylvania. We moved mainly because I had a job that would increase my pay by 50% plus I wanted to live near my family which I hadn't done for 15 years. My husband agreed. Six months into the arrangement, he was miserable and depressed. Citing PA as a miserable place to live, he wanted to move back. I said I would only if he found a job financially comparable to mine so I could work part-time and spend more time with our daughter. He found a job but the pay is just OK. I would still have to work full-time and we're not gaining anything except he would be back home.<BR>Any advice? If I stay in PA, he may move back and be miserable or he may not come back at all. If I go to MI, we'll be together but I risk a lot in pay, contact with my family and maybe loosing my mind. Help!

FAMILY ALWAYS COMES BEFORE JOBS OR MONEY!!! It's that simple, don't even consider putting your marriage and family on the line for money. Your husband and daughter are your family and they are your main concern. I went through a similar situation, I had a well-paying job, and had to take a $10,000 pay cut to move to my husbands hometown where he found a well-paying job. I am not happy here, and would like to move nearer my family and friends, but I wouldn't be happy anywhere without my husband. So, you must remember that as a wife you must submit to your husband, biblically speaking. He is the head of the family, and should make the decisions. Although this may sound very June Cleaverish, it is true. You must sacrifice for your family, and if that means moving back to Michigan with your husband, then do so-make the best of the situation, your daughter will be grateful you did!!!

Thanks for the reply. In most ways I agree with you; I have to make the best of it but we're moving into a worse financial situation, not a better one. I think that's important to consider for our future. This is quite a struggle for me but the bottom line is that you're right, I can't choose my "immediate" family over my "nuclear" or my husband and child. I just keep thinking we didn't give PA a chance. I'm sure you hate hauling your child to see your family and I'm afraid that I'll be doing this infrequently and alone. You do sound a bit June Cleverish. I've always been the breadwinner and have made his life more comfortable because of it. I don't think it's right to say to give into his demands. Isn't marriage supposed to be 50/50?

Actually, who ever said marriage is 50/50 obviously never had a successful marriage. I have been married for 4 1/2 years, and in that time, my husband and I have been through a lot. I understand where you are coming from about being away from your "immediate family" and I miss mine too, but the bottom line is that I need my "nuclear" family-they are my life. Like I said before, when we moved to my husbands hometown, I took a major paycut, so, we really didn't get ahead in a financial sense. I too have been the major breadwinner in the family, and you know what? I thought just like you, if I make the money, I call the shots. But my husband felt less than a man because he could not provide for our family the way he wanted. Once your husband gets a better paying job, even if you have to take a pay cut, be happy for him and support him, it will do wonders for your family and marriage. <P>Sometimes we have to compensate and sacrifice for our partners weakness, sometimes we have to give 70% or 80% when our spouses just don't feel like putting for the effort. If I thought marriage was 50/50 I would have been divorced a long time ago. Hang in there, it will work out!!

Juliachristina,<P>"I don't think it's right to say to give into his demands"-Your statement here is not what I meant. What I mean is that you must realize that you are your husband's wife, and as his wife you must do whatever it takes to make him feel loved and appreciated. I will tell you this, NO MAN LIKES AN ARGUMENTATIVE WIFE! anyone who tells you different, has a troubled relationship, at best. I have found that I get more out of my husband when I am compliant and agreeable than when I am hot-tempered and demanding, it takes some getting used too, but once you do it a few times and see the results, you'll understand why it is easier and better to be submissive instead of defensive.

I understand being a submissive wife will make a husband happy, but why must I always be the giver? I'm the breadwinner, too, and 99% of the time life is great. Then, all of a sudden, he blows a fuse and I'm left to figure out what I did wrong. I'm biting my tongue not to say the wrong thing while he can make all sorts of accusations and harsh comments, knowing all will be forgiven eventually.<P>This just isn't fair.

Jenny, I must agree with you. I am going through a tough time right now. We have been married for 22 years and have been happy all those years. But a few weeks ago my husband decided he wanted to move 1,000 miles away to where his parents are all because he was not happy with his job. He never stays happy with a job for very long, and that is why I am against going. He quit his job and within 3 days he was gone. He did want me to come, and still does. I am torn. We both do still love each other, but I have pretty much done anything I could to please him and I do not want to do this. I believe he really thought I would come and his parents told him to go ahead and make the move as I would follow him. Our home has always been here and we have a nice house that is almost paid for. He says he is there for the money, but he is making about $1.00 more per hour. Is a dollar worth all it is doing to us? I fear that we may be on the way to a divorce. He wants me to sell the house right away. What if I make the move and am not satisfied and we have sold the house? This is where I have always lived and he came here and found me and decided to make his home here as well, without me even asking that of him. I feel that he should come back here. Also, I have health problems and don't know if I can take the heat or the sun down there. Please pray for us and our marriage!

Might add that we do not have any children.