I have read many of the adds that have been posted and it is sad and also comforting to know their are others out there who are so in love but still unable to resolve issues.<BR>My situation is very awkward for me and I do not know how to deal with it....I love my husband very much but last year we started to have financial problems and i got my first job in 6 years....we needed it, plus i think i just needed it to get away for awhile. My husband had started to grow distant and acted as though he didnt even want to touch me anymore. He was having problems at school and work, but instead of coming me he went farther away from me. It got worse after i got the job, some nights I would stay after and just chill.....(we have 3 kids also so I really needed to CHILL) one night after i closed i stayed and we drank till 5 in the morning and when I got home he said i was with another man....I pleaded with him and told him i was not but he did not believe me. It went from bad to worse after that...I made the mistake of staying and drinking one other time and of course i was sleeping with someone...For the record I loved and still love my husband with all my heart and soul and i would never break that ring of trust by betraying him. My husband is a very insecure man and has had many problems with women in the past....I try to make him understand that I am not like those others and I would never do to him what they have done, he just wont believe that....we are on the verge of divorce right now but i still believe the love is strong, but I do not know what to do anymore....how do I make him believe that he is the only one I love and want? That he is the only man to ever touch me, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with him?<BR>

((((((inloveandlost)))))))<P>That means hugs for you!<P>I know this will sound like I'm taking "his side", but I don't mean to, I just think it's for the good of the marriage...<P>don't stay out until 5 AM anymore. In fact, don't stay around after work at all, go straight home. Be reliable about letting him know where you are and when you'll be back. I don't mean to imply you're not trustworthy, and I know you need time to relax, as he must too since he's an employee and student and husband and father of three. But you mention he's insecure, and has been cheated on in the past. It will only push him farther away for him to have any reason whatsoever to be suspicious. Show him you are trustworthy, and in time he will forget the hurts of the past.<P>In the meantime, be sure to read Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts; depositing as many Love Units as possible and trying to avoid Love Busters gives the best chance of rebuilding the marriage. In time he will learn to meet your needs as well, but I fear it will be one-sided for a while. Keep posting. I hope this helped.

I have a question for you. What would you think if your husband came home a couple of times at 5am and told you he was just drinking and chilling out. I bet you would be very upset. Many men would feel that their wifes were with someone else if they were told they were out just drinking until 5 in the morning. You said that your husband was insecure then what in God's name were you thinking? The worst part is that you did it again. Are you really sure you did not want to make him jealous? I don't know what to tell you except maybe telling your husband you are willing to go under hypnosis and prove to him that you were not with someone else. Good Luck.

well i do indurstand what everyone is saying about what i did....bu you have to understand that for 4 years i did nothing but eat drink and sleep this man and my kids then one day he just stops talking to me, rolled away from me everynight and yes he did go other places....i found emails from other women asking what time he was picking them up or when they were gonna meet. He never even told these women he was married....he said it was purely friendship and i wouldnt have cared if he would have just told me. The one email I did find that bothered me was thanking him for the wonderful evenin g they had talking the night before in her car. I had faith in him that he was faithful why cant he do the same. We moved to Texas 2 years ago and for a year I had no family, no friends and noone to really talk to about this I made friends finally and i think that bothered him more than me drinking with them after work. Faith and trust isnt a one way street he needs to have it also. Tell me how badly would you want to come right home after work if all you had to look and talk to was the back of the one you loved more than anything in the world? But acted as though you were nothing????? I am not defending what I did by any means but I want people to truely understand before they judge me if ya know what I mean....<P>------------------<BR>InLoveAndLost

I do understand where you're coming from, and tried (though apparently failed) to show I wasn't trying to judge you, only recommend what I thought was best given the state of the marriage. Regardless of who did what, it comes down to this: the marriage is shaky. your husband is suspicious. fair or not, earned or not, if his insecurity is made any stronger, it may push things over the edge and your marriage may be lost. I was only giving the best advice I could to keep that from happening.<P>So, inloveandlost, I hope you will accept my apology for making you feel judged, and also that you will post again, and give us another crack at being helpful.<p>[This message has been edited by younglove (edited April 10, 2001).]

No all is well....I guess i should explain that i didnt even get off work till 3 a.m. anyways, and besides that he knew where i was and what i was doing. He knew he could call me anytime but he chose not to so he would have a reason to accuse me. After the incidents I even told him to call my boss (who is a woman) and ask what time I left their but again he said no....he wanted to cause an issue out of something that wasnt their. I think in his mind he wants to believe that I am like the other women he has known to give him an easy out. The problem is why wait 6 years to do that and kids later????<P>------------------<BR>InLoveAndLost

I read your past two messages and now I understand the picture much more clearly. Your husband clearly is wrong in this situation. I had no idea that you get off at 3am and you get home at 5am. What is the big deal. I agree with you that he was just looking for a fight. The fact that he could call you at any time but didn't is significant. He really sounds quite selfish. I cannot give you any advise except to wish you good luck.

This was almost a year ago and I have quit working since then and stay home now, the only time i go anywhere is on wednesday I have to shoot pool, and I always make sure he knows where I am shooting so he can call me if he wants....<P>------------------<BR>InLoveAndLost

Alrighty then, if he was able to contact you but didn't that changes things entirely, plus it helps to know you were only out for 2 extra hours, not the 7 or 8 I'd assumed (wrongly, sorry!) <P>At this point, I think your best bet is to get the both of you to couples counseling, as soon as possible. He has trust issues that need to be resolved before the two of you can improve much, and hopefully he'll be more receptive to going together than going by himself.<P>Good luck!

All is ok no worries.....I on the other hand must not have any "trust issues" he does whatever and I never know where he is at and no way to contact him....It is a little thing called faith and I have a lot of it. Even after the emails I found on accident from other women. I do love my husband to death but I am not sure I can be like "this" anymore, thanx for listening all......<BR><P>------------------<BR>InLoveAndLost