Myohmy<BR>Oh my god, that description describes him to a "T" with the emotional closeness, the feeling like prying, me feeling shut out. Him with very few friends, me with a lot of friends. Its all too true. I do see how this causes a lot of problems when conflicts arise. I am thinking I should get this book. <BR>We had a huge fight this morning, and I am at work right now, just trying to fight back the tears. He woke up angry, got mad over something so stupid … a saucer that I left beside the kitchen sink that had a spoon full of spaghetti leftover on it. I had full intentions of cleaning it off this morning as well as putting other things away before I left for work…but he got all mad.(He is off work for the winter right now and is the one staying home) He just does not see his anger, he tells me he wasn't yelling when you could here him down the street! I don't know how to make him see his level of anger. I made the initial mistake of firing back. I went up to him before I left and told him that lets stop this, and that all this anger and us fighting is pushing me away, I can't live like this. He started in again, I then walked away, he tells me "your only walking away b/c you know your wrong" I told him then "I'm walking away b/c I have 10 min to get to work and I don't want to fight with you, especially with the kids here" <BR>This is one of the biggest reasons I went into withdrawl from him, is his anger and man he is pushing me back there. I just wish he could see the level of anger in him. I even phoned him from work before he left to go skiing and apologized and said "I'll try and pick up more,please lets not fight like this, its so bad for us" He went off again, I ended up hanging up, which I never do. One thing that really irks me is starting today, our youngest is in daycare full time so now he has every day this month before going back to work to himself. I have worked full-time for the last 4 years, with 3 weeks off a year! He works 6 1/2 months a year and gets to ski all winter ( he goes 3 times a week and at least once on the weekend)! He does not seem to appreciate that I work my butt off, bring in the majority of the money while he is off skiing and enjoying himself and then he has the nerve to be getting so damn angry with me over stupid little things like me leaving a plate out or not hanging up some of my clothes. I am exauhsted when I come home, and any spare time I have I like to spend with my kids. I do a lot of housework as well, which he just does not see obviously. I have the stress of dealing with all the bills and all the money matters, I even get the kids ready in the morning for school even though he is the one staying at home, and he sits and gets angry at me over not being a clean freak I am sorry for venting , I really needed to get this out though.<P>As for you, I hope things are improving. One thing I think you need to remember is that since your wife went into withdrawl she may seem very selfish. I know when I was in withdrawl I just felt that I have to care about "ME" right now and that I am what is most important right now. Its almost like I became a totally independent person caring only how things are going to affect me. One thing that totally shut down is sex. I did not have the desire anymore as I had shut off my emotions. When I started coming out of withdrawl I desperately wanted to be my H "best friend" , to have our sexual encounters to be more emotional than physical. I don't know if this is making any sense to you, but just be patient, and don't give up holding out your hand. Keep showing her little things, go out and be a friend first to her before you get back to being close again. She put up these walls to protect her from getting hurt and she has to be confident to take that leap again before she lets those walls down again. <BR>Thanks so much for keeping your posts up with me, it does help alot!<BR>Hope you have a great day!<BR>

Fed Up,<P>You can vent anytime!!!! Better to do it here than there! Hang in there. I know it's tough. I just had a blowup also. It's funny that when there are no problems nothing is ever wrong, when there are problems even the smallest thing can blow up into a huge arguement. I hate it!!! It's like allright can't we stop this right now. Back to our senses and lets act like adults! <P>Oh well, I am the type that lives and learns. As for your personality type being the same as mine, I know how you feel about cleaning up. I didn't ever feel like it. I always thought I will get to it later. I always wanted though a clean house and desired it, but did nothing to achieve it. I finally just started to do it. One room at a time. Now it's just a habit. Don't try to do it all at once. We ENFP's like to procrastinate and also like to start one project and not finish it till later. Take one project and put yourself into all of it. Once finished it really adds to your self esteem. Just don't point it out to hubby. In fact don't expect him to notice. If he does it justs adds to your own kudos. <P>Has he ever wanted to do the finances? If he does let him. Have him understand why you get stressed. I did them for years until I asked my wife if she would like to. She jumped at it. Try to not fire back when arguing. I do it all the time and am usually wrong or feel wrong about it. Just say no! Bight your lip and ignore it. It's really tough especially to give advice and not do it myself. I know I have to but am that put foot into mouth first! I want to be heard and most of the time be right. <P>"One thing I think you need to remember is that since your wife went into withdrawl she may seem very selfish. I know when I was in withdrawl I just felt that I have to care about "ME" right now and that I am what is most important right now. Its almost like I became a totally independent person caring only how things are going to affect me. One thing that totally shut down is sex. I did not have the desire anymore as I had shut off my emotions." Boy did you hit the nail on the head. I feel like she is doing this to a T. She even tells me she is, tells me she knows she is wrong but doesn't know how to get out of it. I know it will take time. It just hurts knowing how she feels and that her feeling is towards me. It sucks! Well, I have to be really patient and again. I do it for 2-3 days and then boom, must be heard!! I will try to send some more info later on the personality things. Let me know what you think.

