Hello,<BR>I am new on this site. I was just browsing the web site and ran across this web site. I have read a lot of interesting topics. My prayers are with all of you. I am asking for anyone that believes in God and believe his will be done in my life to help me understand why I can not move on with my life. I am a 35 year old female, I was married for only 2 years and in those 2 years the Lord bless me with a beautiful baby girl, by my husband. I shall never forget on the day of our anniversary when I told him, his comments where just, Oh!. And we had been praying and asking God to bless us with a child. This is my first child and my first marriage. <BR>I started figuring out that my marriage was falling apart when he got a pager and from there he started working late, then he would have to go work on Sunday's and he never wanted to work on Sunday's. I never stop trusting him, but I did approach him and asked him was something going on that I needed to no about. He said everyting was fine. My annivesary was in July 1999 in August 1999 he said he did not want his marriage anymore. I was four months and I was completely stunned. I tried to talke with him but he would not talk, he said that I aggervated him. So I stop communicatin with him unless he called. I was under so much pressure until I had to be restricted from work and put to be bed. The only income that I had was mine. He never came to any of the Dr.'s appointments, he never called just to see how I was doing are anything. And if he did call he would call and just say that things could not work out. <P>So in December 1999 I asked not to call anymore because it was to much of strain on me and the child. So far I was doing good. I found out later the lady that I thought was messing around with my husband, that told me to my face that she was not, was seeing my husband, they had moved in together. I continue to work part-time and my hours had been shorten by employer because of health reason. My child was due March 1st my last day at work was January 31st. <BR>I managed to get the baby nursery and everything ready, He did not contribute to any of this. I 5 days past my due date March 1 2000. I had made up in my mind I was not going to call him, I left to go to the hosiptal and my sister contacted him and did show up to my surprise. Shortly after 14 hours of labor and I delivered, he left. He did show any kinda of concern or happiness about the birth of our child.<P>I did not hear from him any more, When I did arrive home, I had a message on my voice mail that my employer did not need me anymore and that the poistion that I had was no longer available. I did not have a job to return to, my benifits were terminated immediatly and I did'nt have anything, all my savings were put into my child nursery, I lost my home, I lost everything. As time went Nvember of 2000 he married the young lady that was a memeber of the church we both attended and that he was living with. I still have not been able to understand what is going on and why. This young lady was married as well. They both filed for divorce at the same time.<P>I love my husband, When I found that I was completely destroyed, He has not had a relationship with his daugheter since she been in the world. He did not come for her first baptism, first thanksgiving, first christmas, and the saddest is he missed her first birthday party. <P>I feel like my husband made a decision of allowing the devil to destroy his marriage. To make this topic short. I still love my husband, not because he is the father of my child, but because, I felt that when I prayed to God and asked him to bless me with a husband, he blessed me with this man. I do believe that God knows what is best for me. I have tried to move on with my life as well as trying to block memories and my ex-husband out. But each day I am reminded of him. I finally got a call from my ex-husband and he wanted to see the baby, but he wanted to take somewhere, which means away from me. I don't really don't trust him with her by his self. I bascially told him that I have not had problem with yu having a relationship with his daughter and that I have no problem with him coming to get her. The only problem I have is that you have a wife that betrayed me and I will not allow my daughter to be around her. After I made that statement, he hung the phone up in my face. And to this day I have not heard from him. In my mind I said I hope I did the right thing.<P>It has been 1 year since our divorce. I have not met anyone nor have I been involved with anyone, because my heart is still with him. <P>I want to be happy, feel my happiness is with him. Our child does not even have a relationship with him to no who he really is. Because I think of him all the time. And you would think a year is enough time to aleast heal a litte.<P>Did I make the right decision<BR>A cry for Help!!<P>

