HELP!<BR>This is my first post but I need any Ideas I can get. My wife and I are on the verge of a divorce. Something "happened" last November. I suspect very strongly she had an affair. She has become won't talk or for the most part acknowledge my presence. I feel like the invisible man and very lonely. We haven't slept together since December. I'm seeing a counselor but it seems that until my wife makes up her mind as to if she wants to continue the marriage or not I'm pretty helpless. I feel <BR>all I can do is hang around and not do any "love busters". I'm pretty sure the affair is over for her. Too many details to go into here. I'm trying to be caring, loving and thoughtful of her but it is difficult some days. I <BR>write poems, songs etc. for her send her cards and flowers.<BR>My attitude is that I can't do anything about the past except no make the same mistakes. Whether or not she had an affair will not effect it either becaus I want to restore our marriage no matter what. I can only hope she sees the value of our 20 year relationship<BR>I must admit to many faults which I see now pushed her to do whatever she did. I get no encouragement that she is even considering rebuilding our marriage. We have two boys and I don't want to put them through a divorce. I've realized my shortcommings and I an taking steps to correct them. I just wish she would give me a chance. I must also admit our past history hasn't been too good in that we have been through counseling a couple of times before, but it has never been this bad. I believe the marriage is saveable but she is going to want it too. I don't think I can do it alone. HELP!

Glassheart.....you are going in the right direction by wanting to work on yourself and your marriage. I'm a newbie and am trying to follow the steps as instructed by Dr. Harley and MB (Marriage Builders). Please review the information that this site has to offer and take the necessary steps to confront your wife with your true feelings. Get that out in the open and perhaps she may want to cleanse her soul as well. Then go to Plan A which allows you to grow as a person and, at the same time, try to meet her emotional needs. It sometimes takes babysteps but at least you are willing to try. That is a great part of the battle......willingness!<P>Good luck and follow your heart......<BR><P>------------------<BR>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!

First of all, what is she doing for you while you are chasing her all over the place? If she isn't in the same "place" emotionally as you are all the writing poems and songs are not going to have the desired effect. When two poeple first "connect" this is very desired! I know when my h and were first together, we would both write poetry to each other. It was the first thing I resorted to whenever we had our first conflict, but he wasn't in that same place and I just got my feelings hurt.<P>Try a little mystery...don't be so available to fullfill her every desire and need. Trying not to love bust is a terrific idea, but back off from the "smothering." And I don't think you should take ALL the blame for your relationship being the way it is, especially if your wife had an affair. That needs to be brought out for sure! You certainly can't take responsibility for THAT!