Hi again,<BR>I think you have to try not to be too hurt at her feelings right now. She is probably holding onto some anger right now and it will just take time, which is a very hard thing for people with our personalities I know. Try to concentrate on being friends like you were when you first met, that is so important. She is probably still hurting alot inside and has shut it in and can't let that out yet. Keep hangin in there.<BR>Thanks for the advice, I AM a procrastinator and I do like to start too many things at once and I know this drives him insane but man I wish he just take a pill! I mean there are so many other things that you should be worrying about instead of stupid little things. <BR>He never wants to do the finances and I have had several conversations about this but he makes no initiative to become involved. I am so tempted to dump it on him, but I don't want to end up in trouble with our bills. <BR>I am going to try very hard to bite my lip, which lately is very hard to do especially when he says things that are so off base, well we'll see what happens. Good luck with you tonight.<BR>

Hey there Fed Up,<P>How are you doing?? I'm not doing real good. I had a pretty bad weekend. I am comparing myself quite a bit to the scum she had an EA/PA with. Pretty low self esteem time right now. I am holding quite abit of resentment and anger towards my wife. I really can't stand this stage. I blew up at her last night over nothing. I feel like a shmuck! I don't know if in her state of mind, if I should explain how I am feeling inside (I don't want her to think I'm begging or pleading) and that I am feeling big time resentment or anger. I feel like it is close at times and opposite ends the other. She has been a whole lot nicer than she has been in the past. I hate not being able to hold her, kiss her, show her affection, tell her what she means to me, tell her everything will be ok and so on. I miss that soooo much. I feel like the rug was yanked out from underneath me and my head hit full force. I feel lost inside right now. Sorry - venting there. I know what needs to be done, I just would like to see some progress. Maybe I am not looking outside the box. She kisses me in the am and pm, says I love you when we leave, will hold my hand if I want to (not for long), will snuggle at night, takes care of me during the day, makes lunch for me and always asks if I need anything. God help me though if I try to be romantic, mushy gushy, or intimate. I don't know if it is because of the EA/PA or because she is waiting for this bolt of lightning to hit her square in the head! She is extremely smart and has been an incredible student in the past. Now the info is in front of her and she is waiting for this "magical feeling" to happen. It's not logical for her to act like this. This is what is so frustrating. Wow, I guess I just read the above. My wife does realy do quite a bit! Maybe I should just shut up now. I just want to yank her out of withdrawal quickly!<P>Well, as far as your procrastination, I know how it is!!! I finally had to sit down and do a brain dump. Write down everything that needs, or could be done. ONLY do one thing at a time until it is finished. I am still working on this. Do though have a small corner of your room or outside that is yours. Your "junk" pile. Your need your own area that you can "mess" up. Mine is at work. I cleaned up my piles at home and threw things away. I figured if I hadn't seen or didn't know what they were from a year ago, I sure didn't need them. One thing I didn't realize that my wife also does not to this day realize that small things to you or us, are huge things to others. I remember the times I would say - lighten up on the housework, that is all you do. It was huge for her. Later I found out she hated my piles and unfinished projects. Remember no LBing! It's easy! As far as the finances go I don't know if I would give him them. I would ask though to include him. Maybe sit him down when your are figuring out your budget so he is included and understands money doesn't grow on trees.(skiing)<P>Well, let me know how your week was. I dropped off for a bit. Any trust issues, jealousy issues? Let me know what you think about the withdrawal and the hints???

