Recently, my husband and I have been having some problems within our marriage. He seems to have a complete disregard for my feelings when it comes to things that are important to me. He stays out so late after work, he drinks now more than he ever has, and the porn is getting worse. <BR>I can deal with the porn more than I can deal with the staying out late and drinking. When I express concern regarding his lateness, he just says that he needs his space. <BR>He feels now that I am trying too hard to save us. I give him massages, baths, and so on. He said that if it doesnt come easy then we'll let it go? <BR>Help!

I did the sae thing to my wife. I'm sorry. God grabbed my heart after I left her and now I don't know what will happen to our marriage (although, by faith, I believe God will heal our marriage). I want you to get a book called "Boundaries" by Townsen and Cloud. Get it at the Christian book store. It will transform this whole situation. Do not delay!!! please write back and let me know what happens. Boundaries will save your relationship. Ted TGattino@aol.com

TGattino, <BR>Thanks for your response. My H and I arent very religious... Maybe the book would help if he were responsive to fixing our situation. <BR>He now wants to be friends. No sex, no nothing, just friends who live together. I feel like he has set some invisible lines up that I'm not supposed to cross without getting in trouble. <BR>He announces, lets be friends in a letter. We were intimate the same night. The next morning, he says, "what are we doing having sex?? friends dont do that" So poof, gone!<BR>Dont get me wrong, SF isnt one of my top ENs, so that isnt a problem, I just feel as if I am falling into unknown landmines here.<BR>I'm afraid that next he'll say, "friends dont say I love you and friends dont kiss, either". I dont want to go into withdrawal from this lack of feeling. What should I do?I just want to make a list of things and ask 'are you comfortable with'<BR>*hugging<BR>*kissing<BR>*saying i love you<BR>*holding hands<BR>*any type of intimacy<BR>Something like that... I dont want to do something and have him say, "hey, that felt like a mistake."<BR>We have been married for almost 7 years now and now he wants to be friends. Is there hope???<BR>Thanks as always, <BR>Roberta<BR>

I am almost in the same situation but I think I have almost figured it out. Just let him do what he has to do. It's not that he don't love you but maybe he is just having problema within himself. Just be as supportive as you can and maybe he will open up to you and let you know what he is feeling. My husband will stay out late and drink more when he thinks he is not doing his job as the man of the house and that is when I start telling him what a great job he is doing and what a great husband he is and stuff like that. Try it anyway. I hope it works. <BR>My Sympothy,<BR>stillluvhim<P>------------------<BR>stillinlove