My fianceé and I are having problems with this one issue that are very important to us. We have a very strong belief to wait to have sex until marriage because it is a law that God put in the bible, to protect us from unwanted pregnancy before marriage, to keep ourselves for one person who we marry, etc etc. The thing is we almost did have sex before we marry but we got in trouble and we are not allowed to contact each other, for scriptural reasons. For our protection from having sex before marriage, we were advised to have no contact of any kind for a while, because our sexual desires were too strong. And I feel it was a good counsel for now because our sexual desires would not grow more than our actual love for each other. But my fianceé does not want to have no contact because he is afraid that we would stop loving each other. But I feel that it is not true. If we truly love each other then we would not stop loving each other, even if we don't have contact for few months. But I am doing it for my fiancee's protection and mine from getting into more trouble. Every time we talk about it, we seem to get to no where on agreeing on this subject. He feels we should keep in contact to keep our love strong, but I'm afraid of getting us into more trouble and our sexual desires to grow more than our actual love for each other. I don't know maybe I am being to extreme. How can we resolve this conflict? Can you help? (I know this belief may sound strange to you but maybe you can help?)

We are all sinners, and ours is a forgiving god. With that said, no contact may be a little too extreme of a measure and may create other issues. Your feelings of desire are normal for 2 people in love about to get married. <BR>Set limits and abide by them, you've already made it this far without compromising your values. This will only work if you are both committed to the same goal, waiting to your wedding night. Good luck & may God bless you.<BR>ps All is not lost no matter what happens (few people make it as far as you have) so regardless of what happens always remember Jesus loves you and will forgive.

Henning,<P>I am a little confused about who is commanding you to stay away from each other, but nevertheless allow me to ask a few questions. Perhaps they will crystalize the situation for you.<P>Do you think love grows strong for someone you have never met? Do you think physical desire is separate from love?<BR>Do you believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder?<P>I will offer my answers to these questions and then perhaps we and others can discuss this issue. First, I commend you and your H for your desire to remain abstanent (sp) for your marriage.<P>My answer to these questions. Being away from someone does not necessary make a love stronger. Indeed, it often weakens a love and leads to temptation. Separations are often unavoidable in life, but they are not the preferred way to live.<P>I believe you can have physical desire without love. I also believe you can have love with out sex. But even the bible counsels that love, sex, and marriage are deeply intertwined and lead to the strongest families. So it is natural that you two are strongly attracted to each other, it shouldn't frighten you nor does it diminish your love. <P>Finally, I do not believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder. <P>So what to do. I think that you two should be able to see each other, however, don't put yourselves into situations where you can act on temptation. It should be an agreement that both of you make and one that BOTH of you work on. It isn't just your job to keep him at bay, but rather both of your job that you as a couple meet your goal. To marry first, before having sex.<P>Without knowing more about your situation this the best advice I can offer you.<P>Congratulations on your upcoming marriage and <P>God Bless,<P>JL