My husband and I have been married for about 3 years/together for over 5 (we're both in our late 20's). When I met him, he hid some of his credit history from me (yes, it was that bad). I finally found out because he would never open his mail - he was over 15K in debt (most of it from his previous relationship).<P>Over the past 5 years, he's been using credit counseling to pay off some of the debt and slowly it has been going away. My frustration comes from several things...He takes no responsibility with money (and several other things). I pay all the bills otherwise they wouldn't get done. Over time, I've offered him responsibility to pay some of his own bills, but often they are late, not paid at all, etc. and it hurts my credit. I've always been really anal about $$, my credit is what bought our home and two cars. Now I'm stuck because his credit is so bad we can't afford to move to a larger house (which we really need!). In addition, he attempted to start his own business last year and did pretty well, but ended up with @12K in taxes that is owed with no way to pay it back.<P>There are many days that I feel like it would be better if I cut him loose, but we do love each other and we've got a 2 yr. old. I just feel like we will never be out of "his debt" or like I'm paying for his mistakes. I know, I know, you'll say I knew about this etc. when I married him, but after all this time, he's only made a half-[censored] attempt to fix it and I'm tired of being responsible all the time. Help!

KiKidee,<BR>I'm not sure if I'm qualified to respond but here goes:<BR>First, I think it says a lot that your H is willing to let you take over the finances. It shows that he at least realized he needs help.<P>I handle the finances in my marriage, not because my W isn't capable, she's just too busy. (We're a dual career couple) We used to get late notices all the time and it drove me crazy when I knew there was money to pay the bills.<P>Anyway, I also think it's good that your H took on his earlier debts using credit counselors and such. As far as his failed attempt at business goes, the IRS is willing to work out payment plans that will at least keep you above water. They don't want to take anyone to court, they just want their money.<P>I think you need to create a budget to live by. Obviously one of your greatest ENs is FS. I think it would be helpful to concentrate on each others ENs and to reassure your love for each other. Present the budget in such a way as meeting your EN for FS.<P>It's not going to be easy. Living in debt is very frustrating and sometimes depressing. I am suffering somewhat from that due to my W going back to school and piling up some 50K in tuition over 3 years. Now, she has the degree but the tremendous debt hardly seems worth it. <P>But we are budgeting pretty well and love each other tremendously. We also have monthly, what I call "State of the Union" discussions. We developed a spreadsheet to give us a snapshot of our debt picture and brainstorm ways to cut it down. Sometimes there nothing we can do about it, but It's the effort that counts.<P>Good Luck! I don't think you need to call it quits.<P>------------------<BR>Later,<BR>B

I handle financial stuff in our marriage, too. At the time of our marriage (26+ years ago), my husband didn't know how to balance a checkbook. When he converted his checking account to a joint account, I had to draw a line and take the bank's word for how much was in there (after I went through 6 months of statements). He has since learned how, but he's just not that reliable about keeping up with details.<P>You have more issues than just who writes the checks, though. Are you saying he STILL runs up debt (other than the tax liability) without regard to what you can afford? Or just that you haven't made it through everything he piled up before you married?<P>And about the attempt at starting a business: If he had a tax liability of $12K, he must have had a substantial amount of money coming in. It sounds like he has a talent for making money, just not managing it well. Is he employed now? If he does the business thing again, could you (or another responsible party) manage the books for him?<P>You are probably overdue for a serious discussion about finances. Most of the time, one partner is more responsible and/or skilled than the other. It's difficult when it's the wife, because it isn't "manly" to let your wife hold the reins. But it sounds like that's what you need to do. For the most part, that's what I do. My husband prefers it that way. Yours may, too. And that may be what it takes to provide the financial security you need for yourself and your child.<P>Any marriage requires a division of responsibilities. Assuming he's responsible in other areas (which you didn't address), you need to agree between yourselves what the best division is for you. <BR>