I have been married for almost 4 years now and have 2 small children. Me and my husband met on the internet about 5 years ago. At the time I was living in Montana and he was living in North Carolina. I ended up moving to NC to live with him and got married and had kids. I really hate NC and don't want my kids to grow up here! My husband loves NC and would never move away from his parents. All of my family lives in Montana and never gets to see my kids. I have talked to my husband about moving closer to my family and he won't. To top it all off, we do not have a good marriage at all. My husband lies and hides things from me all the time. Example...emailing...chatting...porn...ect. I am so sick of it and want to move back to MT, I have talked to him about it and he gets mad and say he will fight me for custody of our girls! Does anyone have any suggestions on what I sould do? Help!!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mrs.wright:<BR><B>I have been married for almost 4 years now and have 2 small children. Me and my husband met on the internet about 5 years ago. At the time I was living in Montana and he was living in North Carolina. I ended up moving to NC to live with him and got married and had kids. I really hate NC and don't want my kids to grow up here! My husband loves NC and would never move away from his parents. All of my family lives in Montana and never gets to see my kids. I have talked to my husband about moving closer to my family and he won't. To top it all off, we do not have a good marriage at all. My husband lies and hides things from me all the time. Example...emailing...chatting...porn...ect. I am so sick of it and want to move back to MT, I have talked to him about it and he gets mad and say he will fight me for custody of our girls! Does anyone have any suggestions on what I sould do? Help!!!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi, Confused..<BR>You don't sound confused at all, hon. Basically, you know what you like and don't like, what you want and don't want. What you don't know is how to go about setting some wrongs right...right? <P>If you have tried to talk this over with your H and it seems that you have, and if he refuses to do what you want to do, you have two choices as I see it: either stay in NC with him or move back to Montana yourself. It's so sad that there are innocent children in the picture--they are the ones who will ultimately suffer the most. Having one's family torn apart is about the worst thing that can happen to a child. I know--it happened with my own children, and they all still feel the after effects to this day (all are grown and have kids of their own.)<P>What I would do in your situation is go for professional marriage counseling, or at least, for depression counseling. There are a lot of issues going on all at once, Confused, and you may need help with them. Keep those kids on the top of your list, whatever you do. Is your husband the type that flies off the handle easily? Or, is he someone who will really talk to you and get his ideas across without a lot of yelling, name calling, etc.? <P>To me, you sound very lonely. Have you had a chance to make any new friends where you live? Have you really tried to find things to like about your area, or are you really just very home sick? I know that it's always helpful to have the support of family and how it is to miss that. I'm in that spot right now myself, in fact. <P>You said your H lies and hides things from you all the time. What does he lie about and what things is he hiding from you? Do you suspect him of cheating on you, or is it something else? Have you confronted him about his behavior, and if so, what is his response? Do you think your marriage is worth saving or fighting for...or have you more or less decided to throw in the towel? Please do feel free to open up to us because you will find a whole lot of people on this board who really do care and understand. Sometimes just getting things off our chest is a good start, so please don't keep it all bottled up inside.<P>Good luck to you and I hope to hear back from you real soon!<BR>Hugs...<BR>Winny

Wow, that's amazing! Everything that was said in the reply was great advice. Thanks for listening. I am very lonely, and home sick. I just miss my family so much. Well hopefully the home sickness will go away, I am visiting on Sat. for 10 days. As me and my husband go..we are trying to work out our differences. So far we are doing well!! I still wish i were in MT, but I need to focus on my family here in NC first! <BR>My husband has never physically cheated on me but he has done a lot of online cheating. I guess you would call it that. He did not see anything wrong with chatting and meeting girls online..but I did not agree with it..so he would hide it from me. Recently I have got so sick of him..I found someone and have been chatting with him for about 2 months now. I guess I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. But anyway.. my husband just found out about it the other day. He hacked into my email and found some emails that I had sent to him. He confronted me and was very upset about it..but then on the other had he was not upset with me. He says that he understands why I did what I did. So now he understands how much it hurt me when he did what he did. He understands how it feels to be hurt like that. I did not want to hurt him but I do fell better now that he feels my pain. I know that may seems petty of me!! But anyway, now we are both working on saving our marriage. We are both working very hard and hopefully it will work out. We just need a lot of communication in our marriage. I am wondering if there are others out there that have had to deal with the whole online chatting thing. If anyone wants to talk I am a good one to talk to about that..i know how it feels on both ends.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mrs.wright:<BR><B>Wow, that's amazing! Everything that was said in the reply was great advice. Thanks for listening. I am very lonely, and home sick. I just miss my family so much. Well hopefully the home sickness will go away, I am visiting on Sat. for 10 days. As me and my husband go..we are trying to work out our differences. So far we are doing well!! I still wish i were in MT, but I need to focus on my family here in NC first! <BR>My husband has never physically cheated on me but he has done a lot of online cheating. I guess you would call it that. He did not see anything wrong with chatting and meeting girls online..but I did not agree with it..so he would hide it from me. Recently I have got so sick of him..I found someone and have been chatting with him for about 2 months now. I guess I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. But anyway.. my husband just found out about it the other day. He hacked into my email and found some emails that I had sent to him. He confronted me and was very upset about it..but then on the other had he was not upset with me. He says that he understands why I did what I did. So now he understands how much it hurt me when he did what he did. He understands how it feels to be hurt like that. I did not want to hurt him but I do fell better now that he feels my pain. I know that may seems petty of me!! But anyway, now we are both working on saving our marriage. We are both working very hard and hopefully it will work out. We just need a lot of communication in our marriage. I am wondering if there are others out there that have had to deal with the whole online chatting thing. If anyone wants to talk I am a good one to talk to about that..i know how it feels on both ends.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm glad things are working out for you, MrsWright! Maybe what you did wasn't the best thing to do, but at least it taught him a lesson he won't soon forget. You're very lucky to have a man who is understanding, so hang on to him!<P>As for the online chatting thing, I personally don't do it. No special reason why, it just doesn't appeal to me, I guess. When I talk to people, I like to see their faces and their eyes--it's said the eyes are the windows to the soul. You just never know who you might be chatting with regardless of what the person tells you. With my luck, I'd probably hook up with Jack The Ripper's great great grandson! <P>Good luck to you, MW, and please keep us all updated from time to time. God bless...<P>Winny<BR>