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Shy Guy Lies
#56461 04/18/01 02:48 PM
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 710
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laura_lee
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laura_lee
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Posts: 710
Hi:<P>I am single and have had an inability to resolve a conflict with a single shy guy who lies. Our communication has broken down. He avoids conflict. Under pressure... he lies.<P>He so doesn't want his feelings hurt... that he pretends nothing is wrong and tries to "work around" issues instead of actively addressing them.<P>Why do shy guys lie? I'm beginning to believe it's one of the reasons nice guys finish last.<P><BR>
Re: Shy Guy Lies
#56462 04/18/01 04:34 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 322
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younglove Offline
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younglove
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I don't think all shy guys lie, but certainly some do.<P>In general, people lie for one of three reasons: to protect themselves from negative consequences of the truth, like embarrassment or punishment; to build someone up, either themselves by looking better than they are, or someone else, to avoid hurting their feelings; or "just because", in the case of pathological liars. If he's shy, I'd suspect more the first reason (lies to avoid something) than the second (lies to get something that otherwise wouldn't happen). And hopefully he's not the third kind!<P>I'm curious, though, why you say lying may be one of the reasons nice guys finish last? IMHO, a liar is not a nice guy.
Re: Shy Guy Lies
#56463 04/19/01 09:08 AM
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 980
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Harlequin99 Offline
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Harlequin99
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People also lie in order to avoid hurting others. He may be avoiding the issue because he feels that addressing it may cause you pain.<P>Be careful. You will never know what he is thinking, or know him in depth until he opens up in his communication and shares himself with you. You may think he is sweet, but it could be that he has never shared his opinions with you, and there is a negative jerk underneath his silence.<P>If you do prompt him, and he does begin to talk, listen without comment, and don't debate. This will make it easier for him to talk if he feels that you are not judging or critical. Ask questions that encourage him to keep going. Then take the time to think about what he's said before you try to resolve something.<P>Anne

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