I am recently remarried and this subject may be the death of our marriage. Not only do I hate porn and all the slutty stuff that goes on in the media and the intense disrespect it shows toward women and the human mind in general, but I will be excommunicated from my church if I let this stuff into my home. My husband seems to accept it all as perfectly normal fare and has no concept of "morals". He thinks morals are something people with hangups fabricate. He watches anything and has quite a collection of hard core magazines and XXX movies. I've noticed that he likes only intercourse and showing affection is really difficult for him. I have read that this is normal for men who are addicted to porn. I have no problem with sex between partners but porn and explicit sex in some movies is really offensive to me. Please address this subject. I am older and was prepared to give and take on just about anything but this seems impossible. Is it?

Porn is present in some good marriages, absent in many bad ones. The problem is addiction, and diversion of his affection that should be directed towards you. <P>I don't think pornography existed in biblical times (so it isn't mentioned there--even if many denominations have condemned it later), and the Song of Solomon is fairly close to being erotic literature. If you don't want it, though; he is disrespectful in keeping it. Nonetheless, I don't think it will be anything you can change by direct action. <P>As for its disrespect toward women: these women are (usually) grown, and can make their own decisions. Some certainly are filled with regret later, but you don't need to worry about them. Worry about you and yours.<P>Unless he's addicted, think of porn as a symptom and not a disease. The disease is in your marriage ... you are losing respect for him, and he is losing respect for you ... and it is all because this has become a *big* issue. <P>If your church is at all enlightened, they will value your marriage above other considerations. They will not expect you to throw out the magazines & videos and/or him. What they will ask is that you influence him. Influence isn't sudden coercion. It's gradual conversion. <P>He needs to be too satisfied and busy to want to spend any time with the stuff. And then it needs to go out of the house as "old and disused" ... not by your edict to deprive him of it. You might even get him to throw away 5 hard core items and as compensation watch 1 new soft core item with him. Repeat until there's nothing but a collection of lame softcore. Then get rid of even that.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Cybersweetheart:<BR><B>I am recently remarried and this subject may be the death of our marriage. Not only do I hate porn and all the slutty stuff that goes on in the media and the intense disrespect it shows toward women and the human mind in general, but I will be excommunicated from my church if I let this stuff into my home. My husband seems to accept it all as perfectly normal fare and has no concept of "morals". He thinks morals are something people with hangups fabricate. He watches anything and has quite a collection of hard core magazines and XXX movies. I've noticed that he likes only intercourse and showing affection is really difficult for him. I have read that this is normal for men who are addicted to porn. I have no problem with sex between partners but porn and explicit sex in some movies is really offensive to me. Please address this subject. I am older and was prepared to give and take on just about anything but this seems impossible. Is it? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>