She informed me today at lunchtime that her normal routine for the 4th of July is going to a party at this guy's house that she had a 10-month relationship with which she calls her "Saturday Night Special". She told me about him before when we first started dating - I just didn't realize she was still good friends with him and that she goes to this big 4th of July party at his house every year.<P>Anyway, she told me before that she dated him for 10 months but it was only a sexual relationship on Saturday nights. They wouldn't do anything together through the week. They would just get together (literally) every Saturday night for 10 months and have sex. They broke up, remained friends obviously, and she goes to his party every year. <P>Well, now she says that she wants us to go to this party. And if I feel uncomfortable about it, tough, either get over it or don't go. She says I'm immature and should just deal with it. She got very defensive about it when I said I was uncomfortable with us going over there and that I didn't think I wanted to go. After her tongue lashing, I meeked out a "let's just change the subject" and we talked about something else.<P>My feelings were hurt very badly today because of what she said and how she handled the situation. I feel hopeless and feel like she just doesn't care about my feelings. I just wonder how she would feel if I had had that type of relationship with a girlfriend and we still remained good friends afterwards and I wanted us to go to her party and I acted like I could care less how she felt about it.<P>I'm just wondering if I'm the super-sensitive one here or should she be a bit more understanding of the situation? Am I acting immature about it all and should I just get over it and go to the party and be friends with this guy? Or should I put my foot down and say no we are not going or let her go by herself and I go do something else that night?<P>Please help! Thanks in advance!<BR>

She sounds like she's being selfish and not caring about how you feel. Just my snap judgement though. I guess it's proabable that it doesn't bother her, but she should understand if you don't want her to have contact with former lovers. <P>My husband dated a girl who is the daughter of close family friends (to his parents). We've had dinner together several times, and the daughter is there...YES it bothers me a LOT. I don't even know for sure if they had sex. And my husband has NO interest in her anymore, and she's even fat. (Sorry, I am THAT insecure that I am happy if my husband's ex-girlfriend got fat, at least I can admit it). She is nice enough, I think she is actually jealous that I married him (it seems that way anyhow). But even with all that, I HATE having to see her. I do not need reminders of that. My husband and I are going to have a little talk about that, too, since I wasn't warned that she'd be there on either occassion. I don't think my husband knew either, though. I know that because my husband loves me, he will make a better effort to minimize contact (it's difficult since their parents are good friends).

You have got to be kidding. This is a woman you are planning to marry and she sees nothing wrong demanding that you go to a July 4th party where in the past she always had just pure sex with this guy and she expects you to deal with it. I think that you need to take a very close look at what is going on here. This is so incredible rude and disrespectful to you. Tell me again why you wish to be in a relationship with someone who would subject you to this. Your description of her in the past messages indicate that she is flirty and self centered to begin with. I would not let her go alone to<BR>this party since she always had sex whenever she went. I would go and observe her behavior and ask yourself do you really want to have this woman as your wife. I have a hunch she will flirt in front of you and you will become depressed. In so many ways this woman in not compatible with you. Go to the party and observe and I think you will come to the same conclusion.

Gotta agree with Bryan on this one....<P>The thing 12 years ago is one thing, but now this????<P>What else is getting ready to come out of the woodwork???

I'm not quite sure where this is going to lead but I'm going to go to that party if she wants to go and wants me to go too. I don't want to go but I do want to meet this Saturday Night Special and make sure he knows that she is now taken. I will not be disappointed at all if we end up not going to that party! I really don't want her to associate with her past lovers anymore. I don't think it is appropriate even if she is such "good" friends with them! How about our friendship? Isn't it worth anything? I just think she needs to be less self-centered and more considerate of other peoples' feelings especially the one special person in her life that is about to be her husband.<P>She came home tonight from work as if nothing ever happened today at lunch!!! I couldn't believe it! It's like she has no clue what she has put me through today! I was so hurt and upset after our lunch today, I couldn't go back to work for a couple hours. Apparently she doesn't think nothing of it! She screwed him for 10 months every Sat night, they are still good friends, and she wants me to befriend him as well and be a gentleman about it and not say anything. When I do start to say something, she gets all defensive, and argues with me about it! Why???<P>I'm going to my therapist on Thursday afternoon and will tell her about all that has been going on and get her opinion on things as well.

Do Not Marry This Woman!!

I know she seems like a real self-centered person and uncaring but I tend to focus on the negative aspects sometimes more so than the positives. She admits that she is self-centered, vain, egotistical, and she says she likes who she is and she is where she is at in life because of her strong personality. She is a Type-A personality. She is very hyper and can not sit still for very long at all. She is in sales which fits her personality to a T. She can not stand to sit idle for any long period of time. The only time she relaxes is when she goes to sleep at night and she is out cold in about 5 minutes! But she pops out of bed the next morning bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.<P>She is under a lot of stress at work - the company has set unattainable sales quotas, her son is at military summer camp and has not written her yet, and she is taking Zyban to help her stop smoking and this is causing her to wake up in a cold sweat every night around 4am and not get back to sleep - so she is losing a lot of sleep. On top of this, her parents have been real *******s about her son, they spoil him like crazy and undermine her parental authority, they think her son is theirs! <P>So I can understand in some sense why she is like not seeing my viewpoint with so much on her mind. I'm not willing to throw in the towel just yet. <P>I did talk to her about the issue with visiting the neighbor's husband in her night wear and she admitted she was groggy from just getting up from her nap and didn't think anything of it. She also said she would cover up better next time. I kinda made a point about it and walked outside in my silky boxers one morning while she was on the porch drinking her coffee and smoking her cigarette, asking her what I should wear that morning. She said get back in there and get some clothes on! I said why jokingly, you don't seem to mind strutting around half-naked in front of the neighbors. So we came to some agreement there I think. <BR>Last night, her and her daughter went over to a friends house to do birthday invitations after we went out for dinner at Bob Evans. They came home around 10pm - still no comment about the lunch thing and the 4th of July party. I didn't bring it up either. I'm waiting until the 4th until she brings it back up to me as to what we are going to do. I still need to talk to her and tell her how I feel and how she made me feel that day. I need to get it off my chest because it is eating away at me inside. I basically cried myself silently to sleep last night and was miserable and depressed like I am now. I put on a good front to her and look like I'm really happy but inside I'm torn apart. <P>I can't wait to see my therapist Thursday! I need to be able to talk to her on a daily basis. I'm glad this is here so I can share some of my frustrations and feelings with someone. <P>

I hope that you are keeping a journal of your thoughts and<BR>feelings to discuss with your therapist. I am sure that your therapist will come to the same conclusion that you are not compatible. This should be one of the happiest times in your life just prior to a marriage. You are heartsick with so much of her attitudes. She admits she is vain, self centered and egotistical. All of the warning signs are there for you to see. If you are upset now just wait after you are married.<BR>Your messages indicate that you would be most compatible with a woman who is sensitive, caring and empathetic to the feelings of others. She admits her nature is self centered, vain and egotistical. Let me ask you this. Reread all of the messages you have written and pretend it was written by someone else who asked for advise. What would your response be to him? Please express all of your feelings and doubts to your therapist. Good Luck