Myohmy<BR>I'm sorry to hear that you had such a bad weekend.<BR>I have a question, you say you can't hold her or show her affection and tell her what she means to you, does she push you away when you go up to her? Sounds like she is coming back to you by the things she is doing, its just going to take time. Try to look at the little things instead of the whole picture, take it a day at a time. Have you talked to her about you holding onto your anger and resentment at all? I'm sure she can feel that from you, that may be something thats holding her back from coming out...I don't know...I'm not saying to blow up and let that anger out, but to calmly maybe say something about it. You have to make a point of going out, just the two of you...you have to make time. You should try to thank her and tell her how much you appreciate the things she has been doing (the little things). You can't expect a really quick change...please try to be patient. <BR>As for me, things are going alot better. Its like we go through these cycles, right now its in the good stage, we also haven't gone anywhere where the jelousy thing can happen. I'll just wait for the next blow up, hopefully it won't be for a while. <BR>Well hope things improve, and vent here all you want...its good for you! <BR>

Hi Fed Up,<P>Well, actually I don't really try to hold her too close. I haven't hugged her for some time. She gets kinda stiff. Her kisses are genuine but are not that mushy gushy get into type kiss. She doesn't push me away or look away. She will say I'm not ready for that "yet". That is that future tone in her voice and comments. I just don't want ot overdo it. It becomes a LB. We talked the other day about how angry and resentful I had become. Needless to say those couple of days again turned into arguments. I asked her why we want to keep arguing. She didn't answer and I didn't have one either. She tells me that doing that exhausts her and when she is exhausted she doesn't want to work on anything. I also think I have been pushing so much for me. I told her that when she is ready I will be here for her. These last couple of days I had to really look inside myself and ask what I wanted. <P>I want her and us. It is not worth the resentment and anger I have. It's gone or locked away. I will focus on her completely and in changing me. I don't want to come across anymore of being controlling, resentful, angry or selfish. <BR>I told her that I won't push. When she is ready, she is ready. I have issues I need to work on myself. Losing her and us is not worth all this. I have not been doing my best and have been snowing me. I don't like it and won't do it anymore. I want this to work!<P>I hope we can go out more. We will keep trying. Our daughter asked us the other day what we used to do when we dated and were first married. Both of us got a chuckle remembering what we used to do and that we no longer do it. Maybe a little hint to both of us. I don't tell her enough how much I appreciate her and what she does for me and us. I will though. And yes I will be patient. I will come here to vent. I hope you don't mind and hope you don't mind me bouncing ideas off you?<P>I am glad to here that things are going good for you. Wouldn't it be nice to capture it and ride it out longer? Does he enjoy it when it is like this? How is your projects going? Doing one by one? I am still working on my house list. One room at a time! Have you surprised him with a romantic dinner at home or out lately? Well, I did promise you that I would send more info and this weekend I will. Have a great day! <BR>

myohmy<BR>Sorry for taking so long to respond, haven't been able to get to the computer. Sounds like its been a stressful time for you. Are you able to forgive your wife, and have you? Come vent anytime, its a good thing. I know its probably very hard to hold back and not want to smother her. Has she been the type to be overly affectionate in your relationship in the past? I wish I had more advice for you, but I think you are on the right track, it just takes time.<BR>As for me, of course something else has come up, you won't believe it!! I got chosen to go on a 3 day school field trip as a supervisor, with about 6 other parents. Two of them are the two friends that my Husband has accused me of having an affair with! He hasn't said anything yet but I know its bothering him, he started to get in a really bad mood and has started to act as he does when he starts getting jelous. I'll tell you..if he says anything I will feel like I am going to blow up! I want so bad to say something but I know it will be a LB and he will become very defensive and it will result in an argument which somehow he will turn it around and make it my fault. So I'm just patiently waiting for a blow up from him right now. I guess this will be a definate test! <BR>Well I have to get back to work, I hope things are improving for you. <BR>

