Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#56989 07/01/01 07:33 AM
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8
M
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8
This lady I'm engaged to had a 3-way (her and another couple - the couple (some friends she grew up with and went to school with) were married at the time. She said they were drunk and it only happened once. She said they all talked about what had happened afterwards and decided to stay friends and to just put it in the past. She said they've never done anything like that since nor has she with anyone else. She was 22 when it happened and now she is 34 and I'm 30 so it has been a long time since it happened. They are still friends to this day and live real close like within 10 miles. My fiance's daughter and their daughters are friends and play together quite frequently. In fact, one of their daughters has been with us all weekend. So, my fiance is still really good friends with this couple that she had a sexual encounter with and she has told me to just get over it and not worry about. It makes me feel uncomfortable going over to their house and talking with them when we go over there. I don't think they know that I know of their interlude together. And it also makes me feel uncomfortable just when I hear their names mentioned. I really feel uncomfortable when I know that they are going to be at the same place we are or if my fiance is going to go do something with them and I'm not going to be there. <P>I've never fulfilled that fantasy of being with 2 women at the same time. I know most guys have this fantasy. She said she had this fantasy and it just happened. And that if I had the opportunity I would fulfill it as well. I'm not so sure I would have gone through with it. She has told me over and over that she has no sexual desire to do this again with them or any other couple. She has told me that they are just good friends still and that is all - they put everything that happened in the past. She has told me that she has no desire for us to have a 3-way with another woman. She has told me that she only wants us to have an exclusive monogomous relationship. She has told me repeatedly that she has no sexual feelings towards either one of her friends (guy or girl) that she had the original 3-way with. Do I believe her? I do because I haven't had any reason not to at this point. They've never acted inappropriate around me when I was around but how do they act when I'm not around? She could have told them that I had a hang-up about it and to not act inappropriately whenever I'm around - this is the trust factor. I'm not 100% trusting at this point. I still feel really uneasy and unsure.<P>Anyway, I just wanted to get everyone's opinion on this situation. Should I just be grateful to the fact that she shared this intimate detail of her life with me which was none of my business to begin with and realize it was in the past (many years ago) and get over it and move on? (She regrets telling me about it) Or should I be careful of how I'm feeling when any activities involve this couple and my fiance - should I be concerned? Am I being overly jealous? Should she have some regard for how I feel about what had happened and try to be more empathetic? <P>Thanks in advance! By the way - thanks for all the input to my previous questions - you all are really helping me!! Whenever I feel like I'm bothererd by something, it gives me some relief knowing I can come here and share with you all.

#56990 07/01/01 05:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 316
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 316
Mr cautious;<P>Short and sweet;<P>If it happened 12 years ago and you are the only one that she wants to be with now...then don't worry about it. At least she had the guts to tell you about it and you didn't find out somewhere else. <P>I am sure that we all have things in our past that we may or may not want our prospective/current spouses to know about....<P>She loves you man, not them!<P>Let it go... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>fb<P>My current W has been married twice before me and been with several others before me....more experience than I have had...if I let it bother me, I would be a quivering mass of jello....

#56991 07/02/01 11:40 PM
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 28
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 28
We all have a past right? However not all of us come clean about the skelotons in our cloests. You wife has! Which you should be very thankful for and proud of! Its compeltly obvious this woman loves you and only you. Dont not assume because she tried something once to see what it was like that she plans on making it a part of every relationship she is in. You really also have no choice but to deal with it because these people are a close part of her life and the life of her child. Good Luck to you and yours!<BR>


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 243 guests, and 59 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Media Pract, amandawilli, Rachael Tilda, Aidenjohansoon, Dynamiq
71,907 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Newbie here. Advice appreciated. MLC??
by Dynamiq - 12/06/24 05:02 PM
Question for those who have done coaching
by Blackhawk - 11/30/24 12:55 AM
Separation
by BrainHurts - 11/27/24 08:59 AM
Really Struggling
by BrainHurts - 11/15/24 03:48 PM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,618
Posts2,323,471
Members71,908
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2024, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5