ok people, it is Saturday, and guess what, he did it again !!!! No he didn't cheat again, he slept on the flipping couch again. <BR>Yesterday STUNK ON ICE, we took a bus, so much fun in Houston in August, had several arguments, my fault. I wanted to go back home, my head was busting, the sun and heat made it worse, and Mike didn't use the metro map so we would know exactly where to get off the bus, soooo we wound up having to go around our elbos to get to our butts. Which ticked me off, I don't want to be trying to walk around in this heat, when I go somewhere I want to go straight there no taking side trips or getting off the bus too soon. Yes I know I was being "one of those things" but darn. We came home had chinese delivered, ate dinner I thought everything was ok, I took my shot and the rest of my meds and went to bed, got up at 2 something this morning and Mr. Tereffic is asleep on the couch, I tried to wake him up TWICE to get hin to come to bed, all that got me was a growl and dirty looks. I spend every weeknight sleeping by myself, when he's home I want him in bed with me this seems to be too much to ask. Do I have to put a tv in the bedroom again to get him to sleep in there, even that may not work, Thursday he got off at midnight, came home chased me around the apartment for awhile then stayed up on the computer all night. Guys if I wanted to sleep by myself I would be the one on the couch. ok, I vented, now I'm ducking back down.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Heat Hot will make anyone grouchy.<P>Today is a new day! Hope it is cooler!!!<P>

I don't know, he just woke up, I haven't spoken to him yet. It's not so much I'm mad, it's more I'm hurt. When I used to sllep on the couch he had an affair, so what am I supposed to do ? Like I said, I know I'm being "one of those things, at this point I just don't care, rude aren't I.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb,<BR>I dont understand why he is sleeping on the couch....when I do such things I am detaching myself for some reason or another. Mike has not been posting that I have seen and he has not written to me either. Maybe he is so ashamed or feels nothing he can do is right..I am really lost here.....I do hope yall work it out....<P>------------------<BR>INLOVE.....<BR>LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS HOPING WE ALL HAVE ONE...<P>

Maybe he's afraid of a bucket of ice cold stinky water?

Deb<BR>Just another thought. Is it possible that he is so comfortable with the idea that life is getting back to normal that he is joining my H in the Mr. Dense club?<BR>Mine admitted to me that if things seem semi normal he just hopes everything will go away. I have to be straightforward about what I'm feeling or he thinks that everything is normal. Then he doesn't have to bust his butt to do anything. Just goes off into his little world.

Ladies,<P>I have to admit that this behavior somewhat confuses me. I too work nights and I'm only home two nights a week. However, the last thing I'm about to do is sleep on the couch, chair, or any other piece of furniture except in the bed next to my beautiful W. Tell them to wake up and smell the roses.

BOZOS_DEB, I think wasstuborns right, he's probably just getting comfortable in your life, maybe if you went and joined him the couch it would wake him up? Might be fun!<P>------------------<BR>Lilly<P>

Psssst - Hey Deb, c'mere!!<P>WHY were you a B yesterday??<P>When last we spoke you were just about to be chased around and you were making pineapple upside down cake. Now the two of you are upside-down!!<P>I thought I told you to do something that was fun for the both of you!! You don't sound like you had any fun and consequently I don't think Bozo did either.....Where did you try to go to anyway?<P>Sounds like there's some risidual frustration from chasing you and then you feeling abandoned by his going on the computer!! Am I right? Just a little carried over to the next day and that combined with the heat and no directions made you very cranky, perhaps? <P>Have you told your H that since he is gone all night and you have to sleep alone - you NEED to have him in bed with you on the weekends? I don't mean moaned or hinted or assumed he should know this. I mean have you lovingly and matter of factly said it to him? Have you told him point blank that his not doing so is causing all sorts of hurt to your feelings? That his not coming to be in bed with you makes you feel like he doesn't want you? <P>Tell him in exact words - with love and sincerity - no moaning or whining (if you would be so inclined).<P>Policy of Joint Agreement and all that!!<P>Agree that since he's not in bed with you on work nights, you need him to be on the weekends. PERIOD!! <P>Perhaps there is a reason why he doesn't - like snoring or movement. NO OFFENSE - I'm just thinking that if he has gotten used to sleeping alone in bed during the day, maybe it's confining for him when you're both in it and is difficult to relax enough to sleep without thinking that you will disturb each other with an elbow in the eye or covers being stolen, etc. Ask him!!!!! Maybe it's just something he has to get reused to.<P>Could be way off on the last part but it's hard not knowing your personal habits or routines!! Just a thought!!<P>Hugs and Say what you have to say at the moment and than you can get passed it and not carry it to help you be a B!!!!<P>Sheba<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited August 28, 1999).]