Hello Fed Up,<P>Sorry about not writing here for a bit. Things have been ok at the homestead. Not great, but ok. After my last posting that week was a horrible week. I got caught up into something all week. I backed off and listened to her and really heard what she was saying and vowed on Saturday night that I wouldn't or at least do my very best not to act like that again. I wrote her a letter and it went from there. The last three days have been a whole lot better! We get through the day without fighting but at night have a quick squabble. It quickly goes away and we apologize to each other for treating each other that way. She hasn't truly apologized for treating me a certain way for months. It's been nice. I have been noticing more of the pain I've been. I just don't shut up or don't drop the subject. It gets to a point of major irritation for her. That's when we start pushing each others buttons. We at least recognize it now. Much better! She blew up at me for a first last night. Maybe she is coming out of the withdrawal arena.? I looked at her and said do you see yourself getting upset over this issue. I asked her a very simple question about her being tired - whew?!! So of course my buttons got pushed - we both apologized right away. Thank goodness! Well, she seems happier than last week. I've been letting go alot more and not making big issues.<P>As far as forgiveness - I don't know. I feel almost caged by it. I want to forgive her so bad. I am looking for that I am soooooo sorry speech from her. We were watching a movie the other day and the guy had an affair and his apology was: I am soooo sorry for what I have done to you, if you forgive me I will spend the rest of my life showing you that you are not wrong in taking me back (something pretty close). That is I guess is what I am looking for. I don't really know if I will get it. I do know that I may have to let that go and deal with it. I need to forgive her or I will never be forgiven myself so I need to do this. It eats me up. That is where alot of my anger and resentfullness is. I compare myself to this guy and it realy makes me feel like crapola! This guy is scum from the word go! I don't bring that up to her though. I always ask myself what the heck does this guy give you that you couldn't get from me (just ask)! This guy makes me sick! He preyed on her which makes me more angry and so on. Well, there I vented a bit! I just hate comparing! I wish she would say that there is no comparison by herself without my asking. I know deep down there is no comparison but right now it hurts quite a bit! I will forgive her truly. I just need time to do that. I have trust issues right now that I am trying to get over. I wish she could just see that by her helping, by showing, by talking I could quit this insanity. She does help more now though. It is better. I have really had to trust God and let it go, leave it in His hands! I have never really had to do this so it is new to me. <P>I have been trying so hard to not smother her. She did say that when I am being irritating or confusing that she wants nothing to do with me being affectionate. Especially when we argue. When we don't she is soooo much better. Me too! So right now I am focusing also on backing off not smothering her on affection and my needs and to quit the fighting and letting go of little things!<P>She used to be more affectionate in the past (when we were first married to about 5-7 years) after that she was but told me that she was "faking" it. That is when she started to lose feelings. I don't understand this. If she was faking (which she was EXTREMELY happy - I on the other hand love busted quite a bit) why did she seem so happy - you could see it in her eyes!!!! I stopped trying to figure this one out. I have almost asked her to start faking it again since her and everyone else was so much happier. Haven't done that yet though!<P>How was the field trip? Any issues with the hubby? How has it been going?? Remember to not get drawn into his fight. I know it is easier said than done! Any other problems going on? How has the week gone? Let me know! Thanks for listening. You just listening has been a huge help! Also you have been in withdrawal and it helps me see it through her eyes at times! Thank you for everything! I only hope I can give you advice the best I can! Thanks again for letting me do some venting. I'm not as upset though which is good. I want the long term not the short term! <P>

