I AM JUST LOOKING FOR A LITTLE INPUT FROM YOU ALL.<BR>MY WIFE WANTS TO TAKE A TRIP TO CANCUN WITH A GIRLFRIEND<BR>AND I DISAGREE WITH THIS. I GUESS I'M OLD FASHIONED OR HARD<BR>NOSED BUT I FEEL A TRIP LIKE THAT SHOULD BE WITH ME NOT A <BR>GIRLFRIEND. I TRUST MY WIFE COMPLETELY AND HAVE NO PROBLEMS<BR>WITH THE FRIEND. AM I WRONG IN FEELING THIS WAY? WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 9 YEARS? THANKS<P>[This message has been edited by OAKACHUBBY (edited July 04, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by OAKACHUBBY (edited July 04, 2001).]

Just some quick questions for you...<P>How long have you two been married? Have you ever vacationed apart?<P>My best friend's first vacation after she got married was with me and a few other girlfriend for a week of sun and fun in South Beach, Miami. Her H went skiing with his buddies.<P>If you trust her and her friend, then it shouldn't be a problem. But I understand why you would want to go with her instead, especially somewhere tropical. <P>Sounds like this could use some sort of compromise. <BR>Good luck, and if you go anywhere yourself, have fun!

I think you have every right to feel that she should take the vacation with you and you have the first place in her life<P>She is not single anymore but is married to you and is choosing her life with you<P>I support your feeling that she should go on vacation with you<P>Carol

HI, Oaka,<P>Are you both under a lot of stress? Have things been going pretty smoothly for you both (on the home front as well as at work), or have you had a run of tough breaks and times? Also, up to this point, have you both gotten along together pretty well or do you often have differences of opinions?<P>Being married 9 years, perhaps your marriage lacks some excitement or spark. Especially if the two of you are often at odds, or one or both of you under a great strain at work (or due to a situation at home, such as a blended family), then maybe your wife feels she needs a break from it and from you. I'm asking all these questions because my own relationship with my H has been in the emotional toilet this past year, a direct result of tremendous stress brought about by my illness. Until we started to really talk and communicate with each other, all he wanted to do was to get away from me, as far and as fast as he could. <P>It is amazing how Plan A works, Oaka. I think it's a great way to stop problems in the relationship before they have a chance to start, too. Once I started meeting some of his emotional needs that I was not meeting before, he started to open up to me. I had NO idea how strongly he felt about some issues, and little notion how some things affected him at all, let alone so severely. <P>Now, if your marriage has NOT been under some constant strain or stress, then perhaps it has become a little stale. Either way, you need to calmly talk with your wife and ask HER why she wants a separate vacation this year. Don't use an accusing tone, or a whiny one, either. Women hate that! Just calmly and nicely ask her why she wants to vacation with her friend instead of you, and see what her reaction is. If it were me, I'd let her know how I feel because keeping feelings from one's mate isn't the way to go. If her vacation plan upsets you, or makes you feel bad, then TELL her, but do it simply and calmly. <P>Good luck to you and I really do hope to see some answers from you to my questions.<P>Hugs...<BR>Winny<p>[This message has been edited by Winnytoo (edited July 09, 2001).]