Could it be that he's just getting too comfortable again. We used to only have A/C in living room and if it was hot I'd just plop myself on the couch never thinking about it. But then my H had affair and my world turned upside down and I NEVER do that. If he falls asleep I wake his a** up now. It is very important to me that we go to sleep together now. Talk to him in the morning - tell him how much it bothers you. and try to wake his butt up!! Magoskid<P>

I'm in here for a few minutes , it's hard to get time on line on the weekend here, between son, bozo and me , the computer gets used alot.<BR> TnT, I am not a bucket of stinky ice water (I bath before I go to bed lol)<P> Inlove, Mike is not a person who shows emotion, he just isn't. Its hard for an emotional person to be married to someone who acts like emotions are a curse.<P>WS, he is not just a member , he's the president.<P>lost and scared,<BR> I'm glad to know that not all men are clueless. Thanks guy.<P> Lilly,<BR> hon, between his butt and my butt there is too much butt for the couch, we have slept on it together before but I have to lay at one end and he lays at the other, which defetes the purpose.<P>Sheba,<BR> UH, why was I being a b yesterday, oh I don't know, maybe because I was left laying in bed alone after he had had a piece of cake<BR>and then let him catch me in the chase, I mean it's soo romantic.<BR>And yes Sheba I have told him, and as for the POJA, welll forget that one, he's not interrested.<BR> As for snoring and movement, well all snore, everyone who lives in this house snores including the dog and the cat. Movement is the area Mike excells at ,he's all over the bed. hmm, maybe i should be glad he sleeps in here after all<P>magoskid,<BR> we have central air, also see my reply to ws, about the mr. dense club<P> ok all that was friday night sat morning, now for the rest of the day, i bew it again, yes once again I did the wrong thing called the wrong resturant to order dinner, s gessner, when it should have been n. gessner. and called too soon, I'm sorry I still have a headache needed some asprin can't take it w/o food or it makes me ill.ok so now i'm not only a b, I guess I'm a stupid one on top of it. I hate this, I hate me, this is getting to be too hard<BR> well he just woke up and got in the bed, I better get off here.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb<P>Relax!!! Take it from a paranoid type person...you are stressing waaaay too much. I understand the frustration you are having...but maybe you are reading too much into it? I said earlier that I never miss sleeping with my W. I never said that it is easy. After I get home Friday morning, I have to try and stay awake until that night, a total of almost 30 hours without sleep. Then I spend the next two days tired and out of sorts since my sleeping schedule is messed up. Then on Sunday, I have to try and find time to sleep during the day with all the kids and W there wanting my attention, and then go to work for 8-10 hours that night.<P>So not that I'm defending him...just giving you a slightly different perspective on the matter.<BR><P>------------------<BR>The realization that life is not fair is a pain that lasts a lifetime, but with perserverance and love, the pain can be greatly eased.

l and s,<BR> I'm not parinoid, they are out to get me, lol.<BR> If my h stays up all day it is so he can play with or work on the computer. our son ig grown now almost 19, so I try to lay down with h in the mornings, but there are a lot of times I can't just because son doesn't need me as much doesn't mean I have nothing to do during the day. We live in an upstairs apartment, so there is not much housework that I can do at night. Plus I don't sleep like "normal people" I sleep for an hour or two, then I wake up for a while, then repeat<BR>several times a day. I guess I just feel he is punishing me when he sleeps on the couch, even if we haven't had words. And I admit I think he's angry with me most of the time.<BR> And I'm very unsure of his feelings for me, if he even has any. I can't help it either, he has hurt me too many times, I think he is here with me because the last ow wouldn't leave her h for him, not because of some great love for me, my h doesn't like to be alone, plan and simple, he won't make a move without having an op ready for him, I've played this game with him more than once, so now I live in fear of the next affair, or the next time he leaves me, so every disagreement is a major thing to me, I never know which one will be the one that he finds someone else because of. It maybe crazy, but it wouldn't be this way if he hadn't shown me this pattern of behavior for 21 years. Sorry for rambeling, <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb,<P>You're not rambling dear...I feel much the same as you and my W only slept with OM once...and I found out three days later...so nothing was ever protracted at all thank god. I don't know how I'd have dealt with it had it not been a one time thing...don't want to think about it.<P>I guess you have to make some decisions...biggest one being do you need his closeness enough to fight for it...tell him bluntly that you want him in bed with you...if he resists lay on the couch with him. If he balks at that then you have to wonder what's going on. Hope I'm helping you...<P>------------------<BR>The realization that life is not fair is a pain that lasts a lifetime, but with perserverance and love, the pain can be greatly eased.