My wife cheated and lied after 2 children and 14 years. I spent the day with her recently and am now not sure I want her. Sure she says she is working on it but the fact remains she is impossing conditions. I on the other hand am working on my faults from the marriage which represent better than 50% of the problems, (not cheating) Now she wants all of the freedoms she needs and I am left with her infidelity. This is the wrong time for her to ask for anything. It is not my fault she screwed around. At least when we argued we had our clothes on. I dont know if I can give at all anymore based on what she did. I pray to God for my love but am finding the cost to high for me. Feedback will be appreciated.

You are correct that she has no right to<BR>impose conditions since she was the one that<BR>was unfaithful. What does it mean when she <BR>says she wants more freedom. Does it mean more freedom to meet other men? She should be<BR>trying to get you to forgive her and not<BR>impose conditions on you. It should be just<BR>the reverse. Good Luck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bryanp:<BR><B>You are correct that she has no right to<BR>impose conditions since she was the one that<BR>was unfaithful. What does it mean when she <BR>says she wants more freedom. Does it mean more freedom to meet other men? She should be<BR>trying to get you to forgive her and not<BR>impose conditions on you. It should be just<BR>the reverse. Good Luck</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Bernie,<BR>I would swear this message was from me. Married 11 years, two children and a wife that has cheated on me and is now setting conditions.<BR>She originally cheated on me 10 years ago. I tried very hard to let it go but it has always been with me.<BR>Recently we have had some problems that need a serious looking at, but I found out that she has been kissing another man.<BR>When I confronted her with this, she said she needed the emotional support. She wouldn't kiss him anymore, but still felt it her right to hug whoever she wanted, man or woman.<BR>I want very much for our marriage to work out for myself as much as for the kids. <BR>Now I'm asking myself if this is really worth it. After 10 years, I still feel the hurt and she shows no signs of remorse over kissing another man.<P>Do I still want her? I'm with you bernie. I'm just no longer sure but I am positive I feel for you.

Dear bernie:<P>"I dont know if I can give at all anymore based on what she did. I pray to God for my love but am finding the cost to high for me."<P>Sympathy. Have you read about the Love Bank theory that Harley holds? Check it out. <P>One of the consequences of cheating is that you drain your spouse's Love Bank. Sometimes it can go too far in the red. I agree with Brianp.<P>I'm glad that EricC posted to you too. The Boards are so wonderful because we stop thinking we are the ONLY ones with the same problem. <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Bellevue,<BR>Amen to that!

bernie:<BR>Please take a breath!!! There are TWO people in this marriage.....the love bank is empty - maybe on both sides!! For your wife to turn to another man, her needs maybe were being overlooked as the wife? I AM NOT CONDONING WHAT SHE did...I am a WS and full of remorse but tried to work differences out before my brief A. The pain just compounds, and the affiar wasnt an answer, but husband should try to do little self examination too....sorry...that's my input.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Scuba2:<BR>[B]bernie:<BR>Please take a breath!!! There are TWO people in this marriage.....the love bank is empty - maybe on both sides!! For your wife to turn to another man, her needs maybe were being overlooked as the wife? I AM NOT CONDONING WHAT SHE did...I am a WS and full of remorse but tried to work differences out before my brief A. The pain just compounds, and the affiar wasnt an answer, but husband should try to do little self examination too....sorry...that's my input.<P>Bernie - my response sounds very cold. It will take patience on both parts, but she should be willing to be open with you and you with her about your anger and fears. And dont be doing "LB" (lovebusters)(Harley). That will hurt more. The conditions come from anger - ask her why she is so angry at you - she was the unfaithful one. Be prepared to hear everythings that she thinks is wrong and just listen until your time to talk. I wish my husband would have cared enough to ask me....<P>