myohmy<BR>Its good to hear from you again, I have been thinking of you! Sounds like your conflicts are similar to mine at times, I too have trouble dropping things...sometimes its b/c I don't get an answer that I am satisfied with from him, but I know it does irritate him alot when I don't drop the subject. I think the hardest thing is he can't make up after a conflict, he is unnafectionate until the next day and I'm the type that wants so badly to hug and make up right then and there, is she like that at all?<BR>Does sound like you are making progress though. As for the apology...sounds like she may still feel that you played a part in pushing her into an affair, I know its not an excuse but maybe thats why you are not getting an apology. Have you tried telling her that you accept some of the blame for this happening at all? That must be so hard not hearing an apology from her, maybe in time. One thing for sure though, you are going to have to find a way to be at peace with it, otherwise it will just keep creeping back in and cause conflict. One thing your going to have to stop is comparing..I am sure he IS scum, that can be a tough one to deal with. I don't know if I would believe that it was all faking before, maybe she is saying this b/c she is still in withdrawl or angry with you, withdrawl makes you second guess everything. Maybe she remembers the hurtful times more than the good ones right now b/c she is still in withdrawl. When I was in withdrawl I even looked at the good times in a negative way. I think your right to give up on figuring that one out, it really doesn't make much sense. But she must still have love for you if she is still here trying. Give it time...<BR>I hope things keep improving. Have you guys tried to get out on any dates? <BR>Well the field trip isn't until next month, so we'll see how that goes. My H took my kids to visit family for the week...and I am loving it! I really needed time to be by myself and it really is wonderful, only bad side of it is that he went to see his mother and he always gets into such a bad mood when he is around her so I hope he gets out of it by the time he gets home. We did have a little tiff over the phone though, he went and withdrew a large sum of money without telling me and almost made some cheques go nsf...I could of killed him!!! He can be so irresponsible at times, I got over it though, good thing he IS out of town otherwise I know it would of been a fight.<BR>Thanks to you for listening as well, it really helps to have someone to talk too. <BR>Keep in touch, and come vent to me anytime!!

Hi Fed Up,<P>How are you? So, so on my end. I was thinking how you've been. Yes, my conflicts are pretty darn close to yours. I do have a terrible time dropping issues. I want things fixed yesterday not in a month. It is so frustrating and hurtful to not have her hug, kiss, hold hands, touch my shoulder and so on. Some type of affection. I seem to screw up constantly! We will go 2-3 days with no LB's and then boom, there goes my big mouth! Had to bring up a relationship question or the EA/PA. I find it so hard to not compare! It hurts deeply! I know the type of person I am and how good I am and to hear her say that she will apologize some day or will tell me that there is no comparison in the world would mean so much when I feel down. Just some type of a booster shot! But to no avail! She does not make up at all now. Used to but not now. We both apologize when we do things wrong to each other and notice it was wrong or hurtful. I only have so many apologies left. I have to show her not apologize! I hope she knows they are sincere.<P>I know what I didn't do for her especially listening, oh heck I got a huge list! I always thought I was doing well. The top of my list was jealousy/trust for her. Not good - I guess that is why I can't believe what your husband puts you through. It's funny that I have not as many problems that I have had in the past. I would mostly make comments about times, where she went, who was there and so on. It got really out of hand! I hate myself for doing that and showing her that I didn't trust her. What I wouldn't give to go back. I tell her that I know what I need to work on and that I will and have done some (I don't show it by telling her, I just do it) Her frustration is now that I am doing what she always wanted, she is too emotionally exhausted to deal with doing her part in the us equation. Boom, just one day and she got tired of it. She tells me that over the years she has faked it (her affections, SF and so on). I know deep down that she didn't but she does bring up that I don't know what she is talking about. I usually shut up by that time because it hurts so much to hear her say she faked it. I know better though. Her eyes, her smile, her laughter, her walk, everything about her was real and genuine. I just didn't hold up my end of the bargain when she did want to work on us. I know she is still angry, resentful almost vengeful. She tells me all the time, I put up with you for so long why can't you give me