As a divorced father I was on the other side of this type of hate toward the OW. The circumstances are quite different but the hate was there. It wasn't her fault, the blame falls on your ex and/or yourself as hard as that seems. In my case the OW was the catalyst not the problem.<P>To deny him of his relationship with your daughter solely on who he is with is wrong. However, if he is not supporting his child & you by providing alimony or child support he has NO right to expect a relationship in my opinion. Is he supporting you or the child now? <P>I am a god fearing Christian who has asked that my sins be forgiven. Our god is very forgiving & only he should judge. So don't judge, follow the rules of the land which include divorce laws. As long as your daughter is not put into danger let the relationship with her father start. But make sure the guidelines are set & followed as established ny the courts if you don't trust him. <P>Eventually the situation will get better & the pain will diminish. It's been 10 years in my situation and the wounds are better but the scars remain.<P>good luck.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bandito:<BR><B>As a divorced father I was on the other side of this type of hate toward the OW. The circumstances are quite different but the hate was there. It wasn't her fault, the blame falls on your ex and/or yourself as hard as that seems. In my case the OW was the catalyst not the problem.<P>To deny him of his relationship with your daughter solely on who he is with is wrong. However, if he is not supporting his child & you by providing alimony or child support he has NO right to expect a relationship in my opinion. Is he supporting you or the child now? <P>I am a god fearing Christian who has asked that my sins be forgiven. Our god is very forgiving & only he should judge. So don't judge, follow the rules of the land which include divorce laws. As long as your daughter is not put into danger let the relationship with her father start. But make sure the guidelines are set & followed as established ny the courts if you don't trust him. <P>Eventually the situation will get better & the pain will diminish. It's been 10 years in my situation and the wounds are better but the scars remain.<P>good luck.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I have never told him that he could not have a relationship with his daughter. I want him to come and spend as much time with his daughter as he chooses. I do not want some court to give him the week-ends are every other week-end are what every visitation that should be granted for him to see her. I want it to be a relationship between the both of us on neutral grounds. No time limits, no other person observing him are whatever. i just don't want him to take my/our child around this OW. She hurt me, She destroyed what made me happy, and to think if she may do something to my child. I would not be able to deal with in ration.<P>So no It's not that I don't want him to see. I don't want her around that OW.<P>No he not given childs support or anything.<P>Am I still wrong?<BR>

I feel for you..really.<BR>I'll offer a few words-<BR>If nothing else changes, what are you going to do for you?<BR>It sounds like its time to move on.<BR>There are many things for which I ask God "Why?". I wondered for years why God would have me go through my first divorce, but I can see the blessings. Crisis build character (thats what they say ), or, what doesn't break you makes you stronger! I thought I had the perfect woman in marriage # 2, but I am now divorced again (and getting stronger!). Maybe think of this time as a time for you to build yourself up, ensure your own emotional well being, and you will attract emotionally healthy men (when you least expect it ).<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jw3:<BR><B>I feel for you..really.<BR>I'll offer a few words-<BR>If nothing else changes, what are you going to do for you?<BR>It sounds like its time to move on.<BR>There are many things for which I ask God "Why?". I wondered for years why God would have me go through my first divorce, but I can see the blessings. Crisis build character (thats what they say :)), or, what doesn't break you makes you stronger! I thought I had the perfect woman in marriage # 2, but I am now divorced again (and getting stronger!). Maybe think of this time as a time for you to build yourself up, ensure your own emotional well being, and you will attract emotionally healthy men (when you least expect it :)).<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Why do you say you feel for me? I have asked GOd to deliver me, and I no I should ask and believe and I believe he will. It's taking me a little longer, because I asked God to bless me with a husband and he did, but it was taken away. <P>I am hurting, it feels like I am under water and cannot come up.<BR>

The OW should not be part of the criteria for a relationship between a child & father. Have you ever heard of step moms, they can & do provide an essential role in this situation. Speak up step moms out there... <P>The fact that he provides no support concerns me, that is his responsibility & he should be encouraged to fulfill it courts or not. If you are thinking your family will returned to it's previous state, i.e. him returning, it probably ain't gonna happen. So prepare yourself & child to deal with a divorced family structure and pray that everyone handles it well. If he is not going to support you & you don't want to make him, then move on as best you can....<P>Hate is a sin, so pray for strength and comfort, remember Jesus loves you. <P>

I'll try a rephrase- I think I understand some of what you may feel- I think I've had some of those feelings, some of the hurt. I am in the spot where I don't know why some of these things have happened.<BR>I have some of these encouraging quotes written down, and I read them often. I hope they can be of some help: <P>There is a path his love is planning, which must mean the best for you; there are blessings, countless blessings, which are hidden now from view.<P>You don’t need to see the way if you follow the one who is the way.<P>Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don’t turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until sometime later.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bandito:<BR><B>The OW should not be part of the criteria for a relationship between a child & father. Have you ever heard of step moms, they can & do provide an essential role in this situation. Speak up step moms out there... <P>The fact that he provides no support concerns me, that is his responsibility & he should be encouraged to fulfill it courts or not. If you are thinking your family will returned to it's previous state, i.e. him returning, it probably ain't gonna happen. So prepare yourself & child to deal with a divorced family structure and pray that everyone handles it well. If he is not going to support you & you don't want to make him, then move on as best you can....<P>Hate is a sin, so pray for strength and comfort, remember Jesus loves you. <P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I have nothing against step moms are dads. My problem is , The person he is married too. I trusted her as a christian sister, I believe her when she came to and said that there was nothing going on with her and my ex-husband. I truly believed her. This has everything to do with trusting her begin around my daughter. There are women out there (step moms) that can not except some of there husbands childern I have seen and heard some of the stories of how they mistreat the childern. I cannot trust her. I am just getting to the point to forgiving her. (But not forgetting). To bring it closer to home. My sister daughter my niece. My sister has remarried and her husband has nothing or no intrest in her daughters activity are life. They do live in the same house, but have little to no conversation at all. He does provide the essential things for her childern, but a relationship he does not give. On the other my brother childern has a real close relationship with there step mom. If I could think of her that way then I would not have problem with my child begin around her. The bottom line is, if she did what she did to my family, what would she do to my child. THis has nothing to do with steps moms that actually begin a good step mom to there husband childern. <P>She has 2 childern of her own and she rarley be with them. I have seen her around her own childern, she did'nt have the patients, nor did she spend a lot of quality time with them. I am not just saying this because she is married to my ex-husband, but remember we grew up together. So it has nothing to do with her begin a step mom. This is directed to her.<P><BR>

I think you have been honest and working hard and trying to be a good wife while you were cheated on by two people who were secretly planning to form a future together right there behind your back<P>I say this<P>Write to me and join my prayer group<P>Forgive him and her and yourself to free<BR>yourself from hurt<P>You have been treated unfairly and do not<BR>deserve it<P>But being angry will also not help you<P>You need to start a new life<P>You deserve it<P>You and your child<P>Carol<BR>kidnpuppetshows@hotmail.com<BR>

I agree totally that the child should be allowed a relationship with her father and that the conflict<BR>between the mother and the father should not be spoken<BR>about in front of the child and the father and mother should speak privately and nothing about the mother father conflict should be revealed to the child or in front of the child to other people at all<P>The father child relationship should be healthy and totally unharmed by anyone<P>The child has the right to see the father at reasonable times and reasonable access to visitations given<P>Carol<BR>kidnpuppetshows@hotmail.com<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CarolBo:<BR><B>I agree totally that the child should be allowed a relationship with her father and that the conflict<BR>between the mother and the father should not be spoken<BR>about in front of the child and the father and mother should speak privately and nothing about the mother father conflict should be revealed to the child or in front of the child to other people at all<P>The father child relationship should be healthy and totally unharmed by anyone<P>The child has the right to see the father at reasonable times and reasonable access to visitations given<P>Carol<BR>kidnpuppetshows@hotmail.com</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you for your support and encouraging words. I will write to you at your email address.<P>I have no problem with my childs father spending as much time with her as I have. I never said he could not have relationship with his daughter, the only thing I am saying is I do not feel comfortable with my daughter around his new wife. It's not directed towards him it her.<BR>

How in God's name could this man ignore his own child for so long? Sounds as though he has his own comprehension of Christian life. If and when your XH decides that he wants to be a part of his daughter's life, how will your daughter react to an essential stranger wanting to "daddy" her? Or take her away from her comfort zone? This man seems extremely selfish and does not deserve to rush into this child's life and disrupt the same. If you decide to allow him to be a parent to this child, time with her should only be allowed with your supervision until they form a bonding relationship. If you XH truly wants the best for the child, he should abide by her mother's rules since the mother is the one who has raised her from birth without the benefit of a fatherly figure. Follow your heart!<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

If he doesnt want to be a father dont make him, real daddies want to be fathers they are not forced or made to. If he really wanted to see his daughter he would have been fine with your wishes. Move on this man doesnt deserve to have that childs smile in his life. When she is older if she wishes to get in contact with him that is her choice but you shouldnt have to chase him down to father his child.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WifeOfLos:<BR><B>If he doesnt want to be a father dont make him, real daddies want to be fathers they are not forced or made to. If he really wanted to see his daughter he would have been fine with your wishes. Move on this man doesnt deserve to have that childs smile in his life. When she is older if she wishes to get in contact with him that is her choice but you shouldnt have to chase him down to father his child.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you for your support. They only thing is how long will it be before I can say I have moved on mentally?<P>