My husband & I have been married for 10 years and we have 3 children. My situation is that for the past several years my marriage has been nothing but one battle after another. Realizing we both have had more than our share of problems with life in general for instance I have 19 major surgeries under my belt, all being done within a 5 year period. You can only imagine the medical bills we have had. Not to mention my husbands political position with his job. He has been so bitter towards me for so long now and no matter what I do to try and make things better he says its never enough. Our closest friend told me Thanksgiving night that he (my husband) was ready to go because I won't change. I have been the only one in this marriage to even attempt to change, when I told him it was going to take efforts on both our parts he said something like when you show me a difference in your attitude and behavior things will be better. I'm tired of taking responsibility for all our problems and those range from finances to cooking and cleaning the house. Not long ago he told me that he measured how much I loved him by what I done in the house. I admit I have let my household chores go more than I ever have but this has taken a physical toll on me and the mental stress its caused is...well let's just say this I've already lost my mind! I love this man but lately that feeling of love is changing too growing tired of his cocky attitude and the way he puts me down in front of people. I honestly believe he's here because of the children and that is the only reason. Our sex life is dying also and he hasn't kissed me in well I stopped counting 7 years ago. I'm lonely and I don't work out of the home so that doesn't help either I am concerned about the impact its having on our children because they live by the examples they see at home. This probably don't make a bit of sense right now but if anyone can offer any advice please do, it will be greatly appreciated. May you all have a peaceful & joyous holiday.

Your situation sounds familiar, but I truly think you need to do a self-assessment. Don't focus on your husband, focus on changing YOU! If your kids are in school, go get a job! Even if its part-time, working will do wonders for your self-esteem, not to mention giving you some finanical autonomy and socialization. <P>It sounds like your husband isn't happy with himself, that is something he will have to get over. All you can do is support him and be there for him, but in order to do that, you have to get yourself together. If you can stand to lose some weight, join a gym, get a new haircut, get a manicure, start enhancing your physical appearance and you will feel good inside and out-not to mention, it may turn your husband on in the romance department.<P>Your children are probably as dear to you as mine are to me, and you owe it to them to have a good home life and a strong, confident mother to look up to-so pick yourself up this upcoming New Year and change some things within yourself.

Thank you for what you said and your absolutely right! I do want to let you know where I'm headed in this. I have applied for several job openings and am waiting to hear a response. I haven't worked in so long and I just hope they don't hold that against me. I love my husband very much and his job is quite stressful, he is a cop or an investigator arather and is Lt. over over the two departments that has the highest crime rate. I have seen him slip into a shell for months now and I have slipped right along with him but I have to find a way to get out of it and now! I just wanted to say thank yu for responding to my post. I am thankful for places like this even though this is the first time I have ever spoke out about anything private with my family before. I'm certainly glad for others who can relate and have been down this road before. Have a wonderful day and take care!