First let me say Hello, I have never been here or posted here in my life. I just didnt know where else I could get an opinion from someone not involved in my life. <BR>I meet my husband when I was 16 years old and I never felt so close or in love in my life! I was obsessed with him from day one. 4 months after we meet we ended up pregnant. Shortly after we split up till our daughter was born. Soon after that we were back together. When my daughter was 2 we married and have been since. It was 8 years this past Tuesday. During the course of our marriage we have both made some very bad choices, whether it be finacailly, with our careers or lack there of, or cheating. The biggest problem as always been my husbands lack of modivation and is lack of work ethic. He never works, he will be somewhere for 2 years and then take the next 2 off. We have 2 kids right now and with the rent the car bill and everything else we are dying here. I can barely feed them 50% of the time. I am borrowing from Peter to pay Paul so to speak. I have finally found my career niche and I am working very hard these days , 50-60 hours a week.. I see my kids as much as I can and spend every minute of my weekends with them. I cook dinner, I do most of the cleaning. Its like I am that song "I'm every woman its all in me" Well I dont want to be every woman! We fight about this constantly, its all the time. He says he is trying but he hasnt worked in over a year now. I is actually causing me to be very depressed. I have never been depressed in my life!!!Right now I am personally doing better then I have ever done in my life and he is dragging me down. I love him I have been though hell and back with him, from Cheating to Drugs , to No work etc..... I have always had faith and love in him and he knows that. Me and him are like two guy friends more then the typical wife and hubby... We check out chics together lol we love the same music, we think alike, we act a like in someways, but in someways we are total oppisstes. <BR>I dont know how much longer or how much more of this misery I am supposed to indure untill he becomes the man that I know he can be. I cant imagine him not in my life but more and more I hate him in my life. Its like that sister or brother you cant stand for all the messed up things they do but you still love them and are a part of their lives. ANd now he wants to move back to our home town, which woulc caused me to leave my job which I LOVE! and my daughter would have leave the schools here which are some of the best in the country. He wants to leave cause he feels out of place, he is trapped in the house, (well if ya had a damn job you wouldnt be is what is say) and he cant find work etc... he hates it and is miserable. What are your thoughts?

Hi. I am sorry for the situation you are in.<BR>But I know, from experience, always being broke and struggling is enough to depress anyone. If your husband would get a job and earn his income, you'd probably both be a lot happier. A job is very important. I think I would have to ask for a separation. Maybe he needs time to himself to realize what a looser he has become. I know that sounds harsh, but what MAN is going to sit on his butt all day and do nothing while his wife works 60hrs a week so she can provide for her 2 kids and a husband? I know what kind of man...one with no motivation, no self esteem, no drive, etc...<BR>You can not make him change if he doesn't want to. But he is DRAGGING you down! Don't let him. Separate, take out welfare from the government. I know that's a hard step, but take a break and let the government help you out for a short while, while you try and get caught up with the financial game.<BR>As for moving and leaving the job you love. I would have to say don't do it, unless you feel you can get a similar job back in your home town. And what if you move? Does this mean he'll get a job and help pay for the bills and take his responsibilities as a father and a husband? Enjoying what you do at work is VERY IMPORTANT. I don't like what I do, I dread going to work....but it pays good and I'm good at it. I am going back to school now to get another degree in the field I really want to be in. So, I CAN be happy with what I do. You spend a lot of time at work, throughout life...so why not enjoy what you do? Unfortunately there is no easy answer here, but you have to think of yourself and your kids. Kids, hear your arguments, and they are the brunt of your depression. They don't deserve a father who isn't going to do all he can to support and provide a good life for them. They deserve a happy, healthy family...whether that be a single, HAPPY mom or a married, HAPPY husband and wife.<BR>You are so young, if you don't do what needs to be done now, and you stay in the rut for many years to come, you will look back and wish you had done something before it totally consumed all your spirits. Do something now. It won't get better on it's own. You must take the first step...and since it doesn't sound like your husband is willing to take those steps with you...take them by yourself, if not for you at least for your kids.<BR>

I agree totally with Ron and feel you should follow his advice<P>I will not even add to his comment<P>Follow his advice and you will be happy<P>You deserve the best<P>Carol<BR>

Dear Wife,<BR>there is nothing wrong with your husband being a "house-husband", or a stay-at-home dad...IF 1)you can afford to live on one income and 2)he is doing the work at home: child care, cleaning, cooking, etc. while you are at work. You are in this marriage together, and you are both responsible for an equal share. It sounds like it is time to sit down and have a serious discussion about each of you taking a fair share of the work here. Take your time and think about what you want to say, and--as a friend told me--go into the discussion knowing what you want out of it. Be sure that you approach it with reason (vs. emotion), and in a non-threatening way. Be calm and don't use ultimatums. Ask HIM for solutions and ideas. If you can't afford to live on one income, then y'all have no choice. He MUST work, too. Does he realize if you two break up, he will have to work anyway to support himself? <P>P.S. If he doesn't work, and you do most of the cooking and cleaning, what does he do with his time?<p>[This message has been edited by Louisa (edited July 07, 2001).]