I know this is long, but it's a big problem. My husband gets mad when I ask him questions. For example, he often works a little late, rarely making it home at a predictable time every single night. Some days it could vary from 1/2 hour to 2 hours late. It usually isn't more than one day a week, though sometimes more, sometimes less. Besides that, we are very busy and so I cherish nights that we can have at home together as a family, with our children. I especially enjoy having time to talk together, discussing each other's day, thoughts, or whatever happens to be going on in our lives. Particularly, if some event or situation arises that we need to talk about. (As any parent knows, that can be frequent, with children or teenagers.) Sometimes, it's simply needing to discuss our schedule or upcoming plans and decisions. Now for the problem: when I have been away on a late afternoon appointment or errands and come in late (meaning past the approximate time of my husband's arrival home or anytime after 6PM) and see his car in the driveway I'm always happy he is there. After we greet one another, I usually ask, "How long have you been home?", because I wonder how much time was lost, that could have been spent together. After so many nights of being home waiting on him to come in, it's disappointing to come home (once a week maybe) an hour or more late myself, and find that on that particular night he got in on time. It's not that I'm upset he got there on time. I'm glad for that. I am just sad that it worked out that I couldn't be with him, when he was available. Does this make sense? I don't fuss about it. I simply ask how long he has been home. He gets angry and says that I don't have the right to ask that and that I am just nosy. He says I need to look at it with the attitude that we start where we are and enjoy the time we have, rather that "worrying" as he calls it, about what could have been. I think he is making way too much out of this and I am very offended and hurt. He now is comparing me to a relative that calls us and often asks questions such as "What are you doing?", "Where have you been?", "What did you have for supper?", etc. I think he is transferring his irritation over this relative to me and creating unnecessary conflict in our relationship. I have tried to have him read the articles on "Current Honesty" to show him that he shouldn't be so defensive when I ask him a question. I don't know what to do. This is one of the worst conflicts we have ever had, at least in a long while, and he gets very angry over it. Then we go back and forth, and never work through it, he just gets more mad, and then our evening is ruined. He criticizes me and acts so unkind, that a couple times, I have told him (jokingly) I wonder why I even wanted to be with him anyway. Any thoughts on this?<BR>

I'm new to this but your delima has a familiar ring. In my case, our schedules are so busy when we aren't working I look forward to "down" time at home where we can just connect on a daily basis. My H doesn't waste a moment when he gets home to get involved with some project that may keep him up well after I've gone to bed. Anytime I bring up spending time together and I don't agree to get involved in whatever he's working on at the time he thinks I'm needy, depressed and should get on medication. Needless to say, the arguement begins and then he really doesn't want to spend any extra time eith me. It's an endless cycle. I am trying really hard not to crave that attention I desire so much. I guess I'm trying to convince myself to be content with what time we do manage together. Have you gotten to the point where you can do the same? All I know is whatever I'm doing I've got to change something because this roller coaster seems without end. I know I didn't really contribute much but I also have a topic no one has responded to and yours caught my eye and I thought I could relate if nothing else.