space and time for my turn. <P>I know I have to be patient and maybe that is what God is trying to teach me. I don't have a lot of it and this may be the only way I will get it. I am getting better but not long enough. She lets me in just a bit and then insert foot! She does second guess everything - even when we do have really good days and of course I bring that up. Look hon, we went three days without arguing. She says whooppee 3 whole days. At that time I saw her point. But it was a start. I don't know if I ever mentioned that she works a graveyard shift and gets almost NO sleep. Maybe 3 hours a day or 4 on a good day. Her job started a couple of years ago and this is when it really blew up. She just says that I don't like her voicing her opionion or the "new" her. Not at all. For years I begged her to talk to me or share with me. Then when she does it's this. I know she will have to stop at night to have this eventually work out. It's coming up with a job on my end that will make up her salary. Not a lot of options! I think she is in deeper in withdrawal. We try to go out on dates but tells me she is afraid or not safe with me. Now this is not abusive safe but affection safe or not arguing/fighting. She always believed (where she got this I don't get!) that when we go out there always had to have some SF added or I would blow up. Not true - of course I would be disappointed (not kids in the house) By the way 4 kids! She should be tired and exhausted. Huge uphill run for me. I can do it! I just want to have a chance to show her. Hard not to think of myself as a shmuck! What an idiot I have been! Just to have her hold me again and look at me with those incredible eyes!!!!! Yes, I am a romantic! I just want to hug her and say enough already. I can't just yet. She does always say I don't want to do that just yet. or not yet. Give me time. Couldn't make that more clearer for me huh? It takes me a while to have it sink in.<P>Sooooo, back to you. How was the field trip??? Not gone yet? Any idea what made him upset with you? I hope your week off from all was good! I don't blame you being upset with the money thing. Not good! He needs to know not to or to ask. He needs to know what the finances are so he doesn't do that. Does he know at all? I hope that you don't have problems with the Mother in law. Does he grill you what you did for the week he was gone? Well, I hope everything is all well with you but let me know! <P>Sorry this is so long. Just haven't replied for a while. Sorry! Thanks for listening! Any insight on what I do right or wrong please let me know. Any insight also on this withdrawal thing helps also and gives me a bit of a boost knowing what you went through and that you came out. It does help to talk to you! All right, now I'm exhausted! Thanks again and hope to hear from you soon.<P><p>[This message has been edited by myohmy (edited March 29, 2001).]

Sorry for taking so long to respond, haven't been able to get on the computer. Sounds so frustrating for you. I wish there was a way to speed everything up and repair everything but unfortunately I think it takes alot of time. Remember after coming out of withdrawl the next stage is conflict, so there may be alot of flare ups before getting to being close again. Its emotionally draining though and I hope things get better. It must be especially difficult with you both working and at differnt hours. That sounds like she has major sleep deprivation too, I could not function on that little sleep. Does she ever get a chance to catch up on it? <P>Try and do things day by day, it doesn't seem so hard if you do it that way I think.Have you guys gone to couselling ever? I haven't tried that myself but have thought about it alot, its just taking that step to actually do it. I know its hard to find the time, the money and the way for to go out alone on dates but I think it is so important that you do, especially right now. Have you tried to tell her before you go out that you are not expecting any Sex at the end of the date to take some of the pressure off of her? I wish I could help you out more, just don't give up, keep trying and try to do some things for yourself too, to make yourself happy. Because like they always say, if you aren't happy with yourself than nobody can be happy WITH you. <P>We are doing pretty good right now, my H is back to work full time again, so I am predicting some more conflicts arising as its just alot of more added stress. Hopefully we will handle them better. The trip in about a week, so we'll see how that goes, he hasn't said anything else lately about it.. so hopefully it won't cause a problem (crossing my fingers)<BR>Well I'll try to reply quicker to you, keep in touch and take it day by day. <P><p>[This message has been edited by fed up (edited April 04, 2001).]

