My wife and I have been together for 3 years. Every 3-5 months she will get mad over nothing and leave for<BR> a week to 6 weeks. The last time she left, she finally came back. We found a therapist and she was<BR> diagnosed as Bi-Polar, rapid cycling. She tried seveal antidepressants and was finally put on Prozac. She<BR> also has Dual Diagnosis using acholol and cannibs. I know she is self medicating because she says it reduces<BR> the depression. She has lost custody of her children from a previous marriage, DUI, over the last year she<BR> has become steadly worse and will get worse unless she decides she has a serious problem and needs to get<BR> serious about controling the illness. On one particular Saturday after she had laid on the couch for 3 days in<BR> a severely depressed state, so much so that she couldn't remember what day it was. She cried constantly,<BR> and begged that she didn't want to feel this way. She hadn't taken her prozac for 4 days. That saturday<BR> morning she took 2 and began drinking beer heavily all day with over the counter stimulants. That night<BR> during a casual conversation she became enraged and angry. I tried to calm her down by telling her I love<BR> her and think about what she was doing. She tried to leave the house and go to her mothers. She was drunk,<BR> and severly manic. I knew that was not the right thing to do because she has attempted sucide 5 time that I<BR> know of. I would not let her leave, that is what I was told to do. So she called the police, i hung up the<BR> phone telling her not to do that because they would put someone in jail. She threw the phone aginist the wall<BR> and it bounced back and hit her in the eye leaving a black eye the next day, she broke pictures, threw things<BR> threw the wall, i was truly scared, she had hit me before, I am 6-2 210lbs and she is 5-7 130lbs. She had<BR> accidently hit me in the eye when I tried to calm her down so when the police got there they she told them I<BR> didn't hit her, they saw my eye and took her to jail. I begged them not to. In retrospect I should have had<BR> them take her to the hospital. Well, now she doesn't remember much of what happend that night, and she is<BR> insisting that I hit her. Which of course I did not. She has filed for a divorce, she is living with her drug addict<BR> mother and achololic father, or friend who are major into drugs, she is also been addicted to crystal meth in<BR> the past, these people who have no clue to how dangerious Bi-polar illness is and has not tried to educated<BR> themselves on the subject. My contribution is that I enabled her to continue the destructive behavior, I<BR> suspect I am a little co-dependant. I love my wife dearly, I try to support her and encourage her in every<BR> aspect of her life I even asked her every morning if she took her meds and made sure she knew of the<BR> therapist appts. She has surrounded herself with people that are encouraging her to continue with the divorce<BR> and that I am a terrible husband and that she is fine. Of course they only know her side of the story and have<BR> no idea what it is like to love a bi-polar person. She has spent 40 thousand dollars since september,<BR> unfinished projects, no enery, classis symptoms of Bi_polar rapid cycling. She said she is continuing to go to<BR> therapy. But since she has been around all the ignorant people she is begining to doubt the diagnosis of the<BR> therapist. I think she is in denial and blames me for everything bad that happens. My question is will she ever<BR> remember what actually happened that night? She has a history of leaving and returning, will she regret what<BR> she has done, she told me she loved me, but feels that I hit her. The therapist says to trust the system, but<BR> with lawyers involved I afraid it will get out of hand and we will wind up divorced. And since she thinks I hit<BR> her she has a protection order aginst me and I am afraid to call her in fear of going to jail. How can I stop<BR> this? How can I get my wife back? I love her and want to continue the marriage. If given the chance I plan to<BR> tell her that there is no way I can go back to all the dope and drinking and non-compliance of the treatment<BR> and lack of attending the conciling sessions. Help, what should I expect to become of all this? I don't know if she will go through the divorce or not as long as she keeps getting incouragement from her sorry friends and parents. Should I expect her to return again, should I continue to hope. Should I go ahead and get a divorce. I feel like I am running out on her, but won't even talk to me about it. What am I to do here. Questions that are in my mind. <P> Just a confused and loving husband needn' help.<P>------------------<BR>

You are doing the right thing telling her you love her. Pray and pray and ask God to lead her to someone who can help. Don't cooperate with the divorce. You never know if it will really happen - strange things do happen. Keep trusting in God. It's super hard and I have a hard time too. Try to find a prayer partner. Go to the prayer request section of this website for some help and some hope. God bless you...

I usually don't respond to these types of messages, but because I am familiar with bi-polar disorder, I figured I might as well. I am someone who is intimately familiar with bi-polar disorder. My mother has it and I had to deal with it for the past 12 years.<P>First of all, put your wife into a mental hospital right away. Call the police and have them take her there. This will clean out her system from the drugs and alcohol. Then she needs to get on a medication called ZOLOFT. This will completely control the bi-polar cycle. It may make her drowsy for a while until she gets used it, but, with time, it will get better.<P>As soon as she gets on it, she needs to start visiting a psychiatrist right away to understand that she has a problem that needs to be dealt with. They can help her stay on the medication and get back to living a normal life.<P>I can almost assure you that without this, you have absolutely no chance with this person. The disorder is a chemical imbalance, so they have no physical discomfort, and you cannot convince them that they have a problem. Sorry to say, but if she does not get this kind of help, you will need to get a divorce and get on with your life, because it will never get any better.<P>On the positive side, my mother is doing better and now takes a combination of a low dose Zoloft along with Synthroid. Found out her bi-polar was aggravated by a thyroid condition. She is self-sufficient and no longer has mood swings, and takes her medication on her own.<P>Good luck.

I have to agree with luvable.<P>Your wife needs to be in a hospital. You said she has repeatedly tried to commit suicide. That is grounds alone to put her in the hospital. She could succeed the next time.<BR>You love her,,,,now get her some help!!!!!!!! She'll probably be furious with you for going against her wishes, but OH WELL, she will NOT be able to hurt herself in a hospital.<P>Hope that didn't step on too many toes. You can't waste time with this condition, it changes too quickly.<P>Good luck!<BR>Wolf<P>------------------<BR>"You can't think your way into a new way of living. <BR>You have to live your way into a new way of thinking."<BR>Passionate Marriage<BR>David Schnarch, Ph.D.