This may sound unimportant but I have been married for 4 years and have NEVER received one gift from my husband at birthday or christmas. I tell him each year that it hurts my feelings. I don't need anything fancy or expensive but every holiday comes around and he dissapoints me yet again. He said he's just not the "gift giving type". Even though I tell him that it hurts me, he still doesn't do it. What should I do????

That's a tough one, I certainly understand how it hurts your feelings. I remember the last several years living with my parents, they forgot my birthday, a couple of times until the middle of the next month. But, you don't get to chose family; you do chose who you marry, and you hope for more, there. <P>You haven't mentioned much about the rest of your marriage; your satisfaction with it, how you releate, etc. Have you read some of the Harley's books, like "His Needs, Her Needs"? Understanding these might be important for both you and your husband. <BR>Some other questions come to mind- too many, perhaps! Are there things in your marriage that your husband is missing, but wants, in the way you desire this recognition at your Birthday and Xmas? Has your husband always been this way- was he this way while courting? If so, what was it about him that you originally found attractive? I would ask "Why did you fall in love with him?", but I think Harville Hendrix's book, "Getting the Love you Want" explains pretty well the underlying reason why people fall in love; for any specific couple, it's a matter of puzzling out the details in their families of origin.<BR>Is there any similarity or pattern between what's happening between you two, and either his family or yours?<P>In a healthy relationship, I can't imaging spouses not making gifts on their Birthday's and Christmas; the "excuse" you say your husband gives rings hollow; I wonder if there isn't some other issue, or a family problem (maybe his family) driving it. If he loves you, this shouldn't be hard. Which, of course, is undoubtedly part of the problem in your mind- I would expect his behavior to cause you to doubt his love for you. <BR>Worth looking into, I'd say, but be prepared for something other than a simple answer.<P>Regards,<P>Jon

I have one question? When you two were dating did he give you gifts then? My guess is that he didn't, so, why would you expect for him to change now? Look at his family background, does his family give gifts for special occassions? Although this part of your husband is not making you happy, try to focus on the things that do make you happy about him and try to fulfill his emotional needs.

My husband doesn't do the gift thing either, but thinking back, he didn't do it when we were dating. We've been married 8 years this Christmas and he has bought a gift for me maybe one or two of those Christmases. It hurts, but I overlook it knowing that its "how he is" ... why should I try to change the real him? I buy for myself now .. and my children do as well. Go out and get yourself something that makes you happy.