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#56114 01/08/01 11:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 3
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Joined: Jan 2001
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I have been married almost 5 years and married my wife who had 3 children from two previous marriages. I had been married 3 times before. When I started dating my wife she had just bought a new house and we moved into the new house which was already in her name. It was the first house she had ever owned and we had a new baby arrive approximately 6 months after we moved in. The house was a 3 bedroom 2 bath house with a note of $289.00. I was working for a Police agency where she also worked. We had a wonderful relationship and within about a year and a half I was given an oppurtunity to move to better job working as an investigator with the District Attorney. The job paid more and more benefits. I worked there 3 years and the DA left and my job was in jepardy because of the new DA that was to take over. I got another oppurtunity to go to work for a college police dept. with much better benefits and much more money. I talked it over with my wife before we decided because it would involve us selling her house and moving to the next county due to having to live within the county of the college. We bought a much bigger house for the family but it was inside the city limits of a town and the previous house was in the country. The new house was two times bigger and the note went up $600 more dollars and was bought in both of our names. I was made alot of promises if I were to go to work there which later were lies and fell through. Although the money and benefits are much better there were lies. We moved and and sold her house and she was still having trouble with me not still working with her at the Police Dept. where we met. With all of the lies and false promises I found after working there only 3 months I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders because I had made a big mistake moving to the job and finances were tighting due to her having to drive 80 miles a day to work and then having to deal with her 15 year old daughter who hated me and was really giving us major problems. Within the last 6 months I walked out because I couldn't bare to tell my wife that I had moved her and our 4 kids to a different location and the job we moved for was the worst mistake I have ever made. We went from her house to a very nice house and she gave up her house and security for my job which is was the worst job I have ever had. I had so much pressure at my job and have worked there about a year and a half now and I was constantly harrassed and every day was a struggle fighting to keep my job from jealous officers who attempted every day to try and get me fired for this or that. Our communication broke down and I wouldn't talk to her and I am a little self centered and selfish in my ways. Over the last 6 months I have gone back 3 times and left 3 times but still couldn't talk to my wife and now I have come to realize how much I love her and am trying to tell her everything. She won't talk to me now and says she gave me my chances. We had a wonderful relationship until we moved 30 miles away from our home for the new job. If we divorce it will financially destroy us and she says she needs time to think and will not go to a marriage counselor or try and fix our marriage or even try to let go of her anger. She is mad that I took this job and I wouldn't talk to her and tell how unhappy I was at the job. I love her and will do anything I can to salvage our marriage. What to do?????? I love my wife but walked out on her because of all of the pressures that I was faced with. I have now talked to her about it and told her all of this within the last month but she will not let go of the hurt. I love my son who is 4 now and there is nothing that I will not do to save this marriage but I can't get my wife to talk to me. She hasn't asked for a divorce as of yet so there may be still hope. I am glad I left the job at the DA's office but sorry I ever left the Police Dept. Can anyone share any advice on how I can get my wife to let go of the hurt. We just put the house up for sale the job I have at the University has just given me a promotion where I can now live outside the county with more money. <P>[This message has been edited by Nighttrain (edited January 08, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Nighttrain (edited January 08, 2001).]

Joined: Nov 1999
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,063
Maybe you ought to print this out and give it to her if you have trouble being honest with her about all your feelings, etc. Taking direct action to get into therapy would also be a positive signal that you feel this marriage is worth the effort. If you click on the counseling link at the top of this page, they have a 1-800 # and a directory data base for telling you who in your area provides counseling utiliizing Harley concepts.<P>Good luck.


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