in my 9 year marriage i have had 4 affairs 2 were when i was 17 and the past 2 were in the past 2 years, with this last one i broke my husbands heart so badly he filed for a divorce at first i thought it was the right thing to do because i thought i messed things up too bad to fix them. i dont want a divorce i love my husband with my whole heart and have ask for forgiveness from god and my husband my husband says he forgives me but he hardly looks at me when we speak i also have discovered that my husband has a "friend" i am very jealous of her because i feel like she has something of mine a piece of my heart. i want it back i know i sound like a spoiled child i need to know if there is any hope for our marraige,i have confessed my sins to him and have changed my life around in the last litte while i just hope i dont lose him to his "friend" he swears he is not doing anything with her he sleeps at her house he is a god fearing man and i do believe him but his actions dont look any better than things ive done to our family how can i convince him that our family our 4 children our marraige is worth acting like a husband again? i know i have waited a little late to act like a wife but is it wrong to want to be married to him still?also he gets very mad at me when i bring up "us" how can i avoid conflict and still resolve our problems? please pray for me

I think that you need to get yourself and your husband into counseling immediately. It is possible that your past affairs have mentally broken his love for you and he has given up. How do you think you will feel if he had 4 affairs on you and two in the past two years? I think counseling is your only hope but it simply may be too late and you will need to live with the consequences. I am sure he is asking himself how could he possibly trust you again. What answer do you have to convince him. Good Luck

we tried counseling once i dont think he will go i have ask him to speak with our pastor he suggested i do it on my own

You might want to try the Infidelity Forum. They can relate to your situation and may have more "relevant" information.

Sounds like you've cried wolf one too many times. I agree, get to counseling, even if you have to go alone. It's possible but I doubt it. Good Luck!<P>------------------<BR>Later,<BR>B

ready2change,<P>Let me recommend several things. 1. Go to the "Just Found Out" section of this site and look for NSR's greeting post. If you can not find it, then read Onegoing's greeting. Both of these posts have within them many threads to articles that might be of use to you. Please read about Plan A, also read a book called His Needs Her Needs, so of it is found in the same posts. Finally, try reading Surviving an Affair also by Harley. <P>These articles and books will offer you some ideas on how to rebuild your marriage. It will be a tough go, but you can do it. It will depend on how sincere you are, and how well your H can heal from what you have done. Here is where knowing his needs might help. <P>You cannot take back what has happened, but what you can do is show him that future doesn't have to be like the past. That will require that you examine yourself and see if you understand why you did what you did. These were your choices and you will have to decide how to prevent yourself from making the same choices in the future. If you are completely honest with your H and continue to be then perhaps some trust can be rebuilt.<P>It may be too late, but there are ways to rebuild. Learn about them. Finally, do post in the General Questions section. You will get a lot more advice there.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Ready2change, all I can tell you just like everyone else here is, get counseling anyway you can and try your best to works things out, but you need to see it from your husbands point of view. I don't blame him for feeling the way that he does. I told my wife that if she ever cheated on me, even once that I would be gone like the wind, cause after that one time I would never trust her again.<BR>

M23<BR>do you have any suggestions on how i can convince him to try to go to counseling? it is hard to get him to do any thing right now without making him mad. <P><BR>Amanda <BR>

Ready2change,,,<BR>I know I'm not the one you posted your question to, but I would like to offer a suggestion.<P>You don't have to convince him to go, you can go on your own. It's possible that, once he sees that you are serious about going, he will decide to go with you. Just remember to make it an invitation to him. Honey would you like to go with me? I would appreciate it if you would.<P>Just a suggestion. It doesn't always take both people to start fixing a marriage. There is always ONE to take the first step. <P>Wolf<P>------------------<BR>"You can't think your way into a new way of living. <BR>You have to live your way into a new way of thinking."<BR>Passionate Marriage<BR>David Schnarch, Ph.D.

thanx wolf i will try this i had planned on going with or without him i just think it wuold have been better if we went together<BR>Amanda