hi..i'm broken hearted =*( Went through a bad breakup with my live-in boyfriend. We've lived together for about 8 months and known eachother for 2 years. I don't know what happened. He just started to change. He stopped spending quality time with me. He's a health freak..so he eats healthy and worksout almost everyday. If I put a piece of chocolate in my mouth he would shake his head. He used to tell me I was so beautiful but once we lived together he made me feel so ugly. He constantly criticized my hairstyle, clothes, what food I ate, etc etc. I love to bake, and I love chocolate too. One time I had bought a cake baking set so I could bake a cake and surprise him with it. Instead of him coming home to a smile that I had baked a cake, he gets upset as to why I would make such junk. He really hurt my feelings. There was this diary I would write in whenever things went bad between us and one day he read it, which was fine by me because finally he got to read what I've been going through and feeling, but when I ask him about what he thought about my feelings in the diary, he says "It's all not true." Also he would go out with his friends till the wee hours and he wouldn't give me a call or nothing while I'm at home worried sick to the point where I need to take sleeping pills to help me sleep. And when he finally does come home, he acts as if nothing's happened and gets upset because I'm upset. I had no friends and had no family where we lived but he did. But instead of him spending time with me, he would rather spend it with them...and would tell me "I'm sorry that you don't have friends but I do." I can also tell that he is very much influenced by his mother's thinking because he is so very materialistic. One day his mother came up to me and gave me this lecture saying "a woman must look beautiful for her man because if she doesn't, he will look at other women." Now what is your oppinion about that? I'm a very simple girl...I'm very casual and not at all high maintenance as they would call it. He is very much into brand name clothing and material things while I'm into the small things in life. One day we were out at the movie theatres and he commented on this couple in front of us, he said "look at that girl, she is dressed all bummy while her man is dressed up nice." I couldn't believe what he said. He broke it off with me a couple of months ago because he said he couldn't take it anymore. I don't know what he's talking about and would like some advice. I am so very broken hearted because I loved this man so much. I thought he was the one. But I don't know what happened. I don't know what I did wrong. Please give me some advice or suggestions. thankyou.

Ask your self WHY do you love him and WHAT attracted you to him in the first place. He sounds a little arrogant and stuck on himself. Did that at first excite you about him?

Hi,<BR>I'm sorry your in such pain, but I think you should move back to be with your friends. In fact I think you should run back!!!! This guy sounds mean and selfcenterd. he also sounds like some one I spent 2 years with and 2 more years recovering from. I finaly went on prozac and the cloud lifted, so run girl run.<BR>good luck I know it hurts but it Will stop.<BR>CQ

Where to start? This may be long, so stay with me.<BR>Let me start by saying I have been EXACTLY where you are.<P>I dating a guy for 6 years. We lived together for about 4 of those years. He was a work out nut. He was always at the gym, always critisizing me for not going and for eating the things I did (I LOVE to eat!). I made cup cakes for him once, and I got the SAME response you did about your cake. I was the same weight for the first few years. I was 5'8 and weighed 125 lbs. For some reason though, over the years I become fat to him...although I weighed the same as when we met. I didn't dress right, I wanted to much of his time. I built this horrible complex around me. So, I started working out, starving myself, taking laxatives and even got Implants so I could look good for him. So here I was 5'8, 105 lbs with huge D boobs. My family, friends an co-workers said I looked too thin. But my boyfriend, said I looked nice...but now my skin was too pale! It was one thing after another. Then he started going out, never taking me out with him on the weekends. He would come home at 4 AM like it was no big deal. When the bars close at 2 AM...what are you doing from 2 to 4, was my question. He told me I needed to get friends and go out and stop relying on him to go out with me. I was always so upset and down on myself. I finally decided I had had enough and told him to GET OUT!<BR>So he did...finally. It was the BEST thing I ever did.<BR>He came crawling, begging, telling me how special, how beautiful and how wonderful I was. But by this time it was too late. I am a MUCH happier and HEALTHIER person now.<BR>I can't believe I let someone make me feel so bad about myself, all because he was so materialistic and everything was based on looks.<BR>So sweetheart, take the advice from someone who has been there. Staying with him will ONLY GET WORSE. Please run, do not walk, in the opposite direction from him.<BR>There are men out there that will love every inch of you for who you are and how you look...and how you dress.<BR>Take pride in you.

To Rooner:<BR>Wow...what an excellent letter! My heart just broke for you and for hrbroken79, too. <P>May I add my two cents' worth? I read a long time ago that we love people for the way they make us feel about ourselves. Think about that for a moment. Isn't that just so, so true?? Our friends love us even at our 'ugliest'. Our families do, too. So, why would it be any different with a life-long mate? <P>The bottom line is that if someone makes you feel special, precious, loved and protected, then you will respond in kind with feelings of deep love. Perhaps once the "fog" of infatuation wore off and you were able to see these guys for what they truly were--shallow, self-centered and moronic--you were left holding the bag of mixed emotions. Don't mistake any of 'em for LOVE, because when someone makes you feel like s***, they are impossible to love. What you were feeling were lust and attraction, two necessary items to begin any love relationship. When it didn't grow to true mutual love, you were shocked and surprised and very disappointed. Don't let it throw you. Just move on to the next one and count yourselves lucky!<P>Been there, too, by the way...<BR>Hugs,<BR>Winny<p>[This message has been edited by Winnytoo (edited July 05, 2001).]