I’ve made some terrible mistakes and have hard to look really hard at myself over the past few months. My relationship was built on a very shaky foundation. I lied about my past and wasn’t honest about my situation, emotional, financially and just about everything else you can imagine. Eventually, this false life caught up with me, and in a way, I was relieved. I was able to start being honest with the woman I love and I didn’t have to keep track of lies.<P>I started counseling and was reading some self-help books, and making some progress, but I wasn’t really working as hard as I could have and the results showed. I’ve been very fearful of showing my love since I’ve been hurt in the past and even though I rationally know that K loves me, I’ve kept her at a distance. In the end, I’ve been abusive, emotionally. I’ve discounted her feelings and been very selfish about my own needs. Even now, a part of me feels that I’ve been trying and deserve a reward.<P>Now, we’re at a crossroads. K is fed up, and I can’t blame her. I’ve pushed and tested and wronged, more times than I can count. We’ve had difficult talks and I’ve promised we would never need another, but I haven’t been able to live up to that word. Now, I’m letting go of my guilt and fear and want to just love her, but it may be too late, or at least too late for us to become a couple again.<P>She says she loves me, but that she doesn’t trust that I will or can change. She isn’t willing to open up to me because she doesn’t see the point and it’s just made her feel worse. We aren’t physical because of that issue of trust.<P>I’m deeply troubled. I love her and want to give her my love, but that seems to mean that we have to separate and I want to just hold her and make things better. And that feels selfish, because she’s told me what she wants and it’s for me to find somewhere else to live.<P>I know I can’t just tell her that I love her and I’m changed in my heart and expect everything to be fixed. I just don’t know what to do. She says she is done, it’s too late for counseling and she wants to end this as adults and in a loving way. I want to repair the damage.<P>Help me, what can I do?

Present,<BR>try showing her your post...sit down and draw up an agreement with her on things you both need...do the love buster questionnaires and emotional needs questionnaires with her...set a date...90 days, and try like crazy, talk like crazy and remember to play like crazy.<BR>T

I think you definitely need one counsellor in your life so that you can come a point where you can discuss all the points that are giving your relationship this shaky condition because you are trying hard but cannot do it alone<P>Find a minister or counsellor in your area fast and take your partner with and both of you put your cards on the table<P>You cannot fix it alone<P>You must have professional intervention<P>Log into <A HREF="http://www.allexperts.com" TARGET=_blank>www.allexperts.com</A> and ask brief questions looking under the topic of marriage and look for doctor Duff<P>She is a psychologist and trained in marriage<P>Good luck<P>