Hi Dr. Harvey, me and my husband have been married for 1 yr, and it has been a year full of arguing back and forth. My husband has some insecurity and jealousy problems before we were married but for some reason i just somehow assumed that once we we married and because we loved each other, they would go away, but not true, these problems became worse. I have a child from someone else and it seems like my husband can't get past the idea that her father is and will always be a part of her life. When her father comes to pick her up for their visit my husband flat out throws him in my face "your past is here every sunday" this hurts alot, not to mention that this usually ends up into a heated argument. He says he feels threatened by her father and i reassure him that there is no reason form him to..the jealousy problems range from not trusting in where i go, to what i'm doing at work, to whom i'm talking with on the phone, all this arguing has taken a toll on both of us, in these arguments he has grabbed me and pushed me, called me horrible names and has even done this is front of my daughter even though she is two, she knows something is wrong. It is so hard, he is constantly accusing me of seeing someone else or doing something behind his back which isn't true, the last fight we had was bad, my daughter got scared when he screamed and came in front of my face, this was what i felt was the last straw, that day i packed my things and left our home. Since then we have seperated, i now live in my own place and we talk on the phone and see each other maybe once or twice a week but he doesn't like this much, he is seeing a counselor for his problems but he insists that i make up my mind on what i want and either return home or go our seperate ways, i am so confused, i am afraid of going and things not changing, i have asked him to give me some time and to continue with seeing the counselor because i don't feel comfortable returning home with my daughter, he doesn't understand how i feel, and how much pain i now have inside of me, when we are together i feel very distant from him, i sometimes wonder if my love for him is diminishing because of everything he put me through....i don't know what to do? what are your suggenstions because i just feel like nothing will ever be the same between us, need your advice....He is pressing me for an answer about me going back home and i truly think that i can't go back home, at least not now. please help dr. harvey. Thanks.

Hi again,<BR>we have posted eachother before about our jelous husbands. I am so sorry for what your going through, I do think you did the right thing..at least it put him into some counseling.I wish I would have the guts to do that. That is alot for him to ask if you want to go home or go seperate b/c he has to change alot. Be strong and I think that it is unfair of him to ask you to make that decision at this point.Now that you have moved out it is your opportunity to make sure things change before you go back.<BR>I just wish there was a way to get through to them, I mean jelousy is such a waste of time. It is so hurtful to be accused when you have done nothing! Just try and stay strong and stand your ground. I just wish I had more guts, and my H didn't have his way of always turning it around to be my fault somehow. Seems like I've been in a jelous relationship for so long now that i wonder what it would be like being with someone who truly believed in you.<BR>I'll be thinking of you, hope everything gets better for you.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by fed up:<BR><B>Hi again,<BR>we have posted eachother before about our jelous husbands. I am so sorry for what your going through, I do think you did the right thing..at least it put him into some counseling.I wish I would have the guts to do that. That is alot for him to ask if you want to go home or go seperate b/c he has to change alot. Be strong and I think that it is unfair of him to ask you to make that decision at this point.Now that you have moved out it is your opportunity to make sure things change before you go back.<BR>I just wish there was a way to get through to them, I mean jelousy is such a waste of time. It is so hurtful to be accused when you have done nothing! Just try and stay strong and stand your ground. I just wish I had more guts, and my H didn't have his way of always turning it around to be my fault somehow. Seems like I've been in a jelous relationship for so long now that i wonder what it would be like being with someone who truly believed in you.<BR>I'll be thinking of you, hope everything gets better for you.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lynn14:<BR><B> </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>thanks for answering me fedup, you are right about him not pressuring me to go back home at this time, i do need to be strong and take one day at time with him, that's what he said he's doing, this is what the counselor told him to do. I do have to admit that lately while talking on the phone with him, we usually get into an argument most all the time, but lately that has not happened. As you said, and you are right, I need to make sure that things have definitely changed and that his counseling has helped him before i decide to go back home, we talk on the phone daily but this weekend we are planning to spend saturday together, I'm not sure what will happen, however, i am anxious to see him, i do love my husband in spite of all the hurt he has caused me, i just hope i don't get let down this saturday, i mean i hope we spend a good day together and put our differences aside for the day, i'm not sure if we can do that, but i guess we are both willing to try for now. He is putting out the effort to go to counseling, he has went to 3 sessions, and will also go to an anger management class, does anybody have any input on the anger management classes? have they actually helped someone? any info would be very appreciative. Thanks.