I really need some help, I don't know where to turn. Up utill recently I thought I had a perfect marriage, a husband that gives me attention and affection and listens to my needs. Well about 3 months ago he started a new job, that's based on commissions. Its like he got obssesed with the possibility to make a lot of money. He says he needs my support and he feels this job is extremly important to him because he wants to achieve something that he wasn't able to before. Okay I understand that, but he works 13 hours per day with one day off and after work he feels he has to go unwind with his managers and coworkers in a next door bar. HE ends up coming home at 10:45pm or 11:30pm. I've pleaded and cried, he knows I wait for him every night. We are expecting a baby and I am an emotional wreck. We even went to a couselor and he promissed me to change. But a couple of days go by and its the same. I feel like its more important for him to spend time with his coworkers and beer than with me. It makes me feel he doesn't love me, he doesn't think we have a big problem and says I am too demanding, he doesn't do anything wrong. I am so angry and beat up emotionally, I feel like I want to have the freedom to come home when I want to and not sit in the dark house to wait for him. He stopped doing any housework, on his one day off he sleeps most of the day. I have left the house to go to a hotel, I told him I wanted to divorce, nothing works. He even forgets to call me to let me know what's going on. What do I do, do I separate?<BR>Why doesn't anyone answer? I feel all alone. <p>[This message has been edited by Demanding (edited March 28, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Demanding:<BR><B>I really need some help, I don't know where to turn. Up utill recently I thought I had a perfect marriage, a husband that gives me attention and affection and listens to my needs. Well about 3 months ago he started a new job, that's based on commissions. Its like he got obssesed with the possibility to make a lot of money. He says he needs my support and he feels this job is extremly important to him because he wants to achieve something that he wasn't able to before. Okay I understand that, but he works 13 hours per day with one day off and after work he feels he has to go unwind with his managers and coworkers in a next door bar. HE ends up coming home at 10:45pm or 11:30pm. I've pleaded and cried, he knows I wait for him every night. We are expecting a baby and I am an emotional wreck. We even went to a couselor and he promissed me to change. But a couple of days go by and its the same. I feel like its more important for him to spend time with his coworkers and beer than with me. It makes me feel he doesn't love me, he doesn't think we have a big problem and says I am too demanding, he doesn't do anything wrong. I am so angry and beat up emotionally, I feel like I want to have the freedom to come home when I want to and not sit in the dark house to wait for him. He stopped doing any housework, on his one day off he sleeps most of the day. I have left the house to go to a hotel, I told him I wanted to divorce, nothing works. He even forgets to call me to let me know what's going on. What do I do, do I separate?<BR>Why doesn't anyone answer? I feel all alone. <P>[This message has been edited by Demanding (edited March 28, 2001).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I feel so alone, can someone please help with advise? His behavior is really hurting me. He stopped doing the housework and I am so worried about not being able to resolve these issues and afraid it'll get worst. We are expecting a baby in June and he is not being supportive and I don't feel close to him emotionally anymore.<BR>

Sounds like something is missing here. How long have you been married? Is he in fact bringing home more money? Maybe you could join him at the bar to share his experience with his co-workers (If that's all it is) If he refuses your request to join him it probably is an indication of another problem. I'm not good at this kind of advice (Maybe no one is and thats why you've received no response) I would suggest that you take care of yourself and the baby. Stop waiting up for him. Wake his butt up on the day off and put him to work. (If he's going to be gone all the time then he has to contribute when he's there. My W certainly wouldn't let me sleep the day away when there's work to be done) It doesn't sound like he's responding to love and affection so maybe some reverse psycology will work. At the very least it may get him talking. Lock him out of the bedroom. If he has to sleep on the couch every night he might try talking. I don't know. These are probably all the wrong things to do, but maybe it will stimulate some conversation.<P>At the very least, I will keep you in my prayers. Good Luck!<P>------------------<BR>Later,<BR>B

Try posting to the EN board...Lots of good people hang there...We all care. But sometimes you need to get in th right groove. Try the EN bosrd.<BR>d2

demanding:<BR>I have been in your situation. my husband didn't come home until midnight, and on the weekends sometimes not until morning. I pleaded and cried and nagged. It made him not want to come home even more. I ended up finding someone who would listen to me and share opinions with. But i also did it in a revengful manner that baackfired and now my marraige may be over. <BR>In the time when all the drama began with my friend, his best friend(which no intimacy occured ever)my husband went through the worried up all night waiting that we do but for him it was harder. As he searched through my belongings in a jealous suspicious kind of way, he found a journal i kept to keep me from going insane those long nights alone. It described my feelings of neglect, unwantedness, and my search for what was wrong with me that he acted this way. <BR>Then and only then he realized what seemed to be nothing major to him was very damaging to me. He really didn't know what he did by leaving me waiting for hours everyday did.<BR>I come to realize men need time to be with friends and alone. During this week,or month(howeverlong it may last) of "his time" he is not forgetting about us, and he still loves us. What he does id not intentional, just not well thaught out. When the guys are able to fullfill the need for time to himself, they come back looking for love from us. If we interupt the cycle with nagging and so on they are prolonged in how long they stay in that state, or may never come back. I learned the hard way. <BR>The key is communication. Tell him that you know he needs time to unwind on his own, but if he could consider how you may feel, or even what he would want you to do if he was in your shoes. I can bet you will start recieving phone calls informing you that he will be where ever and home soon. <BR>Men are fragile I learned that they can't take a dose of their own medicine. Its too much for them to bear, so if they think in terms of how would i feel if she did this to me, they start to come around.<BR>