Hello Fed Up,<P>How are you? I am wondering that in all this arguments and fights maybe we weren't in conflict at times. Our last flare up was maybe my 2X4. I asked her if we could ever get along again. She replied that she thought so, but not right now. She saw it increasing and said that we can not fix anything until these fights stop! That day maybe spooked me. That was I think last Wednesday. We haven't fought since! I sat there and thought about what she said. Our children asked why we argue so much now and that we never used to. Family and friends have made the same comment. They were right! That day I no longer felt a need to argue or fight. We had a couple of oops but nothing whatsoever close to what we are doing before.<P>One of the things I started was my on progress of my love bank for her. I put pennies or a penny a day into it when I do no LB and we just have good days. I'm up to about 7-8 pennies - whooppee!! Sadly I look at my little tin with these pennies and see how I got myself into this by all the LBing and such. I wanted to change badly and just did it. I have been giving up my worries and trusting blindly in God. I know it helps! I got tired of being a hypocrite! We have had a great weekend last weekend and this weekend who knows. The week was wonderful! I am learning to break these habits and know there will be tests involved. I don't want to flunk anymore. I don't read into anything or flare up and not drop the issue anymore. If I catch myself doing something I quickly go do something else or pray for strength. It's been working. I have been noticing a hint more of the quick touches as she walks by, a nicer kiss when we depart (not so closed lip, tight peck), does little things more - who knows? I only hope and pray now. I know it will take time. According to my little bank it will take alot of time. If I LB I take my pennies or penny out and start over. It's really helped me. <P>Yes her sleep has really got her messed up. I try to be at home as much as I can so she can take cat naps or longer naps during the day. Her days off are the same as mine so I let her sleep in as much as she needs to. I will continue to look for another job that would either take over her salary or win the lottery! <P>No we have not gone to counseling. She is a very shy person and does not like talking about problems even to me much less someone else. She has said that right now she doesn't feel like doing anything. She says that she knows she is acting selfish and wants to right now. I believe I really hurt her feelings in the past and has closed those doors when she peeks out. I want her to slowling open those doors again and let her know that it is safe. She has said that she knows what is right and will eventually work on things, I just need to give her time and space right now. So I am learning patience! I have told her that it is safe and that I do not expect anything from her. I always thought I had. I got disappointed in the past but not stark raving mad! I am a pretty low key person when it comes to her. (hasn't been like that lately) I want to get back to it. I am doing things around the house and try to do things with friends, kids and my hobbies to keep me busy and happy. And believe me these are things I haven't done for years.<P>I am glad to hear so far so good with you. You will have to let me know about the trip and how he handled it. I will pray that he trusts you and lets you know it by not saying anything or not getting upset. This could be a huge week for you in that aspect? I hope so! Sounds like it is a little more calm for you. Maybe if he says anything then let him know "listen buster - I love you and our family, I will not do anything to ever jeapordize it, trust me!) and leave it at that. Don't get pulled into any argument. Well, I pray it doesn't get to that. Well, keep in touch and it has been really great since I last responded! Take care.

Hi myohmy<BR>I'm glad to hear from you again. Sounds like there is some progress being made. Keep trying, it will come.<BR>I can see how it could be so draining, especially with kids, different shift jobs, life in general. Is there any way she can get a job with different hours? It would be so nice to win that lottery eh? I know I could use it! I like the idea of the pennies, just keep taking it day by day. Its good that you are doing things for yourself too, that is so important.How about doing family things all together? Do you guys get to do much of that? I am trying to do that right now. <P><BR>We went for a while with no conflicts but should of known it wouldn't last. We had a blow up yesterday and another one today. I was quite upset this morning, just wanted to cry, but now I'm just plain mad. <BR>My H started back at work almost full-time, I knew it would be a hell week, and kind of expected it being the first week that we were both working Well yesterday we got in an argument, he burst into a rage. I was upset over something and quietly and calmly asked him about something . He told me "I can't stand to be around you when you are like this" even though he was the one flying into a rage. He then started to immitate me which is totally childish and I am so tempted to do that to him next time to make him see what it feels like, it is so disrespectful and just plain mean to do that to someone. (He does that to my kids too which really irritates me). So I ended up going up to him and giving him a hug later and we kind of dropped it as he turned it totally on me saying that I should admit this was all my fault. When I came up to him to hug him he asks "are you over this now?" I had to bite my lip from saying "me, who was the one in a rage?"<BR>So this morning we wake up, we even hug eachother, he tells me he is going skiing instead of working, he knows I have to get up early to catch a ride with someone so he can have the car so he can go have his fun to go ski. I go up to him before I leave and say "are you able to pick me up after work b/c if I wait for my friend I'll be waiting for 2 hours after work" He goes into another rage, starts saying "well I'm not going to change everything to suit your plans, blah, blah blah, he sayis I am doing everything here and I might go into work after skiing for a couple of hours. I am making lunch, breakfast for the kids here, I made supper, I have to arrange for a sitter b/c I might go into work after skiing and what the hell are you doing?"<BR>I couldn't believe it, I mean I stayed up the last 2 nights until 11:00 pm cleaning up the house, how quickly is that forgotten and all he is doing is going skiing today, its not like he is working!!! <BR>He does all this yelling in front of the kids, great way to start off a morning, great thing for them to see. My older daughter comes and gives me a hug which totally makes me want to cry b/c they see this. I try to walk away b/c he is yelling so I don't get involved in a yelling match in front of the kids, he yells "turn around and stay here and listen to me, don't you walk away from me!" Meanwhile my 5 yr old is standing there trying to kiss me goodbye listening to all of this, it was so hard to hold my tears back at that moment.. <BR>My god, he is so selfish sometimes, I am getting so sick of it! Of course I expect him to do a little more than I do, my god, he hasn't been working for 4 months! I want to tell him so badly to grow up and get a decent job and start pullin his weight., but I know that would blow up into a HUGE fight. <BR>The other thing that really bothers me is when he gets mad he cuts me down, immitates me, I mean its one thing to be mad at me for something but its another to cut me down, call me names and immitate me. I don't ever do things like that and I know if I did he would freak! I don't know if I ever could do it back to him b/c I can't stoop that low.<BR>Sorry this is so long, but man did I need to vent!!!!!! Its times like this when I think "why the hell am I with him? I don't deserve this and I know that I could do better!" I'll tell ya if he pulls the jelousy thing this next week it will be very hard not to jump all over him.(as you can see I'm a little mad right now). Well I decided I'm going shopping after work, it usually cheers me up.<P>Well I hope things get better for you, keep in touch, thanks for listening to me too,I'll be thinkin of ya. Hope your weekend goes well.<P>

fed up,<BR>Girl I know how you feel...my husband has always been this way and it drives me crazy...most of my friends are men and were before we met...if he didnt like it he shouldnt have married me....that is that....your husband will eventually learn to respect and trust you if he truely does love you....and if he doesnt then he may have to realize what he has lost when you get TRUELY FED UP and the S--- hits the fan!<P>Love for you, and hope things get better....

Hang in there, Take it from someone whom was a very jeolous man, I can honestly say that I never used to be a jeolous man until my first wife of 14 years cheated on me and we ended up in divorce and then I married a couple of years later and the women who is my wife now is 10 years younger than I and she had a lot of male friends and no female friends, I all of a sudden got very jeolous, I started blaming my ex-wife's doings causing this jeolousy, well to get to the point, I almost lost my present wife, I attended counselling and group meetings and I can honestly say that this has helped me a lot, there is still jeolousy there but not like it used to be, maybe your H should seek help in this situation, it worked for me.