Please help this is my first time and I shoudve been here a long time ago. I am 21 my wife is 19. We were engaged for a year and were married july 15. I am so hurt right now, I have a long story and very detailed so please read it all, We are both young and married very early but we were also very much in love and I know with all my heart she is who I want to spend the rest of my life with.And she says she fells the same We, like every couple have good and bad days, but I never knew this would be. When we were first married we were both virgins, we both had saved ourselves because we both knew it was what we wanted. I loved the fact that we could share something so intament a part of ourselves with each other. So we get married , but not with everyones blessings, her mom, step dad. They thought since her moms been through 5 marriages and started when she was my w age that she would just do the same thing and be abused and left. Only it wasnt that way, I love her so much I cant stand to be with out her I need her. She is what makes me who I am. I am not a great husband I have had my prob. my probs. are that when we got married i made the mistake of moving in w/ my mom, this caused my wife soooo much stress, on top of that because im so stuck up I wanted a new home and nothing else, I wouldnt have it any other way. So we were gonna get this loan that if you only make so much a year you qualify but we wouldve went over, I lost my job and not on purpose, but I was stupid and thought we would be ok if i worked under the table and just took care of my bills until the loan thing worked. I have been out of work for almost 5 months and that is the secound biggest mistake , it caused her so much stress. However all these things were ad ons to what happend 5 + weeks ago. We were at home alone and putting together this closet thing because we had no room and no house yet and it was getting really hard at my moms. So were putting it together and were getting agervated and then upset to mad to very angry. We started fighting over nothing and all of the sudden we were yelling and screaming and in each others face and I yelled "thats bull *****" and when i did I yelled so loud that I sprayed spit from my mouth, it was not on purpose but the damage was done , and to make matters worse she then spit back in my face to get even, and I just wanted her to stop . she was spraying me w/ spit, and somewhere in between trying to cover her mouth or push her from my face it happend. I would rather die than live that moment again.I pushed her away only my hand pushed her neck. It was not what i was doing and I would never chocke my wife and i didnt choke her, but that push was enough to scare her that I would hurt her or something ,I wouldnt do that to her, I know I have a temper problem but I love her so much and I would never intentionally hurt her. I am so ashamed , I wasnt brought up like that, and im a very God fearing man and I feel like who I was is destroyed because of this. I feel like scum, and almost like I dont deserve this woman I hold so dear.Almost a week ent by after this and I thought we had worked it , that she knew it was a accident, only 1 week after her step dad threatened me for putting my hands on her. She and I talked that night and sure enough she was still scared, and unsure of us and this situation. I begged for forgiveness, and eventually I thought we had worked it out.its now been 5 weeks or so and with no warning my wife showed up at our home w/ cops and her mom leading the way, My wife was in tears and could only say "im sorry im not allowed to talk to you" this was such a side swipe. <BR>How about a little more background. After we were married we tried to have sex and she was very afraid ,(childhood scars)<BR>and we talked about it and she tried, but we never were able to have sex, and I knew that and I was ok, I loved her , I had waited 20 yrs, I could/wouldve waited another 20 for her, after 5 mo of marriage we finally were able to do it, and at first it was rough , but real quick she was ok enjoying us sharing each others body. What im trying to get at is that before this Fri. We have been great, with each other, but I still had no job or place for us to live. She said she is afraid of me and that I might abuse her but she went on a trip 2-3 weekends ago to N.C. just her and I and we loved it, I loved just talking to her on the drive up, it was the best 1800 miles of my life. Even at our hotel it was great we made love like never before. Im so confused, why didnt she talk to me, why didnt she tell me we still had a problem. I would have listened she has to know that. So why after all this after being so close, after making love on Wed. so passionate, could she leave me on friday with no warnning. On Thur, we were getting ready for bed and i wanted to, and she didnt so i said never mind and she took offense, after telling her its ok you need your sleep ect. I wasnt mad or anything like that. Ten like 2 am I wake up and want to, and I wake her and kiss and rub her back and after like 5 min she pushed me off, and said to stop, but what i didnt get was she initiated some things amd let me do some things that we dont normally do, and i liked them and thought she was doing some things to get ready for our anniversiary. I was so happy that she did, then after 5 min. she was upset over what I was doing so I stopped and told her I was soory and then i kissed her back goodnight and told her I loved her, I took her to work on Fri. at 8;30 and we kissed and she said I love you and at 10;30 she was at my house to leave me.She wont call or answer the phone her mom hates me, her step dad threatens me I want her back I want to make things right but she can only say im not allowed to talk to you. Please someone help me. Im loosing my wife, and my life. I am desperste, i cant eat sleep, all i do is cry. I would give anything to get her back, buut she wont even try,she told her sister that its over, that shes getting a divorce, <BR>I cant take this. Ineed her in my life, I neglected her emotions and It was wrong but I dont know what to do now , is this it, am i lost. will ilose the only person who has ever really loved me? I want to work it out but she has her mother n friends influencing her to tottally ignore me and just get a divorce....please help me, I can not live with out her. please<P>

It really sounds like you need to talk to someone who can put you in the right frame of mind. Do you have a pastor or priest you could talk to? Would she go with you? <P>Could living at your mom's be part of the problem. Maybe thats why she felt uncomfortable making love. It could explain why she was so willing in NC.<P>Most important is are you being true to yourself when you said that is all that physically happened. I am not judging you but if it is not true, meaning you have been more physical or even emotionally attacking her, PLEASE PLEASE talk to someone about it. Even if it doesn't work out with her you need to help yourself and be the best man you can be.

thanks and yes I do feal that living with my mom has hurt us both but the love making was not that. We have alot of time other places that we tried to and still couldnt, And at first we had over a week alon on a boat.<BR> As for my physical, no, I have never hit her, or been abusive, Alot of times we argue of stupid things and we blow them way out of porportion, and the big things we handle like we should. We had talked about seeing counceling, but now I have nothing, she wont talk to me, she says shes afraid, but I dont understand, I know what I did , and it was wrong, but it wasnt what everyone says I did, I think she was upset and ran to her mom, and rather than tell the whole story she just said he spit i spit he grabed my throat, but it wasnt like that.And her mom blew up and wont hear my side, and tells my Wife to divorce me or Ill try to kill her like her ex did to her. if she wont talk to me or let me talk to her or get counseing what can i do? We did some pre marital counseling w/ our pastor, but we dont have a relationship with him and there are some things I dont feel like we could tell him. <P>Emotionally we here w/ each other,And we do suport each other as best we can, but she dose have some probs.She gets upset adn when she dose she hits herself, its scarry and I dont want her to hurt herself so I take her hands and hold them so she wont urt herself. We both know and have known that it was a prob and she needs help we just thought it would go away or we could work it out. wrong again. If anyone knows someone to got o in central fla. plese let me know. I dont know who to go to, and how to get her help when she wont even talk to me.

I really can't offer you any advice but to find someone to talk to. <BR>If you want to have more ppl respond to your post, maybe repost under divorcing/divorced or emotional needs. This part of the board I have noticed doesn't seem to get much traffic. (I don't know why this is) <BR>Just be strong and find someone to talk to, and tell your wife how you feel about her in a card or letter, she may not read it but it might help you.