I have been a serious relationship with this guy for almost a year now. From the time that we started dating, his ex-wife has given us nothing but trouble. She started out by calling me up telling me that he was calling her all the time saying that if she would divorce her husband he would quit seeing me and that they could get back together. I questioned him and he denied it. It has been a nonstop battle of lies from day one. She will call me up and be all nice and tell me how glad that me and him are together and that she knows she doesn't have to worry about her children when they are around me, etc. Next, he takes her back to court to get his child support lowered, because when it was originally set, it was based on his income from the prior year while they were still married. He had volunteered so much overtime b/c they were saving up to build a house and that made his child support for three children over 1400 a month. He since then is not able to get the overtime work anymore because is job stopped offering it. He lives in a house that his parents own so they don't make him pay rent b/c they know that after child support is cut out of his check, he would only bring home about 120 per week. He still had to buy groceries for the kids and himself when he had the kids for his weekend visitation and summer visitation. Plus all the other regular utilities bills. His ex wife does not work so he provides 100 percent of his children's expenses. Anyway, he went to get his child support lowered to what is was suppose to be based on his current income. It went down to 1000 per month. He could actually have a little money now to take his kids to do things when he had them and just plain get by. I went with him to court for support b/c he did not have anyone else to go with him. Her soon to be ex husband was with her for support. She got so mad when the judge ordered that the child support be lowered that she yelled obsenities at me and told me that she would have me killed and "don't think i can't have it done". Now, i did not have anything to do with her child support being lowered. There were several small children around when she yelled out these obsenities to me. A couple of days later, I called her to ask her why she was mad at me and why she said all those horrible things to me. She sat there and told me that she wasn't talking to me, she was talking about my Boyfriend. I just told her okay b/c i did not want to start anymore confrontation. But she pointed straight at me when she said all those things so I know she was talking to me. It has been one thing after another and I sometimes wonder if it is all worth it. I keep telling myself that she is trying her best to get me to give up on me and him b/c of all the BS and that if i do leave then she will get exactly what she wanted. But I have grown to love this man with all my heart. I am trying my hardest to handle this the best way and most mature way that I can. Please tell me any advice. I feel like this will go on as long as we are together. I want there to be piece but I feel like i have tried everything in my power to make peace but it hasn't worked. I just want some answers on what to do. Thanks for any help you can offer. <P>------------------<BR>

She yelled that in court and there was no contempt of court charged? I would not let her bait you. I would watch her and her actions b/c of the kids. Are they safe with her? Does she talk like this in front of them? Right now I would not worry about yourself but that you and your BF make sure those kids are safe. If you love him you love his kids.

Thanks for responding. There was no contempt charge because I didn't want to cause a fuss. I have been trying to keep everything smooth for the children's sake. With our court system, it is so hard for dad's to prove anything. We have a strong inclination that she is using drugs from what people have been telling us and also because of the way her looks have just gone down, she looks like she might weigh 80lbs. But my BF's atty told him that the judge could have a drug test done on her only if he had proof that she was doing the drugs with the children present. She said that she has even see a judge rule, with a positive drug test on the mom, that as long as the kids did not see her do it then she is not endangering their lives. The atty told him that she could snort cocaine in the bathroom and as long as the kids didn't see it, there's not much he can do. He also doesn't have alot of money to fight a long custody battle. So, he is trying so very hard to just show his kids that he cares for them and not fuss with their mom. That has been driving her crazy that he won't fuss with her anymore too. She now calls him just trying to start things. She tells him that the kids came in and told me that I yelled at them and spanked them. I had not even hardly been around his kids the weekend that she was talking about. My BF then ask his kids about it the next time he saw them and his oldest said, "Mama lied again, we never said that to her." Its so sad that she is using these kids the way she is to try to get rid of me. By the way, i think i told you that they have been divorced for 3 years now and I am the first person that he has actually been in a serious relationship with so I am trying to put myself in her shoes to see how she might be feeling. But also, she has had plenty of time to get over the fact that he has moved on. I forgot to also mention that the reason they got divorced was b/c she got pregnant by another man. They have a 8 year old daughter and 7 year old twin girls. After the twins were born, my BF went and had a vesectomy. So, when she got pregnant, she knew she has messed up. They did make him do a paternity test to make sure that it wasn't his and of course, it wasn't. THanks for the advice.

Sorry you're going thru this - I've been there and I know how difficult it is. My H's exW has created various problems for us since we began dating (16 years ago) and, unfortunately, used the children as pawns in attempts to hurt my H and destroy our relationship.<P>I have just one bit of advice for you - NEVER, EVER say anything about the exW in front of the children. Believe me, you won't regret it. It's not easy, but that's what you have to do. I've been biting my tongue for 16 years now, and my stepchildren can honestly say that I've never said a bad word about their Mom. I can also recommend a great book by Cherie Burns - Stepmotherhood, How to Survive without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked. That book saved my life.<P>On a positive note, things will improve over time. It may not seem like it right now, but they will. And I agree with Erebus - be sure the children are safe. <P>Good luck to you - I know how you feel! {{{Hugs}}}

Thanks Susie! This really does help me by posting these messages and then reading advice from others who have been there or anyone.

Okay yall! My boyfriend has now gone to the girls school (the twins are in 1st grade and the oldest is in 2nd) and gotten there attendence record for the year. They have all missed 14 full days and checked out 7 days before 11am which means that they were counted absent. His oldest daughter is being held back next year b/c she is not on grade level. my bf talked to the oldest daughter's teacher back in March and she told him that she had been trying to get the mother to get her in tutoring since the beginning of the school year. Their mother never said anything at all about this to my BF. She didn't even tell him that the teacher said that and give him the chance to come up with the money to pay for it. Her excuse in March when he asked her why she didn't tell him back at the beginning of the year was b/c she didn't have the money to pay for it. She could have at least told him b/c he could have gotten the money to pay for it. Well, its too late now. By the time he found out, he got her in tutoring but the school year was almost over. He did ask his ex there was anyway she could come up with 1/2 of the money for the tutor. It was 40 per week which would have meant 20 per week. She told him that if he didn't pay for all of it then the child just wouldn't go. Next, one of the twins has had a cavity, a hole in her tooth that you can see, that she has been complaining about since the first of march. My bf asked their mom if she would make dentist appt's, she told him that she already had one made and that they couldn't get them in until May 8th. So he was fine with that. The little girl kept complaining with it but he just kept saying that mommy is going to take u to the dentist on may 8th. may 8th came around and my bf called their mom to make sure that they were still going to the dentist that day and she said that she had to reschedule it b/c she didn't have the money. He told her that he would have paid for it and that the child needed to go to the dentist. THey fought about that once again. My BF is going to have his kids all next week for one of his 4 weeks with them this summer. He called their dentist to just see if their mom had rescheduled the appt and they said no. So, he asked them if they could check to see if they girls did have an appt on May 8th and if it got canceled. They told him that when they pulled up the girls names on the computer it would show if they did have an appt and it got canceled. Well, guess what, they never even had an appt at all on any date. The mother just lied and said that they did. He was so upset but he didn't know how to handle all this b/c she gets so defensive if he questions her parenting ability. So, he decides to call her mom and try to see if she might could talk to her daughter b/c he really didn't want to fight with her. Well, her mom was very pissed off about what her daughters behavior. The mom called her and i am assuming chewed her out. My bf's ex then called him and starting blessing him out for calling her mommy on her. She still says that she had the appt for them but had to cancel it b/c she didn't have the money. She is now trying to say that she ask my bf for the money and the he told her to take it out of her f..... child support. She never asked him for anything b/c he would have paid for that b/c he knew it was something that the child needed badly. She says that she has the little cards that the dentists send out reminding you of your appt. My bf told her that he wanted to see it, she has still not produced these little cards yet. My BF has now made an appt with a counselor to go in and discuss what has been going on and try to figure out what he can do. Please give me any advice you can on this. I know that i am just the GF but i can not stand to see children being treated this way. Do you think this would be considered neglect? Not just the dentist appt but also the amount of time she is keeping the children out of school. By the way, all the days that they children have missed, 95% of them are the same days. HELP!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>