Well, we had a big fight tonight - me and my wife. I think we are done forever this time. It wasn't really what the fight was about that matters. What matters is that I do not want to take it anymore.<P>To fill you in - we have been married for 13 years (been together 14 years). I was 27 - very little experience with women when we met, she also was 27, but had been married once ( at age 17) and separated with one child. Her first marriage lasted 8 years and ended as an abusive relationship. She was raised in Portugal under very poor, very hard conditions - not much love, not much money. She married at age 17 to someone that she did not even know all that well, just in an effort to get away from her controlling parents. I felt sorry for her when we met because it seemed like she was a very nice, old fashioned woman that had been beaten up by her drunken husband over and over again, and had endured a very difficult childhood. Once we were married she became rather demanding of me, to do things for her, seemed depressed a lot of the time. I tried always to do different things that I thought would make her feel good - but nothing changed. Many times she left me in tears - saying hurtful things to me. Gradually over the years I have been forced to become tougher. I always thought that in time she would see how much different I was than her first husband, that once she could see how good I was that she would feel different - never did. We have had 3 wonderful children together and have built a very successful small business over the years. However she was never really happy - especially with me it seemed. I was always loyal and tried to be a loving husband for her and a good father to our children. She began to take anti-depressants, and it helped some at first - it seemed.<P>About 4 years ago, I found out that she had been having an affair with someone that she had met at a party that she had gone to alone without me or our children. They even had sex that night ( the night that they met) in the van that I surprised her with on Xmas of 1996. I was crushed beyond belief. <P>She left me at this time, ended the affair (I think) with this guy and ended up moving back with me after 3 months. I was really hard for me to trust her, but she still lied about a lot of things even after it was over.<P>Her mother had a major stroke in June 1999 - and my wife made the 2 hour drive each way to see her 3 times a week - always staying over night. The whole time I was trying to run our business by myself and look after the kids too. We never had hardly any quality time together as a couple or as a family. In November 1999, she said she was moving at the end of January 2000 - I said OK, but said why wait till then because she was so hard to live with - there was no point.<P>She did move out Jan 27/2000 - 2 hours away and left all our children with me. She says there was no other man, but I am not so sure, because she often is not honest. She built a life there - job, car, apartment, friends - including a boyfriend that is at least 12 years older than her.<P>I also became involved with a woman that treated me very well - mostly because I thought that my wife no longer loved or wanted me. At the end of August my wife mover back home with me and the kids - I thought things would be different - but they aren't. She gives all of her best to everyone else, (her friends, her job, her own family) but me and the kids only get what is left, and it mostly is not very good. Her ex-boyfriend sent her a love letter a couple of months ago, which I did intercept. She had kept intimate underwear that he had bought for her - until I demanded that she get rid of it. She still has (I think) photographs of him and her together. What makes it bad is that he works as a nurse at the same hospital that her mother is a patient in - and I know she ran into him there on at least one occasion. Last week after we had a little fight, I noticed that she had called his number on our phone - but says she got no response.<P>She claims that she cannot get over the fact that I was involved with another woman. I had sex with this woman, had her in my bed in my house, had her in our new vehicle, spent time with our children. What was I to do?? I thought my wife hated me, did not love me and never, ever wanted anything to do with me. I was just spending a little bit of time with someone that treated my well. <P>The reality of this, is that if it wasn't this, it would be something else that would be wrong in her mind. She continues to take higher and higher levels of anti-depressants - but still seems to be depressed. She does not want to do very much with me or with the children. We all seem like a burden to her. She is miserable and nasty most of the time with us, but with outside people she treats them with kindnes and warmth. After tonights fight she says she is leaving and right now that seems like the best. I have tried some of Dr. Harley's suggestions, but we don't seem to be getting anywhere, because I have been the only one really trying to make it better.<P>I love her still - I don't know why, but I do. But I can't live like this anymore - all of the hurt and lack of affection that I get from her. I think I should just let her go and try and put her behind me, even though she has been the love of my life - if only she could be happy with me!<P>What should I do???<P>richard