Hi, <BR>I'm new to this forum. I could use some suggestions for resolving this conflict.<P>My husband thinks I've been unfaithful for really crazy reasons like a look in my eye, my tone of voice, a few wrong numbers, I got a jury duty notice and wanted to go.<BR>He was convinced a very dear friend of ours was in love with me because he always sat behind us in church, I got stuck in traffic and was 10 minutes late getting home, I took our kids to the park for a picnic while he was at work. I could go on and on but I think you get the idea.<P>Two pastors and his mother told him he should see a mental health professional. He refuses because he doesn't believe there's anything wrong with him. He thinks I've turned everyone against him. Is there anything I can do to help him? Has anyone else out there been through a similar problem?<P>Thanks,<BR>Dee

First of all I think you shouldnt have went and talked to his mother and pastors about your personal problems. With that aside, I think he may have some insecurities about himself and your relationship. Ask him why does he think these things, and you want to know honestly. Something is making him insecure. That is where the root of this problem is.

Oh, you don't believe in asking for help with personal problems? Have you been emotionally and verbally abused for 6 years? Do you live with a mentally ill husband? I talked to them as a last resort, asking them for help because I would like to avoid a divorce and help my husband with his mental problems. <P>The insecurity issue has been discussed before. He realizes he is insecure, but that doesn't change his delusion about the adultery.

I know exactly what you have been through, and I'll relate a bit here.<P>After enduring my W's affair, her subsequent departure from the home, etc, we eventually sought a counselor. But during the last few months, I've endured all sorts of accusations related to *my* supposed infidelity.<P>Ironically, it was she that built a secret internet romance, moved out of here, and into an apartment with a new lover.<P>But now, in her eyes, I am the one that cannot be trusted. She is certain that if she comes back, she'll be afraid to answer the phone, for it may be some strange woman calling for me. <P>She is certain that I am "searching" for another woman. <P>She accuses me of ogling other women, and of trying to flirt with others in her presence.<P>She says, "I *feel* that you want someone else", (feeling = fact, right?) <P>After I went swimming at the local health club, she found a strange hair on my shirt, which most likely came from health club floor near the pool. Again, this "proved" that there was another woman. <P>For years, she's often looked me in the eye, and accused me of lying, based on the obvious and irrefutable "fact" that pupil dilation directly proportional to one's dishonesty. <P>She also claims that she'll pay for a lie detector test.<P>There are other examples, but this should suffice to confirm for you that your situation is not completely unique.

Hi Dee,<BR>I too have a very delusional jelous husband. He gets upset over the stupidest things, gets ideas in his head from who knows where! He has accused me of having an affair with my co-workers, our friends, etc. when I was totally faithful. <BR>I have to watch what I say and do in case he gets the wrong idea and starts thinking stupid jelous thoughts. He has accused me of some pretty horrible ridiculous things. I can't dance with some of our friends b/c he thinks that they have an "agenda". He has even gotten upset when I was watching a show that had a couple that was having an affair in it and he thought I was reacting in a wierd way. Its ridiculous! Sometimes I feel like I should go out and cheat, just because I might as well be getting hell for something I am actually doing. It hurts so much to have somebody accuse you of things you haven't done. <BR>I'm sorry I don't have any answers, just wanted to let you know that you don't have the only delusional husband around. I really don't know how to get through to them. The times I thought I have, the jelousy just creeps back.<BR>Good luck, I hope everything works out for you