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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 25
Member
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Member
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 25 |
I am a 38yr old military wife. I feel my marriage is out of convienence. I have tried for years to get our marriage help but he has not wanted to work on things. He keeps saying that he is happy and I am the one with a problem. I don't feel I have any use other than to meet others needs. I am always looking for what my husband would expect of me and trying to do it. I am to the point that I do all the housework, yard work, and any heavy work that needs to be done. I also do almost everything for our two children too. My husband is always telling me that I don't deserve any compliments on what I have done because I don't work as hard or as long as he does. I have asked for help with things but I am only told "in a litte while". I end up doing it all myself because he seldom will help. He is probably right, because I don't have a job outside of the house right now. I am scared to go out and get one. I recently had a job for 2 years before we moved here. I had a job set up with the same company when we moved here and he told me I would not be doing the same job as before. It was too much of a headache for him. <BR>He is now telling me that I need to get a job and pay for my own gas, insurance and car repairs<when needed> I need to "pay my on way". <BR>I don't have a College education and can't support my two kids if I leave.<BR>What can I do to make things better. I keep failing when I keep meeting his needs and wants. Everything is never good enough and he is always wanting more. He will never listen to me and my feelings or will tell me it is no big deal when I tell him how I feel.<P>If you could give me any suggestions to work on please let me know. <P>Thank you<p>[This message has been edited by Anne2000 (edited May 08, 2001).]
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 110
Member
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Member
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 110 |
Well, by reading what you have written, you should look into taking up a skill that like or find of interest. Considering that your husband is military, he has very high standards for his way, but that doesn't mean that he should treating you in this way. He trying to make you independent of your own way, incase something were to ever happen to hiim, that you can take care of yourself and your kids. I suggest that you sit down with your husband and tell him exactly on how you feel. Tell him that he may not see a problem, but you do and it must be addressed. As far as not living up to his standards, never ever think that. ALL WAYS remember that both you and him MUST be of equal other wise it will not work.
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5 |
I was in the military for 4 years active and 7 years in the reserve. (USAF). I can understand him setting high standards for you. I can also understand if he is trying to get you prepared for his not being there for some reason. However, any marriage is a give and take relationship. You work every bit as hard and long as he does. Being a homemaker is hard, never-ending work. At least he gets to leave at 4:00 or 5:00 and come home. However, you are still expected to work until you go to bed. He needs to take these things into consideration. One side cannot give all the time or it does not work. It sounds like to me (and I am no authority, I am just expressing my opinion)he is asking too much from you. I wonder if you did get a job and pay your own way if he would "pay his own way" in regards to housework, cooking, taking care of kids etc. When both people work both people have to pitch in to take care things. I am not sure what advice to give you but you should not worry about being able to support yourself alone. If he stays in the military it is his responsiblity to provide proper care for you. If he does something unreasonable that puts you and your children in jeapordy and you have tried to work things out but he will not reason with you and you are afraid for some reason then you have an outlet by talking to his first sergeant or CO. Family services may also be able to help. No matter what anyone tells you he cannot "not" provide care for you. Good luck.
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