Blended families *do* present some special problems and considerations, and for those reasons, regrettably, have the highest failure rate of all marriages. However, that is not to say that the problem you have cannot be addressed. <P>Obviously, there are real differences between your oldest son and your new husband. Reading between the lines a little, I suspect that there are some differences in your parenting styles and expectations. I've been in a similar situation with an ex girlfriend who is still a friend, and I am still involved with her two boys, but at the time she was unable to resolve or form a successful parenting style and unwilling to work with a counselor on her family issues. <BR>It is very typical that the oldest child will have the biggest issues around the divorce and remarriage, including his own security in his relationship with his both his parents. You don't mention the involvement of their original father; in many cases, when the original father is not involved, it can be even worse, because higher expectations and demands are placed on the mother. A common tendency is to try to avoid conflict over smaller things, but then kids have a habit of escalating until they find out where the boundaries really are. Your boundaries for what you tolerate are different than your new husbands, and in the child's mind, and possibly to some extent your mind, your husband's expectations or desires for behavior are not being honored or validated- though they may be reasonable in other contexts. <BR>No matter how well intentioned I might be, there is no way I can give you enough or the right advice to give you a real chance at addressing your families problems. In my opinion, a professional counselor of some kind, specializing in family issues, is your best resort. Of course, there are also books available that address blended family issues, and I'd heartily suggest you browse a local book store or one of the larger chains (Borders, Barnes and Noble), and see what you can pick up. I've read a few good titles in that area, but it was several years ago and I don't recall the titles and authors now. <BR>The principles on this site and the Harley's books may also be of interest to you; issues over your children will generate friction, and the Harley's books will help you make the rest of your marriage stronger and more fulfilling. <P>Good luck, and let us know what happens. <P>Regards